Florida 3, Washington 2  

SUNRISE, Fla. (AP) -- The Florida Panthers' turned their special-teams play around in a hurry against the Washington Capitals.

Anthony Stewart and Mike Van Ryn scored on power plays, and Juraj Kolnik added a short-handed goal in Florida's 3-2 victory Thursday night.

``The play of our special teams has been losing us games,'' Van Ryn said. ``It was nice to win one that way.''

The Panthers entered the game with the 29th-ranked power play in the NHL, and they had allowed three power-play goals in each of the last two games, losses at the New York Rangers and New Jersey.

``We needed to be better on the power play, and we were,'' coach Jacques Martin said. ``Overall, I thought that the special teams were the difference in the hockey game.''

Rookie Alexander Ovechkin scored both goals for Washington. The top pick in the 2004 draft, Ovechkin has a point in each of Washington's eight games, the longest scoring streak in the league.

``We're lucky to have him,'' Washington coach Glen Hanlon said. ``He's an incredible person. He's had a great start to his season and it continues for him.''

Kolnik and Van Ryn scored in the second period when the Panthers broke a 1-1 tie and set a franchise record with 28 shots. Florida outshot Washington 49-31 overall.

``We didn't score a lot of goals, but our main focus has been to get more shots, said Florida captain Olli Jokinen, who assisted on Van Ryn's goal. ``That's what's good about tonight. We had close to 50 shots, and that's a positive.''

Roberto Luongo stopped 30 shots for Florida, 4-1 at home.

Olaf Kolzig made 46 saves for Washington.

``Ollie gave us an opportunity to win a game as he always does,'' Hanlon said. ``But at the end of the night we didn't deserve to win the hockey game.''

After Ovechkin gave Washington the lead with his fifth goal of the season, Stewart tied it with his first NHL goal in his second career game.

Stewart put in a loose puck in the crease after Jay Bouwmeester's wrist shot from the point was tipped and went through Kolzig's legs and off the post.

``It's a terrific feeling,'' said Stewart, recalled from Rochester of the AHL on Tuesday. ``For me to be successful up here, I have to keep the pressure on in front of the net and be aggressive.''

Kolnik gave Florida a 2-1 lead at 12:07 of the second period after blocking Jamie Heward's pass in the Washington zone with his skate as he fell down. Kolnik then got to his feet and fought off Heward to beat Kolzig with a wrist shot to the stick side.

``I was trying to put as much pressure on as I could,'' Kolnik said. ``The puck came right between my legs. When I saw it, I wanted to put the puck on the net. I knew the goalie wouldn't be ready for a quick, early shot, so I kept it low and it went in.''

Van Ryn completed the second-period scoring with a slap shot off the post from the top of the faceoff circle.

``We've been trying to have a shot mentality in our heads,'' Van Ryn said. ``Tonight we got some pucks through. When you get the puck on net, good things happen.''

Ovechkin pulled Washington to 3-2 at 17:21 of the third period when he streaked down the left side and flipped a shot that trickled in off Luongo's shoulder.

``We didn't have a good second period,'' Heward said. ``We played well in the first period and in the third period, but we had a breakdown in the second and gave up too many shots.''

Notes

Florida's previous record for shots in a period was 26, done in the second period against Pittsburgh on Feb. 12, 2004. The 28 shots also set a Washington record for shots allowed. The previous mark was 27 against Pittsburgh in a 12-1 loss on March 15, 1975, in the Capitals' first NHL season. ... Florida C Chris Gratton was back in the lineup after missing three games because of a groin injury. ... Washington D Bryan Muir didn't travel with the team because of a groin injury. He hasn't played since Oct. 12.

• Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
• If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
• If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out its nose?
• You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"? 
• If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible? 

And finally...

• Why does your nose run and your feet smell? 
  
  
   
  

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

ARLINGTON, Texas (AP) — Best known as the furry Chewbacca, 7-foot-3 British actor Peter Mayhew is now a naturalized American. Mayhew softly recited the oath to become a U.S. citizen Monday, with his raised right hand trembling slightly.
 
  Mayhew decided to pursue his U.S. citizenship after marrying a Texan, but joked that he'll keep his Wookie passport. 
By Matt Slocum, AP

He was among more than 450 people from 56 countries who became naturalized Americans in a ceremony in Arlington.

"I'll have a British passport, an American passport and a Wookiee passport," joked Mayhew, alluding to the interplanetary traveler from Kashyyyk he played.

Mayhew autographed dozens of fabric U.S. flags and citizenship packets before the ceremony and posed with immigration officials afterward.

The former English hospital worker said he decided to seek American citizenship when he got married "to a Texan lady." Mayhew and his wife wed six years ago. His wife, Angelique, was beside him, with a drawing depicting Chewbacca, a background of the American flag and Union Jack and the words "Citizen Wookiee."

"Well it was a natural thing being married to a Texan," said Mayhew, wearing black slacks and jacket. "I wanted to become an American because Texas is an integral part of America, its lifestyle."

In most cases, an immigrant must be a legal permanent resident for five years before becoming a citizen. The wait is three years if the person marries a U.S. citizen. Candidates also must pass history, English and civics exams.

"You have to do obviously some research, but the questions are easy enough if you think about them," Mayhew said of his citizenship test, adding that he picked up much of his knowledge of American history and culture over more than a decade of living in the U.S.

Mayhew was born in Barnes, England, and now lives in Granbury, Texas, west of Dallas-Fort Worth. He makes appearances at science fiction conventions around the country.

His film career was launched in 1977 as the role of the Minotaur in Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger. He had been working as an orderly at London's King's College Hospital when he was featured in a newspaper article about men with large feet, which caught the eye of the movie's producers.

The many faces of celebrity TC'ers and more...

"With a cure rate of 75%, I'd hate to not survive because I was 74!"

-dwr

The chemo drugs that will be wreaking havoc in my body...

