Today I saw my student whose mother was murdered last week. It was horrific because it was his father who did it.

I called him and he came rushing. He hugged me. I wanted to say so many things. Words I practiced and memorized in my head but none came out.

I just held him so tight, not wanting to let him go. The he looked into my eyes and said,

"Ms. T. If I want to talk to you. Can I come to your classroom? I hope you will not be so busy"

"Of course" Finally I was able to say something.

He ran to his classmates.

I walked in the hallway, with my heart beating so fast

And a drop of tear fell on my cheeks.

A friend once told me that a person upon being hurt is likened to a broken piece of glass. No matter how much you try to glue the pieces back together, the cracks will still be eminent and it will never be the same again.

Analyzing my life (which I always do, blame it on my psychology degree), I think I can be classified as a certified broken glass. The question is ,  I survived being shattered into a thousand pieces, then can I still be categorized as flawed? The thing is humans are given the will to choose; to lose the battle or fight the war intensely. Every single person on this planet is a broken glass. Some are just slightly broken, badly broken and others broken beyond recognition.

To exist means to find the right kind of "glue" to put the pieces together again. I found my "glue" when I finally embraced the fact that the past cannot be changed and to inhale deeply like it is going to be my last breath.

Broken pieces of glass, broken people; Pieces that can fit. Perhaps you can fathom that being broken does not mean being dead. Among the piles of shards of broken glass, you might find that missing piece to complete you again.

Having written these words, I can answer my own question. No, I may be a broken piece of glass but I am not flawed. I struggled to "glue" myself and here I am in one piece amidst all the imperfections.

To anyone who read this, it is not too late to "glue" thyself. Being broken is just one way of making you stronger than you think you are

I like rainbows

Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet

A special person in my life is a Rainbow

with different hues, feelings and a choice

To be different, to feel and love in another way

As a child, I enjoyed being his playmate

we spent hours playing with my dolls pretending they were models 

But as time passed, I was confused

People started asking me about him, why, when, how did it happen?

Then I shut off my world to him

To people who were curious about him because I was afraid

Afraid, scared to be not normal,

not to have the right answers

.......... Until..........

A guy took me out for dinner

He is a dream, had the looks, immense popularity

And a drop dead gorgeous face

In the middle of the main course

A rainbow man passed by and looked at him

He suddenly dropped his napkin and said

"I just lost my appetite, freaks of nature!"
"They are disgusting, filthy and should not have a place in this world"

I stood calmly and said I needed to go.

"You are so handsome, but you are filthier than the maggots in the trash. You are a pig, a hypocrite and you are quick tro judge"

"My brother is Gay, If you have a problem with that, then I cannot have a relationship with you. He is far more of a man than you"

That was 9 years ago.

I am proud of him, I love him more as we get older

Now I tend to look out for him  more,

He looked out for me when I was finding my own identity

And now I fully support his rainbow choices

In my eyes, he will always be my brother

A kaliedoscope of rainbow colors

Two persons are in one room

But are completely separated

Completely oblivious to each other

The TV is a very effective wall

Man watches a movie

and the woman looks at the time

Continues typing on the laptop

Sighing, mind in another place

The TV is a very effective wall

No words, no touch exchanged

Maybe it is disinterest

Perhaps it is a routine

It can be too much familiarity

The TV is a very effective wall

Time stretched for more than a year

Excitement so hard to find

Got used to, so predictable

The TV is a very effective wall

Is there more to find out about the other?

Does time change everything?

Is this the pattern for every couple?

The TV is a very effective wall

Woman feels nothing

Man gets too complacent

Mechanical Scene exists

The TV is a very effective wall

Love is like a roller coaster

Highs and loops of passion

Then the ride ends to a halt

The TV is a very effective wall

Then love becomes a routine

An obligation, an expectation

Labels everything, equates to boring

The TV is a very effective wall

Acts of affection is sporadic

Complacence sets in

Very rare that both are sincere

The TV is a very effective wall

Man watches a movie

and the woman looks at the time

Continues typing on the laptop

The TV is a very effective wall

Turn it off

Tune in to the heart

Talk and listen

The TV is a very effective wall

Believe and try

Hold on to love

Why together?

