So it’s stopped raining anyway. It’s too hot again so we’ve something else to be complaining about. Let me tell you about my first breakfast in Myrtle Beach. I hadn’t done any shopping yet so on the first morning so when my jetlagged mind told me to get up at the ungodly hour of 7:30, my stomach told me to eat. To only logical course of action was for me to tell my legs to start walking and find the nearest reputable eatery. I had no idea where ANYTHING was on the first day so I just wandered in a straight line. I figured it would be pretty safe at 7:30. No sooner had I left the courtyard when an industrious young gentleman approached me and asked if I was looking for anything. I replied that yes indeed I was looking for some nutritious early morning sustenance in the form of breakfast and he said he didn’t do breakfast but if I needed anything else I was to come find him. What a considerate young man, trying to make me feel at home like that! In any case we went our separate ways and the first establishment I happened upon was a place called Pappy’s Kitchen. Incidentally, this town contains also contains a Mammy’s Kitchen and a Grand mama’s Kitchen. Why Mammy and Pappy don’t share a kitchen is beyond me – presumably this is a symptom of dysfunctional 21^st century America. In any case, Pappy’s Kitchen certainly did not resemble my Pappy’s kitchen, or my Grand mama’s for that matter, and the place was entirely devoid of anyone resembling a Pappy. In fact the place was deserted, bar two bored waitresses one of whom referred to me as sugar. The décor was a charming grey and white colour scheme and, the leather on the benches was worn by years of harsh sunlight and coarse American jeans. Three of the eight ceiling fans swirled lazily overhead, too slowly to provide any hope of a breeze but loudly enough to provide a reluctant soundtrack to the deathly monotony of my first breakfast in the deep south. (Man I’m really getting into this – it wasn’t really that bad!) I went for the breakfast special for $2.99; toast, an egg and a sausage (one could choose whether one wanted it in the shape of a burger or the shape of a sausage. Aghast at the thought of a sausage burger, I naturally chose the conventional sausage.) I then declined the egg as I’m not a big fan of eggs. I also ordered tea. The tea was brought immediately in a red plastic glass filled three quarters of the way with ice and with a splash of sugar-laden cold tea. Too tired to try to explain in my apparently unintelligible accent what tea was, I threw it back in two slugs and ordered a refill. My sausage was accompanied by a splat of some unidentifiable gruel-like substance of which the waitress had declined to warn me. It was warm and tasteless and since this ‘meal’ was essentially about making me not hungry I acquiesced, and ate it all. The sausage was equally uninspiring and I have no doubt that in more favourable circumstances featuring the possibility of acquiring either Denny or Galtee products, I would not have spit on this pathetic excuse for a sausage. I couldn’t help but mentally contrast this meal with the fine seafood dinner I had enjoyed in Annapolis two nights previously and satisfied with my contempt for practically every aspect of my dining experience, I left a one-dollar tip and went home. THE END. Tune in tomorrow for more unjustified holiday whining (this is still way better than being stuck at home doing nothing!) on equally random topics. Y’all come back now ye hear?!