Bleomycin Drug type: Bleomycin is an anti-cancer ("antineoplastic" or "cytotoxic") chemotherapy drug.  This medication is classified as an "antitumor antibiotic." (For more detail, see "How this drug works" section below). What this drug is used for: Used in the treatment of squamous cell cancers, melanoma, sarcoma, testicular cancer, Hodgkin's and non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. Also used to treat pleural effusion (build up of fluid in the space between the lining of the lung and the chest wall). Side effects: The following side effects are common: Fever and chills (see flu-like symptoms). Skin reactions: redness, darkening of the skin, stretch marks on the skin, skin peeling, thickening of the skin, ulceration.  Nail thickening, nail banding (see skin reactions). Hair loss. Nausea and vomiting.  Poor appetite and weight loss. Mouth sores. Lung problems: pneumonitis, rarely pulmonary fibrosis. The incidence of lung problems increases with age and pre-existing lung conditions. There is a maximum lifetime dose of bleomycin. Your health care professional will monitor the amount of bleomycin you receive as well as your lung function during treatment. Occasionally this can cause "radiation recall" effect.  (see skin reactions) Less Common but significant side effects may include: Vascular effects leading to heart attack or stroke - potentially life-threatening conditions, or Raynaud's phenomenon (a disorder of the small blood vessels that feed the skin, most commonly affecting the hands and feet). Severe allergic reaction (anaphylaxis) immediate or delayed for several hours.  You will be monitored closely for any signs of allergic reaction (rash, flushing, lowered blood pressure, difficulty breathing). How this drug works: Cancerous tumors are characterized by cell division, which is no longer controlled as it is in normal tissue. "Normal" cells stop dividing when they come into contact with like cells, a mechanism known as contact inhibition.  Cancerous cells lose this ability. Cancer cells no longer have the normal checks and balances in place that control and limit cell division.  The process of cell division, whether normal or cancerous cells, is through the cell cycle.  The cell cycle goes from the resting phase, through active growing phases, and then to mitosis (division). The ability of chemotherapy to kill cancer cells depends on its ability to halt cell division.  Usually, the drugs work by damaging the RNA or DNA that tells the cell how to copy itself in division. If the cells are unable to divide, they die.  The faster the cells are dividing, the more likely it is that chemotherapy will kill the cells, causing the tumor to shrink. They also induce cell suicide (self-death or apoptosis). Chemotherapy drugs that affect cells only when they are dividing are called cell-cycle specific.  Chemotherapy drugs that affect cells when they are at rest are called cell-cycle non-specific.  The scheduling of chemotherapy is set based on the type of cells, rate at which they divide, and the time at which a given drug is likely to be effective.  This is why chemotherapy is typically given in cycles. Chemotherapy is most effective at killing cells that are rapidly dividing.  Unfortunately, chemotherapy does not know the difference between the cancerous cells and the normal cells. The "normal" cells will grow back and be healthy but in the meantime, side effects occur.  The "normal" cells most commonly affected by chemotherapy are the blood cells, the cells in the mouth, stomach and bowel, and the hair follicles; resulting in low blood counts, mouth sores, nausea, diarrhea, and/or hair loss.  Different drugs may affect different parts of the body. Bleomycin is classified as an antitumor antibiotic.  Antitumor antibiotics are made from natural products produced by species of the soil fungus Streptomyces.  These drugs act during multiple phases of the cell cycle and are considered cell-cycle specific.  There are several types of antitumor antibiotics: Anthracyclines:  Doxorubicin, Daunorubicin, Mitoxantrone, and Idarubicin. Chromomycins:  Dactinomycin and Plicamycin. Miscellaneous:  Mitomycin and Bleomycin.

Etoposide Drug type:  Etoposide is an anti-cancer ("antineoplastic" or "cytotoxic") chemotherapy drug.  This medication is classified as a "plant alkaloid" and "topoisomerase II inhibitor."  (For more detail, see "How this drug works" section below). What this drug is used for: Testicular, bladder, prostate, lung, stomach, and uterine, cancers.  Hodgkin's and non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, mycosis fungoides, Kaposi's sarcoma, Wilm's tumor, rhabdomyosarcoma, Ewing's sarcoma, neuroblastoma, brain tumors. It also may be given as high-dose therapy in bone marrow transplant setting. Side effects: The following side effects are common: Low white blood cell count. (This can increase your risk for infection). Low platelet count (This can increase your risk of bleeding). Nadir: Meaning low point, nadir is the point in time between chemotherapy cycles in which you experience low blood counts. Onset: 5-7 days Nadir: 7-14 days Recovery: 21-28 days Hair loss Menopause (chemotherapy induced) Loss of fertility.  Meaning, your ability to conceive a child may be affected by etoposide. Discuss this issue with your health care provider.  Nausea and vomiting (especially at high-doses) Low blood pressure (if the drug is infused too fast) Less common but significant side effects: Mouth sores (especially at high doses) Diarrhea (especially at high doses) Poor appetite Radiation recall (see skin reactions) Other side effects: Metallic taste during infusion of drug Inflammation at injection site Peripheral neuropathy (numbness in your fingers and toes) may occur with repeated doses. This is a rare side effect but can be irreversible.  Report numbness or tingling of feet or hands to your health care provider. Delayed effects: There is a slight risk of developing a blood cancer such as leukemia years after taking etoposide.  Talk to your doctor about this risk. How this drug works: Cancerous tumors are characterized by cell division, which is no longer controlled as it is in normal tissue.   "Normal" cells stop dividing when they come into contact with like cells, a mechanism known as contact inhibition.  Cancerous cells lose this ability.  Cancer cells no longer have the normal checks and balances in place that control and limit cell division.  The process of cell division, whether normal or cancerous cells, is through the cell cycle.  The cell cycle goes from the resting phase, through active growing phases, and then to mitosis (division). The ability of chemotherapy to kill cancer cells depends on its ability to halt cell division.  Usually, the drugs work by damaging the RNA or DNA that tells the cell how to copy itself in division.  If the cells are unable to divide, they die.  The faster the cells are dividing, the more likely it is that chemotherapy will kill the cells, causing the tumor to shrink.  They also induce cell suicide (self-death or apoptosis). Chemotherapy drugs that affect cells only when they are dividing are called cell-cycle specific.  Chemotherapy drugs that affect cells when they are at rest are called cell-cycle non-specific.  The scheduling of chemotherapy is set based on the type of cells, rate at which they divide, and the time at which a given drug is likely to be effective.  This is why chemotherapy is typically given in cycles. Chemotherapy is most effective at killing cells that are rapidly dividing.  Unfortunately, chemotherapy does not know the difference between the cancerous cells and the normal cells. The "normal" cells will grow back and be healthy but in the meantime, side effects occur.  The "normal" cells most commonly affected by chemotherapy are the blood cells, the cells in the mouth, stomach and bowel, and the hair follicles; resulting in low blood counts, mouth sores, nausea, diarrhea, and/or hair loss.  Different drugs may affect different parts of the body. Etoposide belongs to a class of chemotherapy drugs called plant alkaloids.  Plant alkaloids are made from plants.  The vinca alkaloids are made from the periwinkle plant (catharanthus rosea). The taxanes are made from the bark of the Pacific Yew tree (taxus).  The vinca alkaloids and taxanes are also known as antimicrotubule agents. The podophyllotoxins are derived from the May apple plant. Camptothecan analogs are derived from the Asian "Happy Tree" (Camptotheca acuminata).  Podophyllotoxins and camptothecan analogs are also known as topoisomerase inhibitors.  The plant alkaloids are cell-cycle specific.  This means they attack the cells during various phases of division. Vinca alkaloids: Vincristine, Vinblastine and Vinorelbine Taxanes:  Paclitaxel and Docetaxel Podophyllotoxins:  Etoposide and Tenisopide Camptothecan analogs: Irinotecan and Topotecan Topoisomerase inhibitors (such as etoposide) are drugs that interfere with the action of topoisomerase enzymes (topoisomerase I and II). Topoisomerase enzymes control the manipulation of the structure of DNA necessary for replication. Topoisomerase I inhibitors:  Ironotecan, topotecan Topoisomerase II inhibitors:  Amsacrine, etoposide, etoposide phosphate, teniposide Cisplatin Trade names: Platinol®, Platinol®-AQ Other names: CDDP Drug type:  Cisplatin is an anti-cancer ("antineoplastic" or "cytotoxic") chemotherapy drug.  This medication is classified as an "alkylating agent."   (For more detail, see "How this drug works" section below). What this drug is used for: Used to treat testicular, ovarian, bladder, head and neck, esophageal, small and non-small cell lung, breast, cervical, stomach and prostate cancers.  Also to treat Hodgkin's and non-Hodgkin's lymphomas, neuroblastoma, sarcomas, multiple myeloma, melanoma, and mesothelioma. Side effects: The following side effects are common: Nausea and vomiting. Nausea may last up to 1 week after therapy. Anti-nausea medication is given before the infusion, and a prescription is also given for use after.   Kidney toxicity, effects on kidney function are dose related, observed 10-20 days after therapy, and are generally reversible. Blood test abnormalities: (low magnesium, low calcium, low potassium). Low white blood cells (this may put you at increased risk for infection). Low red blood cells (anemia). Nadir: Meaning low point, nadir is the point in time between chemotherapy cycles in which you experience low blood counts. Onset: 10 days Nadir: 14-23 days Recovery: 21-39 days Less common but significant side effects: Peripheral neuropathy: Although less common, a serious side effect of decreased sensation and paresthesia (numbness and tingling of the extremities) may be noted. Sensory loss, numbness and tingling, and difficulty in walking may last for at least as long as therapy is continued. These side effects may become progressively more severe with continued treatment, and your doctor may decide to decrease your dose.  Neurologic effects may be irreversible. High frequency hearing loss.  Ringing in the ears. Loss of appetite Taste changes, metallic taste Increases in blood tests measuring liver function.  These return to normal once treatment is discontinued. (see liver problems). Hair loss Your fertility, meaning your ability to conceive or father a child, may be affected by cisplatin.  Please discuss this issue with your health care provider.   How this drug works: Cancerous tumors are characterized by cell division, which is no longer controlled as it is in normal tissue.   "Normal" cells stop dividing when they come into contact with like cells, a mechanism known as contact inhibition.  Cancerous cells lose this ability.  Cancer cells no longer have the normal checks and balances in place that control and limit cell division.  The process of cell division, whether normal or cancerous cells, is through the cell cycle.  The cell cycle goes from the resting phase, through active growing phases, and then to mitosis (division). The ability of chemotherapy to kill cancer cells depends on its ability to halt cell division.  Usually, the drugs work by damaging the RNA or DNA that tells the cell how to copy itself in division.  If the cells are unable to divide, they die.  The faster the cells are dividing, the more likely it is that chemotherapy will kill the cells, causing the tumor to shrink.  They also induce cell suicide (self-death or apoptosis). Chemotherapy drugs that affect cells only when they are dividing are called cell-cycle specific.  Chemotherapy drugs that affect cells when they are at rest are called cell-cycle non-specific.  The scheduling of chemotherapy is set based on the type of cells, rate at which they divide, and the time at which a given drug is likely to be effective.  This is why chemotherapy is typically given in cycles. Chemotherapy is most effective at killing cells that are rapidly dividing.  Unfortunately, chemotherapy does not know the difference between the cancerous cells and the normal cells. The "normal" cells will grow back and be healthy but in the meantime, side effects occur.  The "normal" cells most commonly affected by chemotherapy are the blood cells, the cells in the mouth, stomach and bowel, and the hair follicles; resulting in low blood counts, mouth sores, nausea, diarrhea, and/or hair loss.  Different drugs may affect different parts of the body. Cisplatin is classified as an alkylating agent.  Alkylating agents are most active in the resting phase of the cell.  These drugs are cell cycle non-specific.  There are several types of alkylating agents. Mustard gas derivatives:  Mechlorethamine, Cyclophosphamide, Chlorambucil, Melphalan, and Ifosfamide.  Ethylenimines:  Thiotepa and Hexamethylmelamine. Alkylsulfonates:  Busulfan. Hydrazines and Triazines:  Procarbazine, Dacarbazine and Temozolomide.  Nitrosureas:  Carmustine, Lomustine and Streptozocin.  Nitrosureas are unique because, unlike most chemotherapy, they can cross the blood-brain barrier.  They can be useful in treating brain tumors. Metal salts:  Carboplatin, Cisplatin, and Oxaliplatin.