Perhaps there is hope

Listen to words

The TV will always be viewed

But turn it off

Before the last flicker of love

Between Man and Woman

Dies down

 Man still watches TV

and Woman ends this Piece

With a question mark ?

A little boy walks in the room

"Silent type", eyes filled with eagerness

I looked at him secretly

I sensed something

Something is different with this boy

I said hello, smiled and directed him to a seat

He looked up to me and said "Thank You Teacher"

Courteous and confident, carries himself with eloquence

With charming and subtle hint of naughtiness

Interesting, endearing, a warning sign indeed

I tried to avoid that warning sign

No, I must not, I am his teacher

I must be fair, to all, teach without any attachment

I guess he got me, with that smile

And that trademark stare, those inquisitive eyes

See, this boy wants to learn everything about anything and anyone

He has so much passion, the will to explore as many worlds possible

He asks questions, endless ones which I answered with my best 

To feed his hunger for facts or else he will be silent

I am afraid of this silence because it means he is not satisfied

He was like a sponge, absorbs

Quick to learn, logical at such young age

You can not fool him

He is a grown man inside a boy's system

And so I treated him as one

One afternoon, he got into mischief

and that means a time out facing the wall

I expected a tantrum, a refusal

But no, he went to the corner quietly

And with his friend, started this unforgettable conversation

"I told you we should not have done that"

"Now where are we?"

"We are in a dark corner, while all the rest is learning"

"I don't like it, do you?"

"I think we better behave, I don't like time outs"

I wanted to laugh, look at those lonely eyes

I wanted to hold him, to smile and say it's alright

Wanted to shorten the time out

But I have a role, the navigator of the ship

Rules are rules, he too must abide

He learned so fast,

That I needed to hunt

For new materials

I know he would devour

Like a lion, high and mighty

But one day, Teacher had to leave

Abruptly, for reasons unexplainable

It broke my heart, I wanted to say goodbye

Answer his questions why I had to go

And to have a last look of his face, smile and those eyes

I mourned for days

Not seeing my class

Him, his best friend

I worried, I felt guilty

For leaving him so soon

But I realized I forgot something

He had confidence in me

He trusted me with his learning

He put me in the highest pedestal

Then why shouldn't I do the same?

I recall the time I shared with him,

The most valuable lesson in life

I follow it to a T until this day

"When you are given intelligence,

the more humility you should have"

I just rephrased Socrates' Philosophy

" A wise man admits that he knows nothing"

When I said those words, I knew at that moment

He will live his life with dignity, with honor

Humility and the will with the highest intensity

Time passes

 And I grow old

Teaching has been my life

And each student

Etches a mark on my being

They may have forgotten about me

But I never will,  for I knew them

I know their journey, their first one

To become functional individuals

He is one I shall always remember

I taught him from books

But he taught me compassion

Patience to answer

To smile more often!

And to face life like an endless learning

I am now in a different place

Far far away from him

But as each school year starts

I wait at the door

Waiting for new students to come in

Greeting them, smiling

Telling them where to sit

But somehow, I find myself

Looking at their eyes

Perhaps, maybe

I will find a pair of eyes just like his

* This is dedicated to you, OZNE. In the future, read this so you will remember what you taught me.

Mahirap sa una intindihin ang accent ny mga NYorkers. Mga unang linggo ko dito, ang favorite na reply ko ay "Come Again." Para kaseng nalulon nila ang kanilang mga dila. Upang maging handa ka kung ikaw ay mapapadpad dito, and mga sumusunod na SAMPLE ng mga salita in alphabetical order ay dapat mo I- practice sabihin, pakinggan at intindihin.