Hey how y’all doin today? So Myrtle Beach. My first impressions. The airplane was tiny. The airport was tiny and it was extremely hot when I left the terminal eventhough it was overcast and looked like rain. On the taxi ride to my lodgings I began to come to the conclusion that this place was a total dump and probably fairly dangerous. Having come from DC where everything was perfect and pretty, this was a bit of a shock. All the houses were dilapidated and falling apart. Everywhere you look are horrible high rise hotels and nasty cheap motels. The one I’m staying at is no exception. I’ve included some photos. The proprietors are scum and will try to screw you at every possible opportunity. They tried to overcharge me in three different ways. You have to watch em like a hawk. They have five of us crammed into a tiny bedroom smaller than my single room in Castlewhite with no air conditioning in the bedroom and fairly unsophisticated air conditioning in the kitchen/living room. We had to buy a fan for the bedroom and it’s not great. The location is simply charming (sarcasm). Immediately to the west is Chester Street – the crack district. An undercover cop pulled up when the girls in my flat were walking there and told them never to walk down there again day or night – even the cops can’t go there unless they’re undercover. That’s the only really dangerous place though. The rest of it is just unappealing. Going out anywhere at night is a absolute no-no. I do it all the time in Cork but I wouldn’t even think about it here. It just doesn’t feel safe. There’s white trash and poor black people sauntering around everywhere in groups of at least five and eventhough I haven’t actually seen a fight here yet or any actual real crime, it just feels really dodgy. We’re safe in Rainbow Court though cos there’s security guards with powers of arrest and there’s lots of Irish lads living here and there’s enough of us to take anyone who came in causing trouble. There’s lots of black people living here too though and it’s amazing how they just don’t mix at all. They just don’t talk to us. This area is full of two bit crooks, ten dollar hookers, drunks, thieves and gamblers. OK so I’m using a little poetic licence. I brought a book of Charles Bukowski’s poems with me. He likes to write about sleazy motels like this one so I’m being influenced by him. He somehow manages to add a sense of romanticism to a life of squalor that makes living here more interesting. The cops around here seem to be crooked or at least bored and up for making a bit of trouble. They like arresting rich white kids who’ve just graduated for stupid things like noise pollution or holding an open beer can on the street. And when they arrest you they actually handcuff you and make you sit on the pavement (I’ve seen it happen) even if you’re not being aggressive. The laws they have here are ridiculous and I’m not talking about silly archaic laws that are no longer enforced - they’re actually serious. Like cruising for example is illegal - cruising is defined as driving past the same place more than once in two hours. This is to combat people going for spins for the sake of showing of their 4x4s and shouting at people as they pass. This actually does create traffic congestion. Hundreds of people just drive round and round for no reason. It’s also illegal to change your clothes in a toilet or to fall asleep in a library! Who gives a crap what you do in a toilet!!! And in fairness, studying is not the most exciting activity known to man and has been known to induce sleep in the subject through no fault of his own. Because of traffic congestion, you’ll rarely see a cop car. They ride around in twos on bicycles instead glaring at teenagers.

My apartment - the tv didn’t work for a week - it’s fine now. We don’t have a kettle. Apparently, Americans just have coffee makers (we have one but none of us drink coffee). I have to use a saucepan to make tea. Tea can only be purchased in Walmart and they don’t have Earl Grey - just Green or Herbal. To make toast you have to manually hold down the handle of the toaster until it’s ready. I’m probably being way too fussy - the pool is right outside the door and the beach is right across the street. And as you can see from the photos, while the motel is pretty crappy looking, there are lots of nice places in the city. Mainly Ocean Boulevard - but all these places require money - there’s nowhere nice that you can just hang out. I was just spoiled by the beauty of DC and it’s surrounding areas and automatically expected this place to be the same except beside the beach. You just have to embrace the romanticism of poverty and you’ll be grand. I’m getting used to it now. I’ve adapted to the heat. It doesn’t really bother me anymore. It actually hit 97F (around 35C methinks) a few days ago and I was grand! Even the locals were uncomforable in that heat. They’re mad into motorbikes here. They’re all really powerful ones as well - no surprise there. They have hotels that specialize in bikers. Apparently there’s no law that requires you to wear a helmet here. They all ride around in shorts and t-shirt here. The first night I was here though we had a spectacular thunderstorm. It sounded like a shotgun going off right outside and I hit the floor because it was my first night there and I kinda expected that to be the norm. But when I got up and went out to the porch I was able to relax and enjoy the show. It was beautiful. The whole sky lit up purple with every flash of lightning. Then we had a really hot week and I naturally got burned despite taking fairly reasonable care. Now it has just started pelting rain as I reached Club Boomer (this internet café) and a strong wind has whipped up. People are getting a little worried about Tropical Storm Alberto which is nearly technically a hurricane. 20,000 people have had a mandatory evacuation in Florida and according to the Weather Channel - the projected path of Alberto goes right over South Carolina. It will hopefully have lost some of it’s strength by then. We’re being told by the weather channel to review our emergency plan and prepare to board windows and stuff but I think they’re just being alarmist to increase ratings. Some people are even saying it could be a good thing because the farmers desperately need some rain so it can’t be that serious. The area that was evacuated in Florida was evacuated only because most of it is right on the coastline and only 4inches above sea level. Then again, so are we. I’m not going to lose any sleep over it though. I just have to figure out a way of getting home through this rain now. It’s a 15minute jog to rainbow court and I’m wearing a basketball jersey and shorts. I’d say I’ll just leg it. I don’t start work till Saturday. I’ve got orientation on Friday so I’ve got a few days to kill. I’ve found a firing range so I might go there tomorrow. I’ll probably check back with ye again tomorrow. I’ve got to tell you what I’ve actually been doing these past few days. So much to talk about, my flatmates, food, shopping, religion, music. Good luck for now!