Tumor(s) growing...

BEP Chemotherapy to begin on October 31, 2005

3 cycles / 9 weeks

To all,

I will be at the University of Miami, Sylvester Cancer Center (no relation) all day tomorrow for tests & to visit with 'Dr. B'.  I hope to find out what the next step in this adventure will be, but you never know...wish me luck!

-D

"A razor is neither a ham sandwich, nor a bullet-proof vest."

-Doug R.

If your e-mail address ends in ".over.yonder.com".

If you connect to the World Wide Web via a "Down Home Page".

If the bumper sticker on your truck says "My other computer is a laptop".

If your laptop has a sticker that says "Protected by Smith and Wesson".

If you've ever doubled the value of your truck by installing a cellular phone.

If your baseball cap read "AOL Sucks!" instead of "CAT".

If your computer is worth more than all your cars combined.

If your wife said "either she or the computer had to go", and you still don't miss her.

If you've ever used an AOL CD-ROM as a coaster to set your beer on.

If you ever refer to your computer as "Ole Bessy" or "Darlin".

If your screen saver is a bitmap image of your favorite truck, tractor, or porno star.

If you start all your e-mails with the words "Howdy ya’ll" or "Hey Bubba".

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he
bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an
ill man curled up next to a motor home trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges, saying that it was the best
laugh he'd ever had.

A man sentenced to nine months house arrest begged a judge to jail him instead because he couldn't stand his wife's nagging.

Algerian Ahmed Salhi, 24, was sentenced to a nine month curfew at home with his Italian wife in Ferrara, northern Italy.

But he went back to court after a week and begged the judge to jail him because he could not bear her nagging.

Salhi was sentenced to nine months house arrest after breaching immigration regulations.

But he turned up at his local courtroom and begged to be taken into custody because he said he could no longer stand living with her, and would rather be behind bars, Corriere della Sera reported.

He said: "I need some peace."

A local court agreed to the Salhi's request and he has been jailed for the rest of his sentence.

• I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
• Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
• 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
• All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
• How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
• The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

The Great Gazoo is a character from The Flintstones animated series. He is a tiny, green, floating alien, voiced by Harvey Korman, having been exiled to Earth as punishment for having invented a weapon of immense destructive power.

Gazoo often appears before Fred and Barney in random, often inopportune moments. He refers to Fred as "dum-dum" and constantly causes problems for him. Even when he attempts to help Fred out, he usually ends up causing even more trouble. The only people who are able to see him are Fred, Barney, and the children (because they believe in him). A running gag is that Fred argues with Gazoo while Wilma believes that he's talking to himself.

Because Gazoo was introduced into the show midway through the final season and is considered quite an absurd character, being a futuristic alien that appears in the middle of the Stone Age, he is often cited by fans and critics of the show as being an example of the fact that the show had "jumped the shark". Indeed, the show was cancelled shortly after his first appearance, although it cannot be said that Gazoo contributed in any way to the series' conclusion.

Despite this, Gazoo still appears from time to time (unlike Scrappy-Doo, who was almost completely abandoned from the Scooby-Doo continuity). He appeared in a Fruity Pebbles cereal commercial as part of a promotion for a contest where consumers would have to try and find boxes of all-orange cereal pieces, and more recently has become the mascot for Marshmallow Mania Pebbles cereal. He even had a part in the second live-action movie, The Flintstones: Viva Rock Vegas, where he was played by Alan Cumming.

