haih... ever since the wedding, i have stopped jogging very abruptly. i honestly didnt plan it that way, i mean i didnt start jogging exclusively for the big day (what are u kidding? who would wanna have a flat chest in their wedding kebaya which ARE NOT suppose to make u look like an ice cream stick sticking out of a bowl of jello??) But things seems to spun out of control, i got in control (not by myself), etc etc... and it just seems like i never have time to spend 30 minutes in the evening for this purpose anymore. its sad, really. just last nite i asked my sister (whom you can totally rely on giving honest-yet-painful-to-swallow opinion) and she said that i did not look like ive put on weight. just out of shape especially around the rear end, which was considerably perky before and now looks like my jeans are holding them up. haih.

but one must be optimist rite? well, at least my top if filling up, albeit a little but enough to enable me to sport my old bra. yay! nevertheless the underwire still dig into my rib a little but whoever said that its easy to look good.

so, i am wondering, will i ever be able to jog again?. physically, i probably couldnt muster one round of taman perdana without huffing and puffing a lung outta my chest. but with all the uncertainties shrouding me rite now, all my undertakings seems indefinite, and time management even more so. im groping in the dark, trying to figure my way out with nothing but an led lite with the batteries running out. i have directions as clear as the road signs in penang and my life is as well planned as the rancangan malaysian ke-98.

have i also mentioned that i really eat a lot nowadays? i mean i have surpassed my own standard which to say as little as 5 months ago, how i normally eat now would be considered as borderline bingeing. i would like to blame the ikan masin that of late have been well stocked in the kitchen and a must feature on the dinner table (as well as lunch), but i cant be getting fat and in denial rite? dat would be a recipe to becoming like those big mommas who totally loose their figure after gettin married. no sir, hell i cant afford to be like that. i mean i do not have a figure to begin with, and worse, i aint even a momma yet!

oh, that brought me back to ground zero. being a momma... well that is among the uncertainies i am facing right now. i only did those pink pills the first month. then nothing, and i might just have to say hello to the skinny storks deliverin bundles of joy. but so far, nothing yet. other than that, i am also add that underqualified and unemployed. i really hate to think what kind of job that i will be offered, how much trouble i have to get into to accept and whether or not i have to reject it. plus, even when i finally start working, will i be able to undertake the work. to add cherry on the cake, with every passing day and with every few (if not nil) viewings of my resume on jobstreet, it seems that i am more and more unwanted by the jobmarket hence i am uncertain of when will i ever get employed. i really need the income, i have to start paying for the house and i do not want azrul paying for it on top of everything else. and since i am living with my parents rite now, it only is fair to contribute to the expences. i do not want to freeload them of my family as well, that'd be cruel. really really undignified and cruel.

oh, i was considering of continuing my degree right away too, but that is a closed case and itd hurt waaaaaayy to much to even discuss it here. that remind me, i have yet to straighten out my OUM management course out. well, at least that'd pacify me a little. only a little.

oh, its already 4.30. i have to go organize the cupboard coz ive been neglecting our wardrobe the entire time i was having my exams ( which i hope would turn out ok or else if i ever have to repeat any subjects, none of the uncertainty craps i ve been crappin about would matter and i might consider suicide. Joking! im a muslim and wouldnt want eternal damnation.) Poor azrul having to settle for wrinkly shirts and double tracked pants quite a few occasions before. oh well.

Dok tgh upload new pictures nih!! U be gud tau

Helo check,dok baca blog ni pasai apa? i thot u got work to do..hehe..got nothin to say except i luv you soooo  muchhhh...

i got a bump on my head. hehe

pasal apa la tu hehe

Pak Lah, listen up sucker, dat man whom u refused advices from has made more contributions, generated better ideas and have been a greater leader that you could ever be in twice ur lifetime.

Dat is d man u shud be listenin to rather than ur ass-kissing cabinets who angguk-angguk and geleng-geleng wif u to be on ur better books. dat is the man whom u shud be consulting from, which if u did, u could have safe urself stupid decision after stupid decision.

