Now, I think it is getting close enough to write this.
Technically, my life ended in May of 2005. I had asked my daughter if she could help me by paying my monthly mortgage if I re-financed my house and used the money to pay off all my debts. Doing that I could pretty much sustain myself for quite a while. She told me yes.
I arranged everything. There were endless complications. But, it all was done and the closing was the next day. Incredibly my daughter called and said that she wouldn't be able to do it. She and her husband were in the car with friends. She told me my son-in-law said I should declare bankruptcy. I told her that would be immoral. The people had loaned me money on my credit cards and I intended to pay them back. I wondered if this was a mobile fellowship deciding my fate. Well, the long and short of it- I went ahead with refinancing and had to put the money in the bank to pay off debts as the months went by.
Following this my doctor suddenly decided I should stop the medications for my moderately severe back problems. He wanted to talk about it after having given me the crap for years and years. I said forget it and went off the medicine cold turkey. I guess that is what is killing me now. For over a week, I literally crawled from room to room to feed my cats and go to the bathroom. Finally, I could get up and start walking again.
The trouble was-my feet and legs hurt like hell and I could not walk well. I had decided that I would never go to the idiot doctor that withdrew my pain medications - so I went to a "Doc in the Box" and was told I had peripheral artery disease. He said there were things that could be done. I said to hell with it.
By December it was difficult for me stay on my feet for more than a few minutes. God touched me then. He allowed my grand daughter to come and visit me. She came the week before Christmas, as she had promised, and brought her friend with her. We did a lot. I got to show them the sites and we had a marvelous time. After that I pretty much was done for.
Some how I continued on. I became very ill. About 6 weeks after my grand daughter left, I found myself wandering around my own house confused. I had the presence of mind to call my daughter. I asked her if she could come and help me. I needed to go to the hospital and someone would have to take care of my cats. I am not a stupid man and knew how sick I was. Since my adopted grandson just required too much attention with his psychological problems, my daughter could not come. As sick as I was, we talked several times on the phone- I was able to get an old friend to come from South Carolina to help me. She immediately volunteered to come and my daughter said she would reimburse her fare. I had to call a Taxi to take me to the hospital.
They had to put me in a wheelchair since I could no longer walk. They checked me in and for the next six hours I sat in the wheelchair- in a stupor- in the ER waiting room until they finally were able to process me. Now, suddenly, everyone panicked. It seems that I was as close to dead as you can get.
They "saved" me. On to ICU I went. Was really wonderful. No family even after near-death. The doc's told me it was a miracle that I was still alive. They did every damned test known to humankind and came to the startling conclusion that - they didn't know what caused it. Really gives one faith in the healing arts.
After a few days they moved me to a regular room and after a couple of days more - they let me come home. During all this my friend, from South Carolina, took care of my cats, tried to straighten up months of mess in my house, and visited me daily in the hospital. She was gracious enough to stay on and care for me for almost two more weeks. My daughter paid all her expenses.
My health problems now are incredible. My feet now are in endless excruciating pain. It is now much more difficult to be on my feet and to walk. Standing for anytime is impossible. The doctors told me that it was peripheral neuropathy from my death-level electrolytes when sick. They said I had two choices. Learn to live with it or pain-killers. They recommended the latter. I chose the former.
Now, dear reader, you know how I ended up here on my ass writing this. What follows this will be my daily journal. Be patient. I don't know if God loves me! But, I think he has to respect me for the hard and long road I followed in pursuit of him. With any sort of luck- this will not go on for long.
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