The mid-day of the week is named for the Norse God, Odin. He was also known as Woden or Wotan. Unlike many of the other days of the week, this day did not correspond roughly with the Roman designation for the day. (The Roman's named Wednesday for the messenger God - Mercury - In Romanian, the day is still known as miercuri). The early Scandanavians and Germans believed that Odin was the chief God of Asgard and as such deserved to have a day of the week named for him. The Anglo-Saxons used the word, Wodnesdaeg.

Wednesday is often reffered to as "hump day" because of its position as the middle day of the work week. If the work week were a hill. Then Wednesday would be the crest. It is all down hill from there. (Whether the down hill ride is a coast or a descent into a swamp is left to the individual.)

Only one holiday typically recurs yearly upon Wednesday. Ash Wednesday is the official begining of lent. It is called "Ash" Wednesday because since the 400's it has been the day upon which religious penitent's foreheads are marked with ash. It is a reminder of the mortal condition of the flesh - that we are all dust. This day is a variable date dependent on the date which easter falls.

A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left.

The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty wing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.

Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag and looks at her and says, "I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea."

The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared.

Shaken, the wife calls out to her husband, "Honey, you won't believe what just happened. Where are you?"

The husband answered, "I'm over here in the pussy willows."

The wife screams back, "Whatever you do --------DON'T HIT THAT BALL!

Would You Buy A Used Cure From This Man?

Crimes and clowns: A look at pitchman Kevin Trudeau's shady past

AUGUST 26--When we first heard about this fellow Kevin Trudeau--best-selling author of "Natural Cures," infomercial king, and scourge of the Federal Trade Commission--one line from his resume jumped out at us. And that would be his federal felony conviction, a collar he considers a youthful indiscretion, though he was 28 when he copped an April 1991 plea to two counts of credit card fraud. Trudeau's indictment, a copy of which you'll find below, was filed in Massachusetts and charged him with using "unauthorized access devices" to defraud American Express out of $122,735.68 (he also swindled about five grand from several banks, including Chemical and Citibank).

Over five years, Trudeau, now 42, used false names and social security numbers to secure charge cards which he then ferociously milked. Prior to Trudeau's sentencing, his lawyer provided the judge with an entertaining psychiatric report that recommended a probation term, not jail, for Trudeau. According to Dr. Daniel Schwartz, Trudeau had been chasing money since his boyhood, when he delivered newspapers, shoveled snow, and eventually became a "professional magician." Not surprisingly, he would also excel as a car salesman. Trudeau, Schwartz noted, had a prior grand larceny rap and seemed obsessed with money, feeling "compelled to spend everything he earned and live like a king." Saddled with an "inner psychological turmoil" that apparently stemmed from being put up for adoption, "Trudeau's drive to succeed has been so intense that it has on numerous occasions impaired his judgment," reported Schwartz.

As for his diagnosis, Schwartz concluded that Trudeau had a "mixed personality disorder" and "an adjustment disorder with mixed disturbance of emotions and conduct." Along with the Schwartz missive, Trudeau's counsel also submitted a letter from Trudeau's mother to Judge Edward Harrington. Mary Trudeau noted that her boy was a prince who was "president of the Junior Clowns of America," a post from which he "helped and guided children interested in clowning." Despite that commendable work, Trudeau was sentenced to two years in prison and ordered to make restitution on his credit card schemes. After serving 21 months in Uncle Sam's custody, Trudeau was released in August 1993 and placed on two years probation.

Lady fined for walking slowly! AFP - Sydney, October 7, 2005

An 83-year-old Australian woman who was fined for crossing the road too slowly has had the ticket torn up following community outrage, reports said. Pensioner Pat Gallen, who uses a walking stick to get around, was fined 30 dollars (23 US dollars) for failing to cross a road in her hometown of Malanda in far north Queensland "in the most direct route," The Daily Telegraph reported. "She didn't know whether to laugh or cry," her friend Fay Millist was quoted as saying. "Everyone thought the whole thing was so wrong in the first place for someone of that age." Police said the ticket, which had been issued by officers who were passing through the town, had been torn up. "Taking into account all the circumstances of the case and the public interest it was decided to have the ticket withdrawn," Mareeba District Inspector Rolf Straatemeier told the Cairns Post. Gallen said she would have fought the ticket in court. "But the matter has been resolved, the police have apologised, everyone has had a laugh and now we can forget about it," she told the paper.

What causes TC?

Can TC be Prevented?

How Many Men Get Testicular Cancer?

There will be about 8,010 new cases of testicular cancer in the United States in 2005. This cancer is not common. A man’s lifetime risk of getting testicular cancer is about 1 in 300. About 390 men will die of the disease in 2005. Testicular cancer is one of the most curable forms of cancer. The lifetime risk of dying from this cancer is 1 in 5,000. What Causes Testicular Cancer? While we do not know the exact cause of most cases of testicular cancer, we do know some of the risk factors linked to testicular cancer. A risk factor is something that increases a person's chance of getting a disease. Different cancers have different risk factors. Some risk factors, such as smoking, can be controlled. Others, like a person's age or race, can't be changed. But having a risk factor, or even several, does not mean that a person will get the disease. Scientists have found a few risk factors that make a man more likely to get testicular cancer. Even if a man has one or more risk factors for this disease, there’s no way to know for sure how much that contributed to causing the cancer. Also, most men with testicular cancer do not have any of the known risk factors. Research in this area is going on. The risk of getting this cancer, even with risk factors, is very low. Risk Factors for Testicular Cancer Cryptorchidism (kript-OR-kid-izm): The main risk factor for testicular cancer is a problem called cryptorchidism, or undescended testicle(s). Before birth, the testicles normally develop in the belly and then move down (descend) into the scrotum. But in about 3% of boys, the testicles do not move into the scrotum. Sometimes the testicle stays inside the belly. In other cases, the testicle starts to come down, but gets stuck in the groin. About 14% of testicular cancer cases occur in men who have had cryptorchidism. The risk is higher for men with a testicle in the belly as opposed to one that has moved down at least part way. Among men with a history of this problem, most cancers start in the testicle that has not moved down. But up to 25% of cases occur in the normal testicle. Because of this, some doctors think that cryptorchidism is not the direct cause of testicular cancer. They believe that some other problem causes both the cancer risk and the cryptorchidism. Most testicles will descend on their own in the child's first year. Sometimes surgery is needed to bring the testicle down into the scrotum. Some experts believe that having this surgery before puberty may reduce the risk of developing some germ cell tumors. Family history: A family history of testicular cancer increases the risk. If a man has the disease, there is an increased risk that his brothers or sons may also develop it. However, very few cases of testicular cancer are actually found to occur in families. Certain types of moles: Recent studies have shown that an unusual condition that causes many spots or moles on the skin is linked to an increased risk of testicular cancer. The moles are found on the back, chest, belly and face. HIV infection: There is some evidence that men infected with HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) have an increased risk of testicular cancer. This may be especially true for men who have AIDS. No other infections have been shown to increase testicular cancer risk. CIS (carcinoma in situ): CIS is a condition in which germ cells grow into a tumor but do not yet invade normal tissues. CIS in the testicles may become cancer over a number of years. CIS does not cause a lump or any symptoms. It is sometimes found when a man is tested for infertility. It may also be found when a man has a testicle removed because of cryptorchidism. Cancer of the other testicle: Men who have been cured of cancer in one testicle have an increased risk (about 3% to 4%) of getting cancer in the other testicle. Race and ethnicity: White American men are about 5 to 10 times more likely to get testicular cancer than are African-American men. Whites have more than twice the risk of Asian-American men. The risk for Hispanics falls between that of Asians and non-Hispanic whites. The reason for this difference is not known. The testicular cancer rate has increased in both whites and blacks, although the rate of increase is greater in white men. Body size: A recent study from Sweden found that body size was a risk factor. The highest risk was seen in tall, slim men. But testicular cancer is not a common disease. So the health benefits of being slim outweigh any concern about this cancer.   Can Testicular Cancer Be Prevented? Cryptorchidism, white race, and a family history of the disease are the main known risk factors of this cancer. None of these factors can be prevented because they are present at birth. Also, many men with testicular cancer have no known risk factors. For these reasons, there is no way to prevent most cases of this disease. But it is wise to correct cryptorchidism in boys. And knowing he has a risk factor may cause a young man to be more watchful and to check his testicles, making it more likely a cancer will be found early.