Hey sorry I haven’t had a chance to write until now but I couldn’t find a cybercafe till today - there’s only one here - Club Boomer - run by some Russian guy called Maximus with a love of black paint and german death metal.Until now I just had an hour a day in the library. Let me say first of all that I am a complete idiot and have managed to delete half the photos I took in DC but I have the other half and am uploading them as I speak. Secondly, please allow me to encourage you to click on the google ads on this page in order to make me money! Thirdly, in case you didn’t know, I got a tatoo a few months back and have included a photo of it for anyone who might be interested. Finally, allow me to apologise for the undoubtedly haphazard style that I am sure my writing will take because I have so much to tell you about and am cursed with a lack of clarity caused by trying to store seven days’ information in my head till now. I’ve been here for a week now so it may take me several days to bring you up to speed. Today I’ll just try to tell you about my first two days in Washington DC.

It was a very long flight - I watched three movies - our pilot was Buzz. Buzz decided to take a very peculiar flight path to get to DC. We had to go over Newfoundland, Nova Scotia, Boston, Baltimore and then circle around DC for about half an hour. Security was fine but I did get sniffed by a police dog. My cousin John met me at the airport. The first thing I noticed when I got outside the airport was the heat. Apparently it was a fairly mild day - in the high 70s which I think is the high 20s at home. They have these silvery sheets they put inside the windshields of parked cars to keep out the heat. It’s a lot hotter down south - it was 90 two days ago - but my body has finally adjusted to the heat and I can even run around outside a bit now without dying.

The second thing I noticed was the American flags everywhere. Like everything else in this country, they’re massive and in DC, there seems to be an unspoken rule that there must be more than one of them visible everywhere you go.

The third thing I noticed was the size of their cars - yes as you know they like them big too. I’ve been collecting photos of their massive trucks. The further south you go the bigger they get. They have loads of so-called monster trucks down here that obnoxious rednecks like to drive while waving confederate flags and shouting obscenities at passers-by over the roar of the engine. At 2miles a gallon, the vehicle resembles the owner - obscene. I have seen some beautiful cars here though, the most beautiful of which is a yellow Corvette convertible which I got a photo of which I subsequently deleted!!!

Anyway, as soon as I landed, I was brought over to my cousin, Kate’s house who showed me around her part of town, Alexandria. It’s a lovely place with lots of old wooden American-style houses and big green areas that have to be sprinkled to keep em green. We dropped into the Austin Grill for my first foray into the scary world of Mexican food. I ordered 7up and was given a cattle trough full of it. It only comes in extra large. I had lots of physically painful food I can’t pronounce and even the 7up trough couldn’t quench the fire that was created in my throat. Some of it was nice though but you can’t tell which is which and since I can’t remember what any of them were called, I don’t think this is an experience I would readily repeat.

One thing they love here are dogs. Everyone’s got at least one and there are dog parks and even dog happy hours specially for them. It seems that canine ownership is merely an excuse to engage in thinly veiled flirting with other dog owners. They take them for walks hoping that they will find another dog’s ass to sniff so that the humans can make small talk. It’s kinda endearing in a pathetic kinda way.

They’re also mad into their jogging. They do be joggin all over the place like they’ve nothing else to be doing. They’re not going anywhere, they’re not training for some sport, they’re just jogging for the sake of it in the hot June sun, sweating away all their bodily fluids. Mad! Maybe it’s just a DC thing though cos I haven’t seen a single jogger down here in SC.

Speaking of sport I’ve been trying to suss out the main powers here in the US. Soccer is actually the most popular kids’ sport in DC apparently but I doubt many of them keep it on when the get older. Lacrosse (you know like hurling except with a little net on the end of the hurley) is also surprisingly popular mainly in the middle and upper classes I think. They do know the World Cup is on - it’s not a major deal like at home but it’s easy to find a pub showing the matches and you can see it on any tv on ESPN. It seems it it growing in popularity with every World Cup as the USA squad continues to improve. Apparently, the USA team winning the female World Cup in ‘99 was the catalyst for a massive growth in interest in the sport here. Then you have the American sports football, basketball, baseball, hockey. Basketball is played in winter so there wasn’t any to be seen. I did see the Carolina Hurricanes playing hockey on ESPN and it is a very fast moving, easy to understand and entertaining game. Down south though it’s all football with a bit of baseball.