Letrang A
Awdah – kapag sa restaurant ka, "ano ang yong order?"
Awways- Kadalasan o "always"

Letrang B
Bah- lugar ng inuman aka "bar"
Berl- pakuluin, in other words "Boil"
Beeyoodyful- kapag nambobola ka ng chick, "You are beautiful"

Letrang C
Coib- Nabangga mo na Pare yung curb ng daan!
Coulda- "Could you please pay your utang?"

Letrang D
Dint- tricky ito "I didn’t break the paso"
Domebeeztoopid – WAG KA MAGING TANGA!

Letrang E
Erster- As in the TALABA (seafood)

Letrang F
Fadder- Tatay
Fahcrissake- Hulaan niyo nga ito _________________________
Foist – Una ako, sinabi nang 1st ako eh!

Letrang G
Geddin out – lalabas na ako!
Gole Joolry- gintong alahas
Gumnt- GOBYERNO po (isang libong beses ko ito prinactice)

Letrang H
Hootoadjuh- hindo ito isang uri ng palaka, "Sino ang nagsabi sa iyo?"
Howzigohin- paboriting expression ng mga G force, "kamusta ka?"

Letrang I
Inaarupted- inistorbo mo ako!                                                                                                                                                                           Intiment- " MU na tayo so pwede na tayong maging "intimate?"

Letrang J
Jalettum- hindi gelatin kundi "Pinapasok mo na ba siya loob?"
Jeet- ito pa ang mas matindi, "Kumain ka na?"

Letrang K
Kuduh- "Pwde ba"/ "Could have"

Letrang L
Lezgehgohen- "Tara na!"

Pag tapos na itong libro, hanggang letrang Z ang ibibigay kong mga NY words. Pwamise! Salamat sa Pawgbisita.

 Message from "Ging"

 saw ur pics and read some of the aritcles like random thoughs and teaching experiences...fter reading teaching xperiences there's a desire from to go back to teaching again....i am even more proud now that you are part of enzo's learning experience....we need more hazels here in the philippines....i am so proud of you....you can even ask my colleagues....

Message from "Tim Scott"

whew!
that was really bloody.
nah, seriuosly, ive done 2 comments. i dont know if u need the other 1
since
ur only asking for "5 kapitulo", i jus fill lyk posting a comment.
BDW, ive also added ur site as a link in my site, so others wld know
too.
hope that helps.

Message from "Shin"

• Without thinking

  What comes to my mind when I hear the words Money- need, survival, miser                In this world, even a soul can be bought   Work- obligation, responsibility, passion              Seen but not recognized, just a "have to" thing   Family- complicated, chaos, indifferent              Exists but at times you need to close the door   Gamble- risk, plunge, all stakes             Bet that at the end, you'll die a loser death   Wisdom- brain, study, apply    When you say you don't know anything, wise you are   Sex- tension, lust, climax         You can have it anytime if you're not bothered if you don't know his name   Anger- fury, revenge, vendetta          My favorite adrenaline shot minus bloodspill   Redemption- forgiveness, change, rise again           I did for a lot of people, they forgot me though   Empathy- feel, know, aware          I have a huge supply, useless in a cruel world   Deceit- tricks, idiots, harm          Blinded by my foolish and naive perception   Lover- sex, cuddle, dream with         Uncertain but the time is still worth it   Danger- wild, anxiety, iressistable          Obsessed with it, played with fire and water   Dreams- laughed at, disbelief, just for fools          But I dare say no, I will make them come true   Persistence- stubbornness, drive, will          It is my middle name, my trademark   Failure- label, stone cast upon you           Break the label, throw back a boulder   Think now of one word you like most and list down 5 things that comes to your mind. Ready? __________________ 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

   

• Imagine

   

• Imagine yourself caught in heavy downpour

  Would you curse and run for cover under a bus stop

  Or walk slowly and let the raindrops burn your skin?

   

   

• Imagine yourself stuck in traffic

  Would you show the middle finger out of frustration

  Or would you be grateful for 5 minutes of no movement?