What Is Testicular Cancer?

Testicular cancer is cancer in one or both testicles. It usually occurs in young men. This type of cancer can be treated and very often cured. The testicles (or testes) are part of the male reproductive system. Each one is normally somewhat smaller than a golf ball. They are held in a sac of skin called the scrotum. The scrotum hangs beneath the base of the penis. The testicles make male hormones, most of which is testosterone (tes-TOSS-ter-own). They also produce sperm. Sperm cells are carried from the testicles through small tubes (vas deferens) in the body to the seminal vesicles. Fluid from the vesicles and from the prostate gland is added. During ejaculation, the fluid (now called semen) travels through a tube (urethra) in the center of the penis and out of the body. The testicles have several kinds of cells. The different cells may develop into one or more types of cancer. These types of cancer are treated differently. They also differ in the chance of survival for the patient (prognosis). The 3 main types of testicular cancer are: Germ cell tumors: This is the most common type of testicular cancer. Germ cell tumors grow in the cells that make sperm. Stromal tumors: These tumors grow in other parts of the testicles, such as the cells that make hormones. Secondary testicular tumors: These tumors develop from cancer that has spread to the testicles from other parts of the body. Each of the 3 types is explained in more detail below. Germ Cell Tumors More than 9 out of 10 of cancers of the testicles start in the germ cells. As used here, "germ" means seed. These are the cells that make sperm. The 2 main types of germ cell tumors are seminomas and nonseminomas. Seminomas start from the sperm-producing germ cells of the testicle. Within this group there are also subtypes. Seminomas usually happen in men when they are between their late 30s and early 50s. Nonseminomas tend to develop earlier in life than seminomas. They are often found in men between their late teens and early 40s. There are 4 main subtypes. Most tumors are mixed, having at least 2 different types. But all nonseminoma germ cell cancers are treated the same way, so the exact type is not that important. Stromal Tumors Tumors can also grow in the cells that make hormones and in the supportive tissues, or stroma, of the testicles. Stromal cell tumors are often benign (not cancer). They usually do not spread beyond the testicle and can be cured by surgical removal. But a few stromal cell tumors spread to other parts of the body (metastasize). Metastatic stromal cell tumors have a poor outlook because they do not respond well to chemotherapy or radiation therapy. The 2 main types of stromal tumors are Leydig cell tumors and Sertoli cell tumors. Secondary Testicular Tumors Secondary testicular tumors start in another organ and then spread to the testicle. Lymphoma is the most common cancer of this type. Among men over age 50, testicular lymphoma is more common than tumors that start in the testicle. Their outlook depends on the type and stage of lymphoma. The usual treatment is to remove the testicle. Surgery is followed by radiation and/or chemotherapy. In children with acute leukemia, the leukemia cells can sometimes form a tumor in the testicle. Cancers of the prostate, lung, skin, kidney, and other organs can also spread to the testicles. The outlook for these cancers is usually poor. That’s because these cancers have generally spread widely to other organs as well. Treatment depends on the exact type of cancer. Revised: 7/20/2005

Cancer occurs when cells in a part of the body begin to grow out of control. Normal cells divide and grow in an orderly fashion, but cancer cells do not. They continue to grow and crowd out normal cells. Although there are many kinds of cancer, they all have in common this out-of-control growth of cells.

Different kinds of cancer can behave very differently. For example, lung cancer and breast cancer are very different diseases. They grow at different rates and respond to different treatments. That’s why people with cancer need treatment that is aimed at their kind of cancer.

Sometimes cancer cells break away from a tumor and spread to other parts of the body through the blood or lymph system. They can settle in new places and form new tumors. When this happens, it is called metastasis (meh-tas-tuh-sis). Cancer that has spread in this way is called metastatic cancer.

Even when cancer has spread to a new place in the body, it is still named after the part of the body where it started. For example, if prostate cancer spreads to the bones, it is still called prostate cancer. If breast cancer spreads to the lungs, it is still breast cancer. When cancer comes back in a person who appeared to be free of the disease after treatment, it is called a recurrence.

Conjunction Junction, what's your function?   
Hookin' up words and phrases and clauses.
Conjunction Junction, how's that function?
I got three favorite cars that get most of my job done.
Conjunction Junction, what's their function?
I got And, But, and Or.
They'll get you pretty far.

And! That's an additive, like this and that
But! That's sort of the opposite, not this but that
And then there's Or, O-R,
When you have a choice like this or that.
And, But, and Or get you pretty far!

Conjunction Junction, what's your function?
Hookin' up two boxcars and makin' 'em run right.
Milk and honey, bread and butter, peas and rice,
(Hey, that's nice)
Dirty but happy, diggin' and scratchin',
Losing your shoe and a button on two,
He was poor but honest, sad but true,
Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.

Conjunction Junction, what's your function?
Hookin' up phrases and clauses that balance like:
Out of the frying pan and into the fire.
He cut loose the sandbags, but the balloon wouldn't go
any higher.
Let's go up to the mountains or down to the seas.
You should always say thank you, or at least say please!

Conjunction Junction, what's your function?
Hookin' up two cars to one when you say
Somethin' like this choice"
Either now or later,
Or no choice:
Neither now nor ever.
(Hey, that's clever)
Eat this or that, grow thin or fat.
Never mind, I wouldn't do that, I'm fat enough now!

Conjunction Junction, what's your function?
Hookin' up words and phrases and clauses
In complex sentences like:
"In the mornings, when I'm usually wide awake,
I love to take a walk through the gardens and down by
the lake,
Where I often see a duck and a drake,
And I wonder as I walk by, just what they'd say
If they could speak
Although I know that's an absurd thought."

Conjunction Junction, what's your function?
Hookin'-up cars and makin' 'em function.
Conjunction Junction, how's that function?
I like tyin' up words and phrases and clauses.

Conjunction Junction, watch that function!
I'm gonna get you there, if you're very careful.
Conjunction Junction, what's your function?
I'm gonna get you there if you're very careful.