Dat is the man who have reached out as more a father figure to the entire nation than any prime miniter malaysians have ever had. u could only settle for a cranky ol'grandpa.

Dat is the man who have looked 20 years foward and have actually reaped benefit for us, made us proud to have twin towers and klia, who kicked ass in international economic conventions, when u haf only caused us to pay more for petrol and god knows what else.

This is like the tip of the iceberg that have been lightly shaved. anyone who are more informed, could write an entire book.

mummy is right, i am depressed, but i am denying it. no way i can admit that in her face or anyone. i can cry though, but that would be perceived wrongly, so go figure.

all i can say is that, in ths world, to ASSUME is to bring up the ASS between U n ME.

at this point i think it is worthy to say that i am already married and living with my parents. things are not as rosy that might be painted by the four walls of this two storey bungalow because inside, or at least inside my head, everything is in a constant conflict and turmoil.

which is what we can say about our country too, actually. but never mind that. lets discuss matters closer to home- matter AT HOME.

assumption.

azrul is assuming that the family is not comfortable with his presence. everything and everyword that anyone says that might sound remotely unpleasent will be perceived in the worst possible way feeding to this idea.

abah is having a retiree complex- namely emotionally dependant, problem scrutinizing and borderline schizophrenic. everybody has a dark ulterior motives. abah is untrusting to the people close to him but sometimes is completely friendly with total strangers.

abah n i has always been the best of friends despite sometimes we feel like we totally cant stand each other. we have always been chummy but is it me or is abah is being slightly clingier these days? actually abah has been clingy ever since retiring, especially to nina but she has always has a colder heart. for me i just cant stand hurting feelings who are nothing but fond. coz actually, i am that way too.

enter azrul. he comes from a totally different genre of family. different, different, different. things are strange and wrong in this family to him. 

oh god, things are becoming fuzzy in my head again. i really dunno how to express these things i have in my head, and these heavy feelings i have in my heart. i am so confused. thank you mosquito for biting me on the legs because at least i can distinctively say that i have an itch there. otherwise i am numb.

 i wanna jog i wanna jog i wanna jog!!!

but why is it that everytime i wanna go, there's rain la, there's mamak la...

today i dun care, i wanna go jog even if i haf to wear raincoat.

oh, but im goin kl dis evening. nevermind, i go titiwangsa instead of subang n im dragging azrul wif me. both of us need the exercise. besides, at least in titiwangsa there's no crazy ass marathoners going like human f1 and wind up toy combined.

i can see minute differences actually. so it is true when people say result is the best motivation. below are the observed;

1. increased alertness. im still a klutz, but at least no worse than before

2. increased metabolism. i eat a hell lot more than before, and mostly at night. but i dont see myself putting weight.

3. increased stamina. im still at a snails pace, but at least i can do a three 1.5km loop at one go now

so, yeah. no jogging atas katil excuse dis time, ok?

big ass company + the top mobile network provider + billions in profit = big fat bonus, right?

 think again.

maxis is slashing back their employees' bonus to a fraction up to a third of what it used to be. reason- the company isnt doing so well this fiscal year.

ma hai lu A.K! taik idung masin punya keling. (i am not racist by nature, but i this time, its justified)

if there are among the employees who wants to bomb subang hi-tech now, these would be the reasons why

1.as compared to the years prior to previous , profits was still less than what it was this year, and yet the bonus was still decent.

2.who's bloody idea was it to buy the indian provider? so meaning u buy it over our bonus cheques la? bijak, bijak.. balik kampung la

3. decimal bonus multiplier. unheard of right? those who fared good (performance) get 0.5 month bonus. even the sound of it is funny.

4.meaning those who performed better would be getting the same or even lesser as when they performed worse. might as well dont perform.

5. thanx for the HELP with the fuel price hike

5. over worked, under paid, no training, stupid managers. nuff sed.

actually, there would be more. i feel so tired, pisses and frustrated juz writing about this.

Thaksin having troble. So is arroyo.

think Pak Lah gonna be next?