How to tell if you might be a "high tech redneck"

If your e-mail address ends in ".over.yonder.com".

If you connect to the World Wide Web via a "Down Home Page".

If the bumper sticker on your truck says "My other computer is a laptop".

If your laptop has a sticker that says "Protected by Smith and Wesson".

If you've ever doubled the value of your truck by installing a cellular phone.

If your baseball cap read "AOL Sucks!" instead of "CAT".

If your computer is worth more than all your cars combined.

If your wife said "either she or the computer had to go", and you still don't miss her.

If you've ever used an AOL CD-ROM as a coaster to set your beer on.

If you ever refer to your computer as "Ole Bessy" or "Darlin".

If your screen saver is a bitmap image of your favorite truck, tractor, or porno star.

If you start all your e-mails with the words "Howdy ya’ll" or "Hey Bubba".

This Smells Odd

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he
bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an
ill man curled up next to a motor home trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges, saying that it was the best
laugh he'd ever had.

Man prefers jail to wife's nagging

A man sentenced to nine months house arrest begged a judge to jail him instead because he couldn't stand his wife's nagging.

Algerian Ahmed Salhi, 24, was sentenced to a nine month curfew at home with his Italian wife in Ferrara, northern Italy.

But he went back to court after a week and begged the judge to jail him because he could not bear her nagging.

Salhi was sentenced to nine months house arrest after breaching immigration regulations.

But he turned up at his local courtroom and begged to be taken into custody because he said he could no longer stand living with her, and would rather be behind bars, Corriere della Sera reported.

He said: "I need some peace."

A local court agreed to the Salhi's request and he has been jailed for the rest of his sentence.

Thoughts for Wednesday, October 12, 2005

• I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
• Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
• 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
• All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
• How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
• The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

Ladies & Gentlemen...THE GREAT GAZOO!

The Great Gazoo is a character from The Flintstones animated series. He is a tiny, green, floating alien, voiced by Harvey Korman, having been exiled to Earth as punishment for having invented a weapon of immense destructive power.

Gazoo often appears before Fred and Barney in random, often inopportune moments. He refers to Fred as "dum-dum" and constantly causes problems for him. Even when he attempts to help Fred out, he usually ends up causing even more trouble. The only people who are able to see him are Fred, Barney, and the children (because they believe in him). A running gag is that Fred argues with Gazoo while Wilma believes that he's talking to himself.

Because Gazoo was introduced into the show midway through the final season and is considered quite an absurd character, being a futuristic alien that appears in the middle of the Stone Age, he is often cited by fans and critics of the show as being an example of the fact that the show had "jumped the shark". Indeed, the show was cancelled shortly after his first appearance, although it cannot be said that Gazoo contributed in any way to the series' conclusion.

Despite this, Gazoo still appears from time to time (unlike Scrappy-Doo, who was almost completely abandoned from the Scooby-Doo continuity). He appeared in a Fruity Pebbles cereal commercial as part of a promotion for a contest where consumers would have to try and find boxes of all-orange cereal pieces, and more recently has become the mascot for Marshmallow Mania Pebbles cereal. He even had a part in the second live-action movie, The Flintstones: Viva Rock Vegas, where he was played by Alan Cumming.

"Hump day" has arrived, although I still won't be "gettin any".  Anyways, here's some interesting info on, Wednesdays...

The mid-day of the week is named for the Norse God, Odin. He was also known as Woden or Wotan. Unlike many of the other days of the week, this day did not correspond roughly with the Roman designation for the day. (The Roman's named Wednesday for the messenger God - Mercury - In Romanian, the day is still known as miercuri). The early Scandanavians and Germans believed that Odin was the chief God of Asgard and as such deserved to have a day of the week named for him. The Anglo-Saxons used the word, Wodnesdaeg.

Wednesday is often reffered to as "hump day" because of its position as the middle day of the work week. If the work week were a hill. Then Wednesday would be the crest. It is all down hill from there. (Whether the down hill ride is a coast or a descent into a swamp is left to the individual.)