   

• Imagine yourself tripping in public

  Would you get up quickly and run as fast as a horse

  Or get up gracefully, smile and take a bow?

   

• Imagine yourself failing a task

  Would you consider yourself a sore loser

  Or think of how to attack the next one?

   

   

• Imagine yourself being different from others

  Would you blend in for that comfort zone

  Or stick with who you are, unique that’s all?

   

• Imagine yourself falling in love

  Would you hide the fact from the person

  Or proudly and with confidence confess it?

   

   

• Imagine yourself rejected

  Would you hurl yourself at that person’s knees

  Or walk away with dignity even it if hurts like hell?

   

• Imagine yourself being loved when you are not ready

  Would you steer clear of that individual

  Or take the risk that maybe, it will work out?

   

   

• Imagine yourself choosing between happiness and wealth

  Would you choose the latter instantly

  Or try until you accomplish both?

   

   

• Imagine yourself forgetting all that you learned

  Would you shut off the world and be dumb

  Or would you take the time to relearn your life?

   

• Imagine yourself in bed alone

  Would you call on random people to satisfy you

  Or sleep in bliss without regretting the next morning?

   

• Imagine yourself not being accepted

  Would you try so hard to fit in, a yes person

  Or say "I don’t’ give a damn"?

   

• Imagine yourself losing Faith

  Would you engage in different types of worship

  Or try to recall moments when you were saved?

   

• Imagine yourself in a lonely marriage

  Would you stick it out for the sake of the kids

  Or part ways before it is too late?

   

   

• Imagine yourself a failure

  Would you admit it and be its mascot

  Or succeed by not giving up?

   

• Imagine yourself being remembered by this author

  Would you ignore it and say "yeah, it’ s just another poem"

  Or would you stop and say hello,

  Catch up with lost time?

   

   

• Imagine yourself as the SOURCE of Inspiration for this Poem.

 New York Is an Island  

1. A friend once told me that New York City is an Island. Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn,Staten Island are all islands too except for The Bronx which is part of United States Mainland. This was very informative and educational for me when I first arrived here to work as a teacher. However, the following were discovered in my own interesting, trivial and hilarious experiences.
 
2. New York State has 5 boroughs namely The Bronx where I live and work. Queens wherein there are so many Filipinos like me, Brooklyn with those lovely brick houses, Manhattan which is the heart of NY, Staten Island…. Well, let's just say I met one person who lives there but somehow his name completely slipped off my mind.
 
3. New York can be called the Freedom of Expression Haven, People generally do not give a damn what they wear. From looking like a model for Prada straight from Vogue Magazine to looking like an inhabitant of Planet Pluto, you can find them here. Nyorkers are also confident to show off their "assets". When it is summer, go to Central Park and you would understand what I mean. You would even ask yourself, why the hell did they even try to wear something that skimpy when you can literally see all "thy kingdom come?"
 
4. All kind of love can be found here in NY. Too much self- love (narcissism), love for dogs, cats, snakes even the whole animal planet, love for sex, love for fashion which is tantamount to love of credit cards. Of course there is the love between a man and a woman yet I find it more interesting to see the love between a man and 2, 3 up to 4 women. Not to mention the love between 2 Adams, between 2 Eves and love that depends on the season. When I first saw two hot women making out in Bryant Park (and also biting each other lovingly), I was such in awe and it was only seconds before I tripped. Blame it on rude staring. One time I sat on the steps of the National Library and caught a glimpse of how handsome the men in NY are. I enjoyed so much the experience especially when two men/ two women who are obviously lovers pass by. This I don't get to see everyday in my country.
 
5. Nyorkers are beautiful and handsome. Well it depends really on your perception of what is beautiful or ugly. Combine your perception of beauty with your sense of smell too.
 
