Okay. See I had know my "suppose to be best friend" for like a year. We were very close friends. We would do almost everything together. We use to go to the same school in the 8th grade. But now that we have moved on to high school; she goes to a different school and I do too. She goes to this private school called Mount de' Sales, and I am suppose to be going to a public school called Central. But now that we go to different schools, it is like she doesn't even know me anymore. She told me that we were going to be best friends forever. But this is wut I mean.

Now, its like I get on her nerves, and she wants to ignore me. See I use to talk everyday on the phone. So I would call her or she would call me. But now she had stoped calling, so I kept calling her. But one day she had met new friends that go to Mount de' Sales. Then when I had called her I was getting on her nerves. But all I did was call her, but I think that I had called her to much. So I kept on calling. Then one day, all in one day, she had told me that I got on her nerves. then she had called me a stalker, and she told me to "LEAVE ME ALONE, NOW DO YOU GET THE CLUE!" She was being very mean to me. And all I could do was cry. Then the next day I had cusses her out. I don't want to cuss her out tho'. But I had did that cause that was mean of what she had did, and I was mad. But like a couple of days later we had made up and said sorry. So then like a day after or so...She act like she doesn't even know me. Before she said she didn't have any friends. And I was her only friend. So now that she got new friends, she wants to ignore me and act like I don't exist. Some people say I should leave her alone. Or they would say, she ain't your friend if she had did and said that to you.

Was she really my friend? And what would you do if you were in this situation?

On Tuseday I am suppose to be going to my friends house and spend a little time with her. I can't wait. There is alot stuff that I need to tell her. The good and the bad. And the last time she came over to my house, we were play play fighting, and I won. This time she says she wants a re-match. And I said okay. She is still going to get a beat down no matter what. But still, I can't wait still that day comes. She is also suppose to be teaching me how to dance. I wonder if she really wants to do it. O well that time will come eventually.

I think it was last week or something, that my friend was talking about my brothers birthday. He had already turned 10 years old. And she said he is in the "devil digits age".  And I had asked her what was that. She started to laugh at me and she called me retared or something. And then she told me to ask my dad. So I did. And he had looked at me all crazy and stuff. So then i got back on the phone and asked her what she had said again. And this time she said, "Double Digits". I was like I thought you had said "Devil". She called me stupid and then she started laughing at me. Maybe i need to get my ears checked or something. Cause I think I'm going deaf.

for all of you that have read My friend has a loss... by daphnepepper. It is not true. I don't have a memory loss. I am perfectly normal. She just wrote that as a joke. And even though I don't have a come back for tht either. But if I did. I would post it on here. O yeah and by the way I am not going to beat her. I was just playing with her like I always do. But she doesn't put in her two cents either. She beats me up all the time. And one day she sat on like it wasn't nothing. But anyway. just wanted to clear that up.

Everytime I ask my friend if she wants to come to the movies with me it never ever happens. See I had asked her today right, and her mom had said nothing. Sometimes I wonder if my friend's mom doesn't like me or she think I might be a bad influence to her daughter. But in real life I am not a bad influence to anybody. I really don't know why Jalisa can't come with me to the movies. But I wish she could. But see I am suppose to be going to this party with Jalisa. But it is on Saturday. But I don't want to wait that long. I get very bored real easily. And I know she does too. So why can't she go to the movies with me. I don't know? But I wish i did. Cause I am very tired of doing things by myself. And I am tired of being bored.

So Jalisa if you read this entry just wanted to let you know again that is the way I feel. That your mother doesn't like me. And that I am a bad influence to you. So should I stop asking you or what?

Okay so I have been a butt-hole lately I really don't mean it. I have just been really fustrated lately. And I don't have anybody or anyone to talk too, to let off some steam. And I don't mean to take it out on you. Or anyone else. I just need somebody to talk to that is all. And I no that you can't be with me 24/7 but right know I really need your help. This is all I ask of you. I don't mean to be a pest. But lately I have been hurt. By the people that say they love me. Sometimes I wonder do they even care about me. But I don't really care anymore. But if you can tomorrow, I would really like to talk to you. If you don't mind. I will call you or you can call me. It realy doesn't matter.

Sometimes I can really hurt people emotionaly. I don't do it on purpose it just happens. And the person that I hurt the most sometimes is my friend. I don't really mean to do it. It just happens. Like when she was spending time with me. We had started to play fight and stuff. And all of the sudden I was playing to rough. And I know I do she just says that we're playing. But I can really paly to rough. I don't really mean it.

And the last thing on my mind is to hurt my best friend in whole wide world. I just wanted all of ya'll to know that.

Sometimes you know how you wanna do something so bad that you just can't do it cause you have people stoping you in your tracks. Well I'm being held back from seeing my friend. I am 14 years old and sometimes she can't spend enough time with me. Sometimes she can but it is only like for like 2 or 4 hours. And on top of that we don't see each other everyday. And I don't really get to talk on the phone to her that much. Sometimes I just wish she could live with me or live with her. Cause I sick and tired of being stuck in this house by myself with my stupid brothers. I just wish she could spend more time with me. That really sucks.

To my very close friend,

I know you have heard this before, but I am very sorry for the things I did. I just wanted to let you know that because you mean alot to me. As a friend. I have know you for almost a year now. And  I have never mention how being my friend means alot to me. All the times I have been mean to you. The times I had made you cry. And the times I had made you mad. I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry for that. Sorry may be the wrong word. But I really am. And this is coming from my heart. As your closest friend, I hope you can forgive me and all my stupid actions. I hope you can forgive me from head to toe.

I have learned from you the value of friendship. And coming from public school, I didn't know the value and the time. The time that you have given me I have never thank you. So I am thanking you now. It maybe to late for all of this, but I really thank you for all the people that you have ingored just to talk to me. And all the friends you have lost just because of me. I thank you. But I don't understand why would a person like you want to waste valueable time on me. I just don't get it.

You may not think that I don't trust you but I really do. The times that you made mad, I just wanted to forget about it and tell you that it was alright. But I didn't do that because back then I thought you were going to make fun of me. But now I see that you're not that type of person. And you will never be that type of person.

So I thank you for all the thing that you did for me.

You might think this is sad but I only have one friend. Well a close friend. Being my age, you would probably have alot of friends. But not me. I have one very strange, but very nice and caring friend. And her name is Jalisa. Jalisa, is not retarted but she has no common sense. She is a very sweet person inside and on the out. Really you couldn't say anything bad about her because she is a nice person like that. I just wanted to dedicate this entry to my very close and best friend. Because without her I would never know what a true friend is all about. And that true friend is you - Jalisa.