Only one holiday typically recurs yearly upon Wednesday. Ash Wednesday is the official begining of lent. It is called "Ash" Wednesday because since the 400's it has been the day upon which religious penitent's foreheads are marked with ash. It is a reminder of the mortal condition of the flesh - that we are all dust. This day is a variable date dependent on the date which easter falls.

Joke of the Day - 10/10/05

A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left.

The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty wing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.

Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag and looks at her and says, "I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea."

The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared.

Shaken, the wife calls out to her husband, "Honey, you won't believe what just happened. Where are you?"

The husband answered, "I'm over here in the pussy willows."

The wife screams back, "Whatever you do --------DON'T HIT THAT BALL!

Recognize this Jerk?...

Would You Buy A Used Cure From This Man?

Crimes and clowns: A look at pitchman Kevin Trudeau's shady past

AUGUST 26--When we first heard about this fellow Kevin Trudeau--best-selling author of "Natural Cures," infomercial king, and scourge of the Federal Trade Commission--one line from his resume jumped out at us. And that would be his federal felony conviction, a collar he considers a youthful indiscretion, though he was 28 when he copped an April 1991 plea to two counts of credit card fraud. Trudeau's indictment, a copy of which you'll find below, was filed in Massachusetts and charged him with using "unauthorized access devices" to defraud American Express out of $122,735.68 (he also swindled about five grand from several banks, including Chemical and Citibank).

Over five years, Trudeau, now 42, used false names and social security numbers to secure charge cards which he then ferociously milked. Prior to Trudeau's sentencing, his lawyer provided the judge with an entertaining psychiatric report that recommended a probation term, not jail, for Trudeau. According to Dr. Daniel Schwartz, Trudeau had been chasing money since his boyhood, when he delivered newspapers, shoveled snow, and eventually became a "professional magician." Not surprisingly, he would also excel as a car salesman. Trudeau, Schwartz noted, had a prior grand larceny rap and seemed obsessed with money, feeling "compelled to spend everything he earned and live like a king." Saddled with an "inner psychological turmoil" that apparently stemmed from being put up for adoption, "Trudeau's drive to succeed has been so intense that it has on numerous occasions impaired his judgment," reported Schwartz.

As for his diagnosis, Schwartz concluded that Trudeau had a "mixed personality disorder" and "an adjustment disorder with mixed disturbance of emotions and conduct." Along with the Schwartz missive, Trudeau's counsel also submitted a letter from Trudeau's mother to Judge Edward Harrington. Mary Trudeau noted that her boy was a prince who was "president of the Junior Clowns of America," a post from which he "helped and guided children interested in clowning." Despite that commendable work, Trudeau was sentenced to two years in prison and ordered to make restitution on his credit card schemes. After serving 21 months in Uncle Sam's custody, Trudeau was released in August 1993 and placed on two years probation.

True story - Sydney, Australia...

Lady fined for walking slowly! AFP - Sydney, October 7, 2005

An 83-year-old Australian woman who was fined for crossing the road too slowly has had the ticket torn up following community outrage, reports said. Pensioner Pat Gallen, who uses a walking stick to get around, was fined 30 dollars (23 US dollars) for failing to cross a road in her hometown of Malanda in far north Queensland "in the most direct route," The Daily Telegraph reported. "She didn't know whether to laugh or cry," her friend Fay Millist was quoted as saying. "Everyone thought the whole thing was so wrong in the first place for someone of that age." Police said the ticket, which had been issued by officers who were passing through the town, had been torn up. "Taking into account all the circumstances of the case and the public interest it was decided to have the ticket withdrawn," Mareeba District Inspector Rolf Straatemeier told the Cairns Post. Gallen said she would have fought the ticket in court. "But the matter has been resolved, the police have apologised, everyone has had a laugh and now we can forget about it," she told the paper.

How many men get TC?

What causes TC?

Can TC be Prevented?

How Many Men Get Testicular Cancer?