-Chef Oliver

Grilled Salmon & Sweet Potato Cakes

Grilled salmon fillet*
1 sweet potato, peeled and cut into cubes**
1 scallion, thinly sliced, white and light green parts
1 egg
fresh lemon juice
capers and caper juice
breadcrumbs
salt and pepper

* I usually have about 1 1/2 cups or so, it's not the whole fillet but just a few inches left after dinner.

** You can of course use a regular potato

1. Flake salmon by breaking apart with your fingers.
2. Boil sweet potato until soft and mushable, but not falling apart. Rinse with cold water.
3. When potato is cool, add to salmon and mix together until incorporated.
4. Add a squeeze of fresh lemon juice, approx. a teaspoon of caper juice, and a teaspoon of capers, salt and fresh ground pepper to taste.
5. Add one egg and mix everything together.
6. Form mixture into cakes, it will be a little loose so handle carefully.
7. Heat skillet with some butter.
8. When pan is hot, coat both sides of cakes with breadcrumbs and place in pan. Cook until browned and firm.

Serve with a side of mayonnaise mixed with a little lemon juice, capers, and caper juice.

-Chef Oliver

Pizza Dough for Grilling

Ingredients

1 (1/4 oz.) package active dry yeast
1 3/4 to 2 cups flour
3/4 cup warm water (105° to 115°F)
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/2 tablespoon olive oil

Instructions

1. Stir yeast, 1 tablespoon flour, 1/4 cup warm water. Let stand 5 minutes until creamy.

2. Stir together 1 1/4 cups flour and salt. Add yeast mixture, oil, and remaining 1/2 cup water and stir until smooth. Stir in enough remaining flour (1/4 to 1/2 cup) for dough to come away from the side of the bowl.

3. Knead dough approzimately 8 minutes. Divide dough in half, dust with flour, and place in bowls. Cover dough and let rise until doubled in size, approximately 1 1/4 hours.

Tuesday is considered either the second or the third day of the week, between Monday and Wednesday. The English and Scandinavian names are derived from the Nordic god Tyr (in Old English, Tiw, Tew or Tiu. In Swedish, Tisdag, Danish: Tirsdag, Finnish: Tiistai).

Quakers traditionally refer to Tuesday as "Third Day" eschewing the "pagan" origin of the English name "Tuesday".

Shrove Tuesday (also called Mardi Gras - fat Tuesday) precedes the first day of Lent in the Western Christian calendar.

Tuesday is the usual day for elections in the United States. Federal elections take place on the Tuesday after the first Monday in November; this date was established by a law of 1845 for presidential elections (specifically for the selection of the Electoral College), and was extended to elections for the House of Representatives in 1875 and for the Senate in 1914. Tuesday was the earliest day of the week which was practical for polling in the early 19th century: citizens might have to travel for a whole day to cast their vote, and would not wish to leave on Sunday which was a day of worship for the great majority of them. Many American states hold their presidential primary elections on "Super Tuesday".

Black Tuesday, in the United States, refers to October 29, 1929, the start of the great stock market panic of 1929. This was the Tuesday after Black Thursday, which marked the start of the Great Depression.

In the Greek world, Tuesday (the day of the week of the Fall of Constantinople) is considered an unlucky day. The same is true in the Spanish-speaking world, where a proverb runs En martes, ni te cases ni te embarques (On Tuesday, neither get married nor begin a journey).

In the popular rhyme, "Tuesday's child is full of grace".

*Information courtesy of Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

Updated October 10, 2005 - Actual Funny Signs...worth checking out, for sure!

Phone call...MAGIC MUR

Just spoke to my favorite person in the world, my Uncle Mur. He is the one person, other than my best friend Ed, who I can fully relate to and visa versa. It doesn't matter what shit life has in store for me for the rest of the day, I got to chat with Magic Mur.

Here I am, at work on yet another Monday morning.  As I drove to work today, in my usual morning haze, listening to the untalented, unwitty, unbridled crap they call morning talk radio, I actually noticed a beautiful sunrise out of my rear-view mirror.  From what I could see, it looked spectacular.  Of course, the moment was immediately destroyed by idiot drivers in front & back & on all sides of me.

Now I'm at work, performing mundane tasks, contantly realizing how under-utilized I am, but with really no one to discuss it with.  The company is one of those that is just beginning to get really big, so like all of these types, they've lost a handle of the employees as names...we are all now officially just cogs, pieces of the puzzle, numbers. 

I hate what I do, it's boring, unchallenging, and utilizes none of my main strengths as a creative, logical, right-brained human.  I do it because I have to, need the paycheck...that's that.

I will again spend all day watching the clock, waiting for 5pm when I can finally go back home and do absolutely nothing with my 'free-time.'

• The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

• Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. 

• A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

• The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."

• All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.

• Almonds are a member of the peach family.

• Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula" and it can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: "LA"

• A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

• An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

• Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

• In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

• Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

• The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life."

• A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

• A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

• It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

• Who's that singing & playing the piano on the "Mad About You" theme? Paul Reiser himself.

• In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

• The name for Oz in the "Wizard of Oz" was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z; hence the name "OZ".

• The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

• John Lennon's first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.

• "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

• Grandmother of eight makes hole in one

• Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing

• Defendant's speech ends in long sentence

• Asbestos suit pressed

• Doctor testifies in horse suite

• Complaints about NBA referees growing ugly

• Police begin campaign to rundown jaywalkers

• Tuna biting off Washington coast 

And finally...

• 10 Revolting officers executed
  
  
  
  

This waiting is really annoying me.  I'll have to wait and stay tuned until next friggin' friday to possibly find out if the node(s)' growing, just what the hell is going on inside of me.  It's a sinister plot to make me more anxiety-riddled than I already am normally, I tell you.  For god's sake (why do people always say for god sakes...makes no sense), my stomach is producing more acid than vendors at a Grateful Dead concert, I've got headaches every day and on top of that, my face is breaking out! 

Ok, I'm done for now. I'll stop. I swear.  It's just hard you know.  Hey why are you still reading?  I said I was done.

• The blue whale is the largest animal that ever lived (it could reach 100 feet long and weight up to 150 tons!)

• The longest bout of hiccups lasted 69 years!

• The smallest cat is the Singapuras and weighs only 4 pounds

• The longest movie made lasts 85 hours and is fittingly titled "The Cure for Insomnia."

• The deadliest disease was the pneumonic form of the Black Death of 1347-1351. It had death rate of 100%.

• Hans Langseth had the longest beard at a record length of 17 1/2 feet long! When he died, his beard was given to the Smithsonian Institute.

• The fastest bird is the peregrine falcon. It can fly at a speed of 168-217 miles per hour.
  

Here are some classic quotes from the film...

Minstrel: [singing] Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecap split, and his body burned away, and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin. His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off and his penis split...

Sir Robin: That's enough singing for now, lads... looks like there's dirty work afoot.

King of Swamp Castle: Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who.

French Soldier: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Large Man with Dead Body: Who's that then?
The Dead Collector:  I dunno, must be a king.
Large Man with Dead Body: Why?
The Dead Collector: He hasn't got shit all over him.

French Soldier: Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of silly persons!

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

Dingo: You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like... and then... spank me.
All: And me. And me too. And me.
Dingo: Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking.

Woman: Dennis! There's some lovely filth down here!

Knight 1: ...You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... WITH... A HERRING!

• Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

• Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

• Eye Drops off Shelf

• Stolen Painting Found by Tree

• Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One

• Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

•  Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

• Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

  
  
  
  
  

(as written & reported by DWR)

• Latest study links excess pasta consumption in males between the ages of 42 - 42 1/2 to an increased risk of visceral smegmulation.
• Studies show that young boys who ride the bus to school, arrive just in time for various events to take place.
• According to the National Artichoke Research Foundation (C.H.O.K.E.), asphyxiation is more likely a result of lost luggage than anything else.
• New Orleans has sustained more rainfall in the past two months than it has at other times.
• Cold wave linked to temperatures.
• Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years.
• Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say.
• Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation.
• War dims hope for peace.
• Organ festival ends in smashing climax.
• Queen Mary having bottom scraped.
• Iraqi head seeks arms.
• Typhoon rips through cemetery - hundreds dead.

Jim McKenny:  "Half the game is mental; the other half is being mental."

Jacques Plante:  "How would you like a job where, every time you make a mistake, a big red light goes on and 18,000 people boo?"

Brett Hull:  "I'm not dumb enough to be a goalie."

Doug Larson:  "Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept."

Wayne Gretzky:  "You miss 100% of the shots you never take."

Gordie Howe:  "American professional athletes are bilingual; they speak English and profanity." 

Jimmy Cannon:  "A puck is a hard rubber disc that hockey players strike when they can't hit one another."

Rodney Dangerfield:  "I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out."

Paul Coffey:  "When we've got the puck, they can't score."

Ken Dryden:  "There are two types of forwards. Scorers and bangers. Scorers score and bangers bang."

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:  "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my (expletive) clothes."

Tony Amonte, on possessing the NHL’s second-longest active playing streak:  "It must be the body. It’s chiseled out of marshmallows."

Herb Brooks, 1980 US Olympic hockey coach:  "You don't have enough talent to win on talent alone."

Jeremy Roenick, on the trade rumors around captain Keith Tkachuk: "The only difference between the Coyotes and ‘Days of Our Lives’ is that nobody has been shot on our team yet."

Phil Esposito, on his daughter Carrie getting engaged to  Alexander Selivanov: "I tried to talk my daughter out of going with a hockey player but, he’s a good kid. He asked me if he could marry Carrie before he asked her.  I said: "You want to what?’ I thought he was just going to ask for more ice time."

Serge Savard, on his firing from Montreal, "I have to thank the guy who fired me because he was also the guy who hired me."

And last but certainly not least...

Reggie Dunlop: . They spent their own dough to get here, and they came here to see us! All right, let's show 'em what we got, guys! Get out there on the ice and let 'em know you're there. Get that fuckin' stick in their side. Let 'em know you're there! Get that lumber in his teeth. Let 'em know you're there!

Here are some classic quotes from the film...

Annie Wilkes: I am your number one fan. There is nothing to worry about. You are going to be just fine. I am your number one fan.

Annie Wilkes: Anything else I can get for you while I am in town? How about a tiny tape recorder, or how about a homemade pair of writing slippers?
Paul Sheldon: Annie, what's the matter?
Annie Wilkes: What's the matter? WHAT'S THE MATTER? I will tell you "what's the matter!" I go out of my way for you! I do everything to try and make you happy. I feed you, I clean you, I dress you, and what thanks do I get? "Oh, you bought the wrong paper, Anne, I can't write on this paper, Anne!" Well, I'll get your stupid paper but you just better start showing me a little appreciation around here, Mr. MAN!

Annie Wilkes: MISERY IS ALIVE, MISERY IS ALIVE! OH, This whole house is going to be full of romance, OOOH, I AM GOING TO PUT ON MY LIBERACE RECORDS!

Annie Wilkes: Oh forgive me Paul for prattling away and making everything all oogy.

Annie Wilkes: He didn't get out of the COCKADOODIE CAR!

Annie Wilkes: I thought you were good Paul... but you're not good. You're just another lying ol' dirty birdy.

Annie Wilkes: Now the time has come. I put two bullets in my gun. One for me, and one for you. Oh darling, it will be so beautiful.

Here are some classic quotes from the film...

Lester Burnham: My name is Lester Burnham. This is my neighborhood; this is my street; this is my life. I am 42 years old; in less than a year I will be dead. Of course I don't know that yet, and in a way, I am dead already.

Lester Burnham: Smile! You're at Mr. Smiley's.

Brad Dupree: [reading Lester's job description] "My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell." Well, you have absolutely no interest in saving yourself. 
Lester Burnham: Brad, for 14 years I've been a whore for the advertising industry. The only way I could save myself now is if I start firebombing.

Lester Burnham: Look at me, jerking off in the shower... This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here.

Carolyn Burnham: You ungrateful little brat! Just look at everything you have. When I was your age, we... lived in a duplex! We didn't even have our own house!

Carolyn Burnham: Fuck me, your majesty!

Brad Dupree: Man, you are one twisted fuck.
Lester Burnham: Nope, I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose.

Jane Burnham: I need a father who's a role model, not some horny geek-boy who's gonna spray his shorts every time I bring a girlfriend home from school.

Ricky Fitts: It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.

Here are some classic quotes from the film...

Wanda: I hate people. Do you hate people? 
Henry: I don't hate people. I just like it a lot better when they're not around.

Henry: I remember ordering a draught, barkeep. What, are you out of brew, or has that lobotomy finally taken hold?

Tully: Why don't you stop drinking? Anybody can be a drunk.
Henry: Anybody can be a non-drunk. It takes a special talent to be a drunk. It takes endurance. Endurance is more important than truth.

Henry: This is a world where everybody's gotta do something. Y'know, somebody laid down this rule that everybody's gotta do something, they gotta be something. You know, a dentist, a glider pilot, a narc, a janitor, a preacher, all that.  [sighs]

Here are a few classic quotes from the film...

Mike LaFontaine: I worked some bills with a few Folkies, you know, 'Put 'em in a cell with a long hose on him, put 'em in a cell with a long hose on him,' Ha. But if you put him in a cell with a long hose on him, he'd make a lot of friends in the shower room.

Terry Bohner: There was abuse in my family, but it was mostly musical in nature.

Mitch Cohen: I would love to see this town in the autumn. I think Crabbeville in autumn would look quite magnificent.

Amber Cole: Thank God for the model trains, you know? If they didn't have the model trains they wouldn't have gotten the idea for the big trains.

Mitch Cohen: I feel ready for whatever the experience is that we will... take with us after the show. I'm sure it will be... an adventure... a voyage on this... magnificent vessel... into unchartered waters! What if we see sailfish... jumping... and flying across the magnificent orb of a setting sun?

Laurie Bohner: I learned to play the ukulele in one of my last films, "Not-So-Tiny Tim".

Terry Bohner: This is not an occult science. This is not one of those crazy systems of divination and astrology. That stuff's hooey, and you've got to have a screw loose to go in for that sort of thing. Our beliefs are fairly commonplace and simple to understand. Humankind is simply materialized color operating on the 49th vibration. You would make that conclusion walking down the street or going to the store.

