This is going to fuck up my phone service, isn't it? When their next-door neighbor N.K. has a fucking nuke and no evident understanding of the benefits of using conventional versus high-casualty weapons, do I really give a shit that China can destroy satellites that are probably being used to watch me pee?
Get your shit together, CNN. Either I did a little too much acid in college, or this headline links to a video of the AFC Championship press conference.
Is it a poor indicator of the times in which we live that a scandal about "trading honors" (whatever that even means) doesn't seem like such a big deal when the moral compass for politics over the past few years has been Bush's administration? I mean, they actively sought to cover up a child molestation case to protect a US Senator who was chairman of the Child Services committee, for fuck's sake. You're going to have to do better than "trading honors" to out-bastard us, England. America invented the political scandal. And it's not one of those shitty inventions like the car or the television where the Japanese immediately took up the mantle, either.
Boring. I actually clicked on the one about the YouTube video of two 9th grade girls fighting before they were even finished with this interview. I needed to see some underage chicks beating the shit out of each other, STAT, before I went totally narcoleptic and lost what I'd written so far on this entry. The most shocking aspect of this second sensationalized piece of trash was that someone in mainstream media actually knew how to correctly use the word "videographer" in a sentence. That and the teachers wouldn't let the students listen to their iPods in class after the incident. I repeat: the students are normally allowed to ignore the teachers in favor of their pirated music collections, but because someone used a cameraphone to tape a fight in the halls, they are no longer allowed to have iPods. This utter ignorance on the part of the school staff makes me want to bash a 14-year-old's head into concrete.
Why the fuck was there no YouTube video of this?
By shifting blame to the VP instead of the Commander-in-Chief, Mondale is implicitly putting himself in Bush's corner on the matter of the war. This would make him one of about three* people left in the world that still thinks the "stand there and get shot at until democracy prevails" strategy has a prayer of working eventually. * No, I don't count the deep South. They're not "people", in the sense of the word as I use it, so much as "dragchutes". But I'll save that neo-Darwinian rant for a later edition.
And this year's winner of the coveted Toastyghost's Double Goathorn Salute For Spitting In The Face Of Authority award is... (drumroll, please)
What kills me about this article is the attached picture of lucky #500 getting ready to take a jog with President Bush. I realize that CNN is pulling the "inspirational story of human perseverance" card yet again, but that DC footway conversation must have been just magical... "So, uh... give me my legs back, motherfucker."
I don't give a shit how much Kid Rock's '59 Caddy sold for. This isn't news.
News flash: Simon doesn't like anybody. I usually identify with people that hate everything, since I am one of them, and therefore can genuinely sympathize with their frustration in dealing with a nonstop stream of idiots all day. Simon Cowell, however, is just the sort of pompous ass that I disdain for making a mockery out of... well, mockery. He thinks he's the shit because he can tell when someone sings a sour note, his comments aren't very witty, and he complains constantly about what he does when he's basically made a living (and a damn good one) out of doing nothing. He's a non-musician, non-creative person in some sort of executive capacity in the music industry. This means that his sole purpose in this world is to push fucking paper and get rich off of other people's blood, sweat, and tears. People like him should be persecuted as pariahs, not placed upon pedestals. (Forgive the excessive alliteration; it seriously just happened like that.) At any rate, I find it hilarious (and telling) that American Idol clips, and Larry King for that matter, are more entertaining at double speed. Yes, that actually is all that my acute ADD permitted me to glean from this video: "People talking fast is funny." Are you really surprised?
This headline is what the entry title was in reference to. And before you go accusing me of overt racism, there are two points I would like to first make in my defense. Foremost, I have never denied that I am an overt racist. This ascertains that all of the right people are pissed off and don't talk to me. The less stupid people I talk to, the better. Further, I am not so blind in my comedic stereotyping as to be unaware that there is a certain pervasive, and in most cases undue, wariness toward people of Arab descent since 9/11, but to protest an allegorical suspense plot featuring the entirely plausible scenario of Muslims committing acts of terror is just outright stupid. You want to pull the race card? Fine. But I'm not going to get off the phone until television is completely devoid of the drunken Irish stereotype, because I am not an alco... ok, bad example. But you know what I mean. I'm not saying that I think the new season of 24 promotes good race relations, but rather that it is fictitious, a fact that many if not most of its critics seem to have ignored entirely, so it falls under creative domain and therefore isn't compelled to promote or decry anything. It exists to tell a story. If you don't like that story, change the fucking channel.
After the Feds riddle the tax evader guy with bullets, his award is being given to this guy. I've given my friend's ferret beer, sure. Everybody has. But this? This is just awesome.
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