I was watching the first season of "My Name is Earl" after a week of tremendous stress from work. It was a good time to kick off my shoes and let my eyes be glued to the tube. I watched at least five episodes that I missed and honestly, the show's humor teaches me a lot of things about the concept of karma. I consider myself a plausible epitome of the yin and yang of things. My life is more than a wheel thus it is always on the go. There are days I feel that I am the queen of England and days that I feel like I am flushed away in the sewage. I relate to Jason Lee who tries to make up for his misdeeds. I am responsible for my mistakes and I stopped blaming others. Probably my cells are growing old which makes me think harder. Utmost thinking lead to my realization that karma does indeed, exists.
1. When I was in Nursery school, I like to pretend that I was too sleepy to make it to class. This made my grandmother take pity on me and let me sleep in until lunchtime. I only attended an equivalent of one month out of the ten months my aunt paid for. The result, I did not learn my ABC's which led to my mother's belief that I was retarded. She dragged me back to the hell house and hit me on the head with a ruler until I read the list words under the - at family. Talk about "military schooling."
2. Just like any kid in the universe, I wanted to be spoiled. I got my wish and my grandmother would prepare my meals ala carte. I can demand what I wanted to eat and there should always be peaches for dessert. Alas! I was returned to my mother who dumped wild beans on my plate. When I said, "I want peaches!" The only peaches I got were the double slaps on my pudgy cheeks.
3. My grandmother and aunt never prevented me from honing my social skills. From birth to 6 years old, I was Ms. Friendship. From the oldest lady in the street down to the fishball man, I can strike up a conversation. In other words, I was always out of the house. My mother assumed that I will become a future bum. Hence, she instilled a rule that I can only play for one hour. Well this never prevented my friends to call "Hazel! Come out and play!" I would just look out the window and tried desperately to give them the "Be quiet! or I will be dead meat." sign.
4. I pretended to have poor hearing. I wanted to escape doing house chores. I miscalculated because my mom just screamed louder and added more chores to my name including pulling out her grey hair with a set of rusty tweezers.
5. In school I traded my food for toys. Besides I hate my snacks of artificial orange juice and butter sandwich. When I came home, I get to be spanked until my butt turns red but hey, I loved those tiny paper dolls.
6. I hated my religion classes, I hated my religion teachers. I hated my religion books. My mom paid for my Gospel Comics subscription.
7. During my high school days I had a pattern for my grades. High marks during the first grading period then sudden drop in the second grading period. Third grading period is my favorite, barely passing. Final grading, I would ace the tests. This infuriated my mother. She gets pissed. She gets more pissed when my grandmother would say "She is just pretending to be dumb. She is smart but she is rebelling against you." Thanks grandma for helping me get another serving of four hours of sermon about "making something out of yourself" from mom.
8. I declared that I did not know what to take in college. Honestly I just wanted to be an artist who splashes paint on walls. My mother decided I should take up Psychology so I can figure out myself. I did, only I realized she was the one who was twisted and not me.
9. I wanted freedom so I ran away from home. My parents contacted the police but my grandma knows where I was. Both of us laughed at my mom who scolded me like I was under the Spanish Inquisition. Vividly, I recall my dad smiling secretly at me as if saying, "You are free."
10.I fell in love stupidly. My mom tried to stop me. I wished she tried harder but it was my fault. I liked it when she gets pissed. My biggest regret though was hurting no one but myself.
New York paved its way to my heart as I struggle to survive each day. Yin and Yang are always present but I try to maintain a cosmic balance. Perhaps one day, I can be partners with karma and forgive those who made a fool out of me.....including myself.
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