Where Cancer becomes reality

Jackson Memorial Hospital  - University of Miami Sylvester Comprehensive Cancer Center

Pasquale W. Benedetto, MD - Medical Oncology (Specialty: Testicular Cancer)

 With all of the gray areas, varieties of staging, etc...I knew I needed a specialist, one who may have seen a case or two of this rare form of cancer.  He is just that, and a whole lot more so far.  He's very knowledgeable, personable and spends as much time as needed during each appointment (the only downside of that is it's about a 2 hour wait getting in to see him.)  One major distinction between Dr. B and others who treat this disease is that Dr. B does not believe in doing the RPLND surgery, just right into Chemotherapy when needed.  He'd rather see you skip this major surgery, especially since almost 50% of the patients end up having to do adjuvant chemo post-surgery.

I'm going to skip the details on all of the tests, CT scans, blood test follow ups, PET scan, etc...It's all about where I'm at know...

At this point, the markers have gone down to 'normal' level, unfortunately though they're not too reliable in detecting disease when results are not positive.  When they are positive (higher than normal range), then it is accurate...you know you're ready for treatment.  The other issue is that I have one node in the abdomen which is highly suspicious of being cancerous, but it's not real big at this point. I believe Dr. B is erring on the conservative side, since there is a small chance that the node could go away, although that would be unlikely.  It also happens to be in the exact spot the cancer typically travels & spreads to. 

The other issue is that there are some patch spots on my lungs (the lungs are usually the next place the cancer would travel to, and it is said that the Embryonal type has a knack for skipping right into the lungs.)  The doctor is not quite sure what it is yet, since cancer there usually just looks like nodes, not patch white stuff.  In a nutshell (sorry), I am in limbo, which really sucks...I just want to either hear that somehow it's all gone, or start the friggin treatment, pick up some lolipops and get it over with! 

The doc is right though, he wants to just keep checking it and if the node doesn't go away/gets bigger, markers go up, lung picture becomes 'clearer', or any of these things happen...then we'll start treatment. 

Next appointment with Dr. B. is next Friday, October 14th...We'll do another CT Scan, blood tests and then see what's what...Wish me luck.

Tests all in...Oncology-bound

Blood markers were elevated (AFP=27) pre-orchiectomy, went down to 10 post-orchiectomy (which is what you want since the serum half-life of AFP is approximately 4-5 d after orchidectomy).  One more week and the AFP was 3.5 - doing what it should so far. 

The bad news was that it looks like there is a node in abdomen which is typically where spread begins from the Lymph Nodes.  It is not large, approx. 1.5 cm.  There is possible spread to the lungs, but the tests are not conclusive on those thusfar.

The next step as indicated by Dr. Marks (and logic), was to find an Oncologist to go on to the next step in the process.

Enter Pasquale Benedetto, MD. (Not as cool a name as Trapper, but pretty good in it's own right)...

NSGCT

The pathology, blood tests (markers) & CT Scan results:

PATHOLOGY: 

NSGTC (Non-seminomatous Germ Cell Tumor)- comprised of 99% Embryonal Carcinoma, with a splash of Choriocarcinoma (see Lance Armstrong).

Embryonal Carcinoma:

• 2.3% of testicular germ cell tumors
• 40% of all germ cell tumors have some embryonal component
• 87% of non-seminomatous germ cell tumors
• Average about 2.5 cm
• Embryonal carcinoma is characterized by rapid and bulky growth and by spread via lymphatic and hematogenous routes to distant viscera (eg, lungs, liver). More than 60% of patients have metastases at the time of presentation. Pain is a common feature in these patients.

I had to get the kind that spreads like butter on a corn muffin!  The doctors guage the chance of spreading by the percentage of Embryonal Cell within the original tumor.  Since mine is pretty much 'pure embryonal cell', you can see where we're at there!  Oh well, hopefully I got it early enough that metastases would be limited. 

Stay tuned...

Well, the Orchiectomy procedure on the 25th of August, happened to coincide with the arrival of Hurricane Rita (always hated the name Rita, especially the bitch landlord that I had).  I went home later that day of the operation, and that night Rita blew in.  I went back to my parents place for a more comfortable recovery, and a great nurse named Ellie. 

Pain to move, breath, and god forbid laugh.  The Darvocet helped a bit and I got used to it.  What sucked more than anything, was that only 2 hours into my recovery time, wouldn't you know Bitch Rita took out the power...and it was off for the next 2 1/2 days!  Now I had to recover with no A/C, 100% humidity and HEAT!  By the 2nd day it was really stuffy, uncomfortable, painful and of course I had no means of entertainment to take my mind off of my groin, except for People magazines, a radio & the occassional chats with mom, farts from Dad.

Not an ideal recovery, but I really appreciated Power when it finally came back on. 

My family has been great thru all of this and all checked up on me in person & via telephone.

My birthday present...

The Orchiectomy

The actual removal is done by making about a 5 inch incision along the "bikini line" through the lower abdomen on the side in question--they do NOT cut through the scrotal sack whatsoever. Once the incision has been made, the surgeon pushes the testicle up through the pelvic region and out it comes. A snip here, a stitch there, and you're done before you know it. Average time on the table is about 45 minutes to an hour, but you should probably expect to stay in the hospital at least overnight. The operation is very simple and does not require any special expertise on the part of the surgeon. Note that while most people do seem to stay overnight, more and more guys are going home the same day. There is no problem with this, just make sure you get some pain killers before you leave the hospital, just in case...

I really don't have any hangups as far as losing any of my 'manhood' or the looks of it...many guys actually get prosthetic implants, but I can find better things to do with my money (that is, if I had any).

August 17, 2005 - Dr. Jeffrey Marks, Urologist appt.

For some reason or another, I didn't procrastinate in going to get this thing checked out, and I knew it was time to find a Urologist.  After telling my Dad about my symptoms, he found out that one of my brother Rob's friends is a Urologist and after confirming he was listed in my insurance plan, I made the appointment.

After donating some urine, the doc came in and saw my name, introduced himself and told me how nice my brother & Jilll are, & then he felt my balls (not an everyday-meet someone-occurence for me).  He said, "I don't like what I'm feeling."  I should have been offended, but I knew what he meant. He said that he suspected it to be Testicular Cancer.  Man, for someone who's always thinking about exiting this earth because life sucks, I got a real pit-of-the-stomach-type reaction.  SHIT...CANCER! 

The Ultrasound

It was time to go to the room down the hall where, and I kid you not, one of his PA's, a pretty female no less, told me to lower my pants & drawers and lay down on the cold table.  She then rubbed, what must have been KY all over the 'area' and rubbed it with this probe-thingy.  I'm glad that Anna Kournikova wasn't on my mind at the time!  Needless to say, the Ultrasound confirmed the diagnosis.  

With that, Dr. Marks said that we would need to remove said twin asap, and sent me off to get blood work (for markers) & a chest x-ray.  My Inguinal Orchiectomy was set up for the following week.  I walked out of the office, alone & stunned...and my damn groin was hurting from everyone fondlin' me parts!

Sometime around the end of July (ish), I noticed that my left testicle felt abnornal.  It was somewhat bumpy & a bit sensitive to the touch.  I figured at the time that I'd just see if time would heal whatever it happened to be.  As a few weeks went by, it became harder, heavier (hung down lower that the right), and was more sensitive to the touch, while my whole groin area began to ache periodically.  At that point I figured, what could possibly go wrong with your testicles, other than Testicular Cancer?