There will be about 8,010 new cases of testicular cancer in the United States in 2005. This cancer is not common. A man’s lifetime risk of getting testicular cancer is about 1 in 300. About 390 men will die of the disease in 2005. Testicular cancer is one of the most curable forms of cancer. The lifetime risk of dying from this cancer is 1 in 5,000. What Causes Testicular Cancer? While we do not know the exact cause of most cases of testicular cancer, we do know some of the risk factors linked to testicular cancer. A risk factor is something that increases a person's chance of getting a disease. Different cancers have different risk factors. Some risk factors, such as smoking, can be controlled. Others, like a person's age or race, can't be changed. But having a risk factor, or even several, does not mean that a person will get the disease. Scientists have found a few risk factors that make a man more likely to get testicular cancer. Even if a man has one or more risk factors for this disease, there’s no way to know for sure how much that contributed to causing the cancer. Also, most men with testicular cancer do not have any of the known risk factors. Research in this area is going on. The risk of getting this cancer, even with risk factors, is very low. Risk Factors for Testicular Cancer Cryptorchidism (kript-OR-kid-izm): The main risk factor for testicular cancer is a problem called cryptorchidism, or undescended testicle(s). Before birth, the testicles normally develop in the belly and then move down (descend) into the scrotum. But in about 3% of boys, the testicles do not move into the scrotum. Sometimes the testicle stays inside the belly. In other cases, the testicle starts to come down, but gets stuck in the groin. About 14% of testicular cancer cases occur in men who have had cryptorchidism. The risk is higher for men with a testicle in the belly as opposed to one that has moved down at least part way. Among men with a history of this problem, most cancers start in the testicle that has not moved down. But up to 25% of cases occur in the normal testicle. Because of this, some doctors think that cryptorchidism is not the direct cause of testicular cancer. They believe that some other problem causes both the cancer risk and the cryptorchidism. Most testicles will descend on their own in the child's first year. Sometimes surgery is needed to bring the testicle down into the scrotum. Some experts believe that having this surgery before puberty may reduce the risk of developing some germ cell tumors. Family history: A family history of testicular cancer increases the risk. If a man has the disease, there is an increased risk that his brothers or sons may also develop it. However, very few cases of testicular cancer are actually found to occur in families. Certain types of moles: Recent studies have shown that an unusual condition that causes many spots or moles on the skin is linked to an increased risk of testicular cancer. The moles are found on the back, chest, belly and face. HIV infection: There is some evidence that men infected with HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) have an increased risk of testicular cancer. This may be especially true for men who have AIDS. No other infections have been shown to increase testicular cancer risk. CIS (carcinoma in situ): CIS is a condition in which germ cells grow into a tumor but do not yet invade normal tissues. CIS in the testicles may become cancer over a number of years. CIS does not cause a lump or any symptoms. It is sometimes found when a man is tested for infertility. It may also be found when a man has a testicle removed because of cryptorchidism. Cancer of the other testicle: Men who have been cured of cancer in one testicle have an increased risk (about 3% to 4%) of getting cancer in the other testicle. Race and ethnicity: White American men are about 5 to 10 times more likely to get testicular cancer than are African-American men. Whites have more than twice the risk of Asian-American men. The risk for Hispanics falls between that of Asians and non-Hispanic whites. The reason for this difference is not known. The testicular cancer rate has increased in both whites and blacks, although the rate of increase is greater in white men. Body size: A recent study from Sweden found that body size was a risk factor. The highest risk was seen in tall, slim men. But testicular cancer is not a common disease. So the health benefits of being slim outweigh any concern about this cancer.   Can Testicular Cancer Be Prevented? Cryptorchidism, white race, and a family history of the disease are the main known risk factors of this cancer. None of these factors can be prevented because they are present at birth. Also, many men with testicular cancer have no known risk factors. For these reasons, there is no way to prevent most cases of this disease. But it is wise to correct cryptorchidism in boys. And knowing he has a risk factor may cause a young man to be more watchful and to check his testicles, making it more likely a cancer will be found early.