6. Nyorkers are rude. Ooops! Let me correct myself. There are rude people,
slightly rude people and the extremely, to the max, to the utmost rude people. In the subway, you may find yourself unlucky if your morning greeting or goodnight message is "Pak You, MaderPaker!", "What the Pak are you looking at?" or even "Watch your Paking mouth or I Paking beat the Pak out of you!" I call them the PAKERS (pronounced with the short a sound). In order not to be sucked into their warped zone, just imagine that you are a small stone who can just stare at the pair of shoes of the person sitting across you.  
7. But to be fair to humankind, there are still those who have souls. There are many friendly Nyorkers but sometimes it gets annoying especially when they are too friendly. In cave man's term, they are excessively wanting attention! Throughout the time I have been here, I have learned to greet random people on the street which in my country, we don't usually do. If someone greets me, I reply graciously too and say "Have a good day" since I don't want to mistaken as a PAKER.
 
8. As a teacher, I have discovered that grammar is not so important to most Nyorkers. As long as they understand you, there is no problem thus world peace. They call it "functional english". And Nyorkers have this distinct accent and way speaking which I will expound later in the book. I got used already to this mode of communication. I also tell my friends who plan to work here that they should not waste time to correct the grammar of "We was at the mall today" or don't lose your hair if the spelling of turtle is turtel or turtell.
 
9. New York is Shopping Paradise. All the original as well as the fake can be bought here. Prada becomes Prado, Louis Vuitton becomes Lou Biton and Burberry becomes Bruberry. You can buy them from Chang Li or from Joe my Man! You can also ask for discounts. Unlike in my country, you can go inside any store or shop like Macys, JC Penny, Banana Republic, Gap, H & M, Lord and Taylor and many others without the salesperson giving you "the eye" if you don't' buy anything.However, if you are anti –piracy, anti fakelore, go to Fifth Avenue at go inside stores like Chanel, Tiffany and Co., Escada, Gucci, Cartier, etc. Just don't forget to bring a pill for dizziness or bring a person to catch your fall when you faint upon seeing the prices of the items. Consider the prices of a watch, blouse, a handkerchief or even a pen as more expensive compared to the value of your life. Include also the life of your mom, cousin or even your neighbor from the other block.
 
10. If you have read number 9, you should know already that CREDIT CARDS are the "lifeline" of Nyorkers. I discovered that Cash is not used so much in business transactions here. Within two years, I was like a Pavlov Dog who gets excited when I hear the sound of my credit card "Ka ching!" and salivate at the sign, "please swipe your card". I am now conditioned to "hand over" my card everytime I buy something. I am proud to say that I always pay my dues on time since I took the warning seriously, "If you abuse your credit cards, you will dive, try to swim and eventually drown in debt".
 
11. NYC welcomes all ARTISTS. From painters, singers, dancers even to that green man who pretends to be the Statue of Liberty in the Subway station. I am his fan because he does not move for a long time considering that I can't even hold my breath for ten seconds. Arts decorate NY. Just visit different Musuems like the Met, MoMa,Guggenheim, Museum of Natural History and so many others and it will be an experience, an amazing one. However, if you are the risk taker type, go to The Bronx and try to decipher the Graffiti in front, side and back of apartment buildings. Of course, the PAKERS are the artists. If you can distinguish the details of the graffiti "PAK YOU" and "MADERPAKER LIFE", then you are considered an "Advocate of the Arts." Live up to the role and give a quarter or a dollar if you are not a cheapskate to the man who plays his guitar so PAKING good or to the group of dancers that you secretly envy since they can dance like they have no bones.
 
12. New York has four seasons namely Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall (come on, don't be shy to sing the song). I particularly hate winter (obviously since I came from a tropical country). Aside from being so cold, I feel that I am transported to the North Pole and I hate the process of dressing up so I won't end up as a living icicle. First, put on the thermal shirt followed by the thermal pants. Second, put on a thick shirt plus a sweater and a wool jacket. Third wear waterproof pants and do not ever forget to put on the coat, hat, gloves/ mittens and the matching scarf. Approximately for four months, my fashion statement is "Frosty the Snowman."