How to tell if you might be a "high tech redneck"

If your e-mail address ends in ".over.yonder.com".

If you connect to the World Wide Web via a "Down Home Page".

If the bumper sticker on your truck says "My other computer is a laptop".

If your laptop has a sticker that says "Protected by Smith and Wesson".

If you've ever doubled the value of your truck by installing a cellular phone.

If your baseball cap read "AOL Sucks!" instead of "CAT".

If your computer is worth more than all your cars combined.

If your wife said "either she or the computer had to go", and you still don't miss her.

If you've ever used an AOL CD-ROM as a coaster to set your beer on.

If you ever refer to your computer as "Ole Bessy" or "Darlin".

If your screen saver is a bitmap image of your favorite truck, tractor, or porno star.

If you start all your e-mails with the words "Howdy ya’ll" or "Hey Bubba".

Joke of the Day - 10/10/05

A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left.

The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty wing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.

Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag and looks at her and says, "I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea."

The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared.

Shaken, the wife calls out to her husband, "Honey, you won't believe what just happened. Where are you?"

The husband answered, "I'm over here in the pussy willows."

The wife screams back, "Whatever you do --------DON'T HIT THAT BALL!

Recognize this Jerk?...

Would You Buy A Used Cure From This Man?

Crimes and clowns: A look at pitchman Kevin Trudeau's shady past

AUGUST 26--When we first heard about this fellow Kevin Trudeau--best-selling author of "Natural Cures," infomercial king, and scourge of the Federal Trade Commission--one line from his resume jumped out at us. And that would be his federal felony conviction, a collar he considers a youthful indiscretion, though he was 28 when he copped an April 1991 plea to two counts of credit card fraud. Trudeau's indictment, a copy of which you'll find below, was filed in Massachusetts and charged him with using "unauthorized access devices" to defraud American Express out of $122,735.68 (he also swindled about five grand from several banks, including Chemical and Citibank).

Over five years, Trudeau, now 42, used false names and social security numbers to secure charge cards which he then ferociously milked. Prior to Trudeau's sentencing, his lawyer provided the judge with an entertaining psychiatric report that recommended a probation term, not jail, for Trudeau. According to Dr. Daniel Schwartz, Trudeau had been chasing money since his boyhood, when he delivered newspapers, shoveled snow, and eventually became a "professional magician." Not surprisingly, he would also excel as a car salesman. Trudeau, Schwartz noted, had a prior grand larceny rap and seemed obsessed with money, feeling "compelled to spend everything he earned and live like a king." Saddled with an "inner psychological turmoil" that apparently stemmed from being put up for adoption, "Trudeau's drive to succeed has been so intense that it has on numerous occasions impaired his judgment," reported Schwartz.

As for his diagnosis, Schwartz concluded that Trudeau had a "mixed personality disorder" and "an adjustment disorder with mixed disturbance of emotions and conduct." Along with the Schwartz missive, Trudeau's counsel also submitted a letter from Trudeau's mother to Judge Edward Harrington. Mary Trudeau noted that her boy was a prince who was "president of the Junior Clowns of America," a post from which he "helped and guided children interested in clowning." Despite that commendable work, Trudeau was sentenced to two years in prison and ordered to make restitution on his credit card schemes. After serving 21 months in Uncle Sam's custody, Trudeau was released in August 1993 and placed on two years probation.

True story - Sydney, Australia...

Lady fined for walking slowly! AFP - Sydney, October 7, 2005

An 83-year-old Australian woman who was fined for crossing the road too slowly has had the ticket torn up following community outrage, reports said. Pensioner Pat Gallen, who uses a walking stick to get around, was fined 30 dollars (23 US dollars) for failing to cross a road in her hometown of Malanda in far north Queensland "in the most direct route," The Daily Telegraph reported. "She didn't know whether to laugh or cry," her friend Fay Millist was quoted as saying. "Everyone thought the whole thing was so wrong in the first place for someone of that age." Police said the ticket, which had been issued by officers who were passing through the town, had been torn up. "Taking into account all the circumstances of the case and the public interest it was decided to have the ticket withdrawn," Mareeba District Inspector Rolf Straatemeier told the Cairns Post. Gallen said she would have fought the ticket in court. "But the matter has been resolved, the police have apologised, everyone has had a laugh and now we can forget about it," she told the paper.

Be sure to check out my Photo Albums. 

Updated October 10, 2005 - Actual Funny Signs...worth checking out, for sure!

This is the latest photo of what experts have claimed to be the leader of an Extraterrestrial latino gang... 

Silly Facts You Don't Need to Know...

• The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

• Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. 

• A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

• The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."

• All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.

• Almonds are a member of the peach family.

• Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula" and it can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: "LA"

• A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

• An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

• Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

• In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

• Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

• The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life."

• A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

• A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

• It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

• Who's that singing & playing the piano on the "Mad About You" theme? Paul Reiser himself.

• In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

• The name for Oz in the "Wizard of Oz" was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z; hence the name "OZ".

• The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

• John Lennon's first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.

• "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

Some interesting records & facts...

• The blue whale is the largest animal that ever lived (it could reach 100 feet long and weight up to 150 tons!)

• The longest bout of hiccups lasted 69 years!

• The smallest cat is the Singapuras and weighs only 4 pounds

• The longest movie made lasts 85 hours and is fittingly titled "The Cure for Insomnia."

• The deadliest disease was the pneumonic form of the Black Death of 1347-1351. It had death rate of 100%.

• Hans Langseth had the longest beard at a record length of 17 1/2 feet long! When he died, his beard was given to the Smithsonian Institute.

• The fastest bird is the peregrine falcon. It can fly at a speed of 168-217 miles per hour.
  

This is an actual road sign...