One thing you get up in DC a lot is Texans - all Bush’s cronies work up here and they’re one of the only states apparently that have a strong sense of identity - not dissimilar to the independent republic of Cork. They’re not afraid to walk around the capital in their Stetson’s anyway and I get the feeling that the Texans are running the country.

The traffic in DC can be really bad but on the interstate, everyone drives insanely fast - like over 70mph. The lorries have no problem keeping up either because they are massive (surprise surprise). There is a special lane that only cars containing three or more people can use. So the resourceful Washington folk have developed an informal system where people known as slugs line up in predetermined places that they all seem to automatically know about and cars stop there specially to take on passengers going in the same direction as them so they can use the 3person lane. I doesn’t seem to bother anyone that they’re taking strangers into their cars on a daily basis but there’s an unspoken rule that you’re not allowed to make small talk with eachother. Weird!

John's family were lovely, they welcomed me with a big welcome poster with drawings of pots of gold, shamrocks and leprechaun hats on it. Although the young one was a bit confused about the difference between Ireland and Italy. She was surprised to discover that we had electricity as she hadn't noticed any power lines in the pictures she had seen of Ireland on the internet. I had blueberry pancakes and stripy rashers (they’re totally different to our rashers - they put em in the microwave) for breakfast at my cousins’ the next day. Then he took me on a tour of the Pentagon! He’s a marine and he works there. Security was very tight and I had to be accompanied the whole time. Inside is an entire shopping mall and food court. Lot’s of offices and a courtyard in the middle where people chill out. There are patriotic posters and memorabilia all over the place with slogans such as ‘Relevant and Ready’ emblazoned across them. It has it’s own metro station under it. You can’t get near the place without seeing tons of marines, soldiers, sailors and airmen walking around the place. That’s the thing about America - Washington DC far more than the south though - war is just part of life. Soldiers in uniform walk around the streets going about their daily business with their families in tow. Signs on the subway warning of emergencies. Bumper stickers saying ‘support our troops.’ Military discounts in shops. The movie ‘Along Came Polly’ that I watched on TV was ‘brought to you by the US Army’. Nobody seems to find this even slightly weird - why would the US Army want to bring me a light-hearted romantic comedy starring Jennifer Anniston and Ben Stiller? There are ads on TV trying to get you to join the army where this young black man says to his mother at the table ‘I found someone to pay for my college tuition and before you say anything, I’ve checked them out and it’s time for me to step up and be a man’. His mother looks at him and with a newfound respect in her voice says ‘All right’. It just feels a little bit underhanded and propaganda-like. DC is a military hub and in the section of white picket-fence suburbia where my cousin lived, practically everyone who lived there was in the military of FBI. You’ve got the pentagon in the city, the Marine Base in nearby Quantico and the Naval Academy in Annapolis. It’s just very much a part of everyday life over there.

After the Pentagon, we strolled around and did all the tourist sites for a few hours and then we went out to Annapolis to meet up with some more of the extended family and have dinner in a very nice seafood restaurant. I didn’t think I’d like seafood but I did! I had crab legs, oysters and rockfish and I liked them all!

The next day we took the scenic route to the airport so I got to see some of the countryside. I saw some American red barns, a buzzard, a hawk, a squirrel and a dead racoon. I know - I’m easily entertained. So what did I think of the place? Kick ass. It is really beautiful and every single person I spoke to was insanely nice and friendly. It’s the kind of place I could see myself living in.

Tomorrow hopefully I’ll get a chance to tell you about Myrtle Beach.

So this is where I'll be writing my online diary for a while. It promises to be a most turbulent and eventful read - well it better be or I shall be rather peeved. I'll take photos as I go and upload them to www.blogtext.org/gctrionaem/myimages where y'all can see em or else just click the 'photos' tab above. This is my message in a bottle to the world at large or anyone who cares to listen - I hope that someone gets it.

Eoin.