I did not people still did this!

Barrister Marah Osman
Abidjan Cote D Ivoire
West Africa

My Dear,

This message might meet you in utmost surprise, however,it's just my urgent
need for foreign partner that made me to contact you for this transaction.

I, am Barrister Marah Osman a personal lawyer to one later Mr.Ruth Fred Leo
An American oil Contractor with the Ivoirien Solid Minerals Corporation,
here in Abidjan Ivory Coast who died in an auto Crash in september 2006.
later Mr. Ruth Fred leo before his untimely death, made some deposit
of funds with a finance firm here and did not declare any information of
any of his relatives to the said fund deposit at the time of deposit.

Where you come in is that I needed your good collaboration to pull out
these funds to overseas for investments because, he left with me the
deposit information and no body could come around to lay claim if not I
and a foriegner in good collaboration since he did not leave any
information of any of his relatives.

Kindly get back to me in order to bring you to the detail arrangement to
move out the funds accross to your destination.

Kind Regards,

Barrister Marah Osman

A quick Google search reveals the only internet listing these people and companies have is under a directory of 419 scams, very funny. 

We could use these emails as a sorting mechanism for a kind of Darwinian reality TV show. People stupid enough to fall for them battle it out for the right to rejoin the human race.

This is an experiment. thus I accept no responsibility if it all goes horribly pear shaped!

I am bringing back wit... and ego. Here are some brilliant things I have said recently;

"Nihilism? Means nothing to me."

"He is so far in the closet he's in Narnia."

"I am not bitter; I am just a little tart." Yeah this one is from years ago, but goddamn I love it!

Yes it seems that being a razor sharp source of belittlement is one of my few un-usable talents. Awesome, I should start a t-shirt company.

Meanwhile as per fucking usual, my life sucks, Work is out of control and I may have to move out on Thursday, that is 2 days away. I saw my Scottish friend last night and she shared some information with me about a recent dalliance I had that ended badly. I was crushed like a bug, maybe I should not have tried to find out what was said about me...... I should have realised that it was not going to be something I wanted to hear. I really am not very clever and I don't appear to learn.

OVER IT! 

Why I decided to not drink for a month is beyond me.... 23 days dry and counting. Seems kind of pointless, and I can't really understand why I am doing it? I think the main reason is to prove a point and try not to be the shallow, bitter alcoholic people see me as.

This came through my email inbox, I think? It came from wherever the people who exist to torture those of us stupid enough to engage in today's fast paced cyber lifestyle live. I think it is somewhere in America.

Rule #1:
If you open this you GOTTA take it. Bollocks, I don't have to, I am choosing to.

Rule # 2:
You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone
messages you and asks .. dont care.=] Neither do I, so I will now explain every answer I give, just to be contrary

Rule #3:
Only answer True or False or in Poem form

Q: Kissed someone on your top friends --> Define Top Friends? I have kissed so many of my friends, so lets just assume yes shall we? Here is my poem

I will kiss

all on the list

They wish

Q: Kissed someone you didn't like? --> False, I like everybody, especially if they are prepared to kiss me. And now I am too derpressed to write poems.

Q: You like someone? --> True. which just makes me a sad sad loser, cos noone like me : ( Thanks for bringing up such a painful subject

Q: Held a snake? --> True, I want to keep snakes as pets when I stop fleeing the country as often as possible, or do something dumb like breed so I have to stay in one place for ages

Q: Been suspended from school? --> False, but only because I agreed to leave the school and find somewhere more tolerant.

Q: Been fired from a job? --> True, technically, but it is a long story.

Q: Sang karaoke? -->True, are there people out there who are so "cool" the have avoided this?

Q: Laughed until you started crying? --> True, I like to do this at least bi-monthly

Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue? -->False, I live in Australia, the only weather you can catch on your tongue here is hail and that hurts (yes I am aware that parts of Austrlia snow, but it is pretty lame and I have not french kissed a sonwflake)

Q: Kissed in the rain? --> True, it leads to soggy clothing

Q: Sang in the shower? --> True, der, I sang walking to Paul's party on Saturday, it was a lovely ditty about sensor lights and walking with Jason to a party

Q: Sat on a roof top? --> True, so many times, looking at Bondi Beach was one of the best roof I have sat on!

Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? --> False, unbelievably I have not, have I pushed someone into a pool with their clothes on? yes. Have I been pushed into a river, a bay, an ocean and a spa with my clothes on? F*CK Yeah

Q: Broken a bone? -->True, My GOD! I have broken 5 bones in my right foot, in 3 seperate incidents, everybody knows about me and my foot! Everybody knows about me and my injuries full stop

Q: Shaved your head? -->False, but there are plans afoot to raise money by auctioning off the chance to shave or save my hair, we shall see if people are keener to see me bald or keep "the hair"

Q: Played a prank on someone? --> True, that is just a lame lame question.

Q: Shot a gun? --> Hmm, like a real one? I am a hippy.... Only computer games have provided me with this chance.

Q: Donated Blood? --> True in 3 countries!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Who was your last?"
just be 100% truthful
LAST PERSON.

1. last person you hung out with? Jason, but he does not count cos we live so close and he is like my housemate, so... Paul, Jon, Mana, Zen and Jubb

2. last person you texted? I think my sister? I locked myself out.... and she is my housemate. Oh no, wait, there were other text messages exchanged yesterday, but no idea why or to whom.

3. You were in a car with? Fanta Pants, Jessicat, Jason and Sonnah

4. To the movies with? Jon, Jubb and Jay to see the appallingly bad... erm? shit ? Fantastic Three? Can't remember, but I heckled it, a lot.

5. Went to the mall with? Are you trying to make me angry? Jeebus, I do not go to the Mall, I live in a world where going to the mall is as appealing as eating parts of your own anatomy, while they are still attached.

6. You talked to on the phone? Anna, but while writing this Erin called me! Anna and Erin love each other, what a lovely little coincidence.

7. Made you laugh? Me?

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WOULD YOU RATHER...

2. Be serious or be funny? Seriously funny

3. Drink whole or skim milk? I think the fact that it is called whole speaks for itself, why take bits out? Clearly nature fu*ked the recipe up? No wait we are not meant ot suck cow tits! Goddam cheese it would make me so much less sanctimonious if I could give up cheese.... Um sorry, I don't believe in lite, skim, low fat or any of that other shit.

4. Die in a fire or get shot? Fuck off... I seriously do not need to think about this.

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ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...

1. Sun or moon? For what? For tanning: the sun. for howling at: the moon.

2. Winter or Fall? Winter, Der. Falling sucks! I am yet to find an enjoyable way to spend an unexpected trip to the ground. Being cold is not as bad as tripping over.

3. Left or right?Left wing poiltics is right.

4. Sunny or rainy? Once again WTF? Rainy for staying in bed and watching movies with a huge doobie. Sunny for going to the beach with a huge doobie.

5. Do you want to get married? Whose asking?

6. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut It? Who cuts spaghetti? Better not do that if I cook or I will laugh at them.

7. Do You Cook? Extremely well, better then you question.

8. Current mood? Bitter.

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IN THE LAST 72 HOURS HAVE YOU...

1.Kissed Someone? No. Nobody wants to kiss me : (

2. Sang? Yes, of course

3. Been hugged? yes, by many people, one of them was very awkward

4. Did something embarrassing? Chances are good, oh last 72 hours? Definitely. Actually writing this thing is more then a little embarassing.

5. Like someone you can't have? Yes, can't have anyone ergo all liking leads to disappointment and unreciprocated affection

Repost this as, "Who was your last? NO