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info in Chinese > 中国百年婚姻演变[组图]
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Posted: Aug.23.2006 @ 10:53 am

 

中国百年婚姻演变[组图]
◇字体:[ ]  发表评论 来源:国际在线(06/08/23 09:48) 

   


  清末民初极具历史价值的一张照片,从中可以了解到当时人们结婚时的情景。    
  1919年“五四“运动前,中国人结婚崇尚红色,新人是绝对不允许穿白色衣服的。  
  随着20年代初西方文化的传入,婚纱首次在我国亮相,从海外留学归来的先生小姐,不少人已经信奉了基督教,他们一般选择在教堂举行婚礼。  
  30年代西式服装大行其道。在上海等大城市开始流行穿白色婚纱礼服,一般新娘穿白色婚纱礼服,手捧鲜花,头戴白色长纱,长达五六米,新郎穿黑色大礼服,白硬领衬衫,戴黑领结,手捧黑呢高帽和白色手套,另外还有男女二位傧相,也穿大礼服和白纱,陪着一对新人,举行婚礼后就在教堂内与双方家长,证婚人等拍摄合影照,这就是起初的婚纱照,这种类型的结婚照一直延续到50年代。        40年代前后白色婚纱礼服已经成为一种风气,婚纱照由教堂合影逐步转移到照相馆,程序上也由举行婚礼后拍照改为婚礼胶拍照,人数由集体合影演变为二大二小的四人合影,进而发展到只有新郎,新娘二人合影,从此开始了名副其实的婚纱照。       50年代和60,70年代的结婚照是差不多的。在那个阶级斗争,政治挂帅的时代,敢穿婚纱和西服的人恐怕不多,否则要被说成向往资产阶级生活方式。结婚是人性的需要也被排在其次,取而代之的是革命的需要,工作的需要。

中国百年婚姻演变(二)
◇字体:[ ]  发表评论 来源:国际在线(06/08/23 09:57) 
  
      60年代,比起50年代实在是没什么变化。  
  70年代的——我们常常在上辈的房间看到这样的照片。  
  80年代的人终于又穿上了婚纱和西服。
  90年代——现在的化妆技术可真没得说,连最亲的人也认不出来。
   本世纪——流行各式各样的个性婚纱照,你可以这样。

ASEAN > Hsien Loong says Dr M-Abdullah row can affect Asean climate
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Posted: Aug.21.2006 @ 11:21 am

The Star Online > Nation



Hsien Loong says Dr M-Abdullah row can affect Asean climate

SINGAPORE: The overall outlook of Asean remains favourable although some member countries are facing difficulties, a situation which could affect “the climate of Asean”, Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong said. 

In Malaysia, he said, the problem was the “deep political differences” between former prime minister Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad and Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi. 

“I think everyone hopes these will be resolved soon,” he said in his National Day Rally speech at the National University of Singapore's Cultural Centre last night.  

Lee also made reference to several other Asean countries as he elaborated on the outlook and the challenges faced by the 10-member grouping which, he said, would indirectly affect Singapore. 

On bilateral relations with Malaysia, he said: “Negotiations over the bridge, airspace and sand have ended. Still some other issues are outstanding (but) these are on the back burner for the time being.  

“Meanwhile, we will work on the positive aspects of our relations.”  

Lee also mentioned the problem in Thailand, saying that the country was going into another election but “serious political uncertainties are not yet over”. 

In Indonesia, he said, the government had tackled difficult issues such as the cutting of fuel subsidies but many other critical reforms – such as tax, investment and labour laws, which were “politically very hard” to implement – were waiting. 

“These regional problems affect the climate of Asean as a whole, and so will affect Singapore indirectly,” he said. 

“If Asean cannot get its act together, then instead of taking off with China and India, we will be left behind.” 

Singapore, he said, would therefore continue to work with its Asean partners to promote growth and stability in South-East Asia. 

“But taking the situation as a whole, the outlook is favourable. (We) just have to be ready in case the dangers materialise,” he said. 

Lee said other challenges facing the region were the high prices of energy due to the tension in the Middle East. 

Although there was a ceasefire in Lebanon, the problems in Iran, Iraq, Israel and Palestine were far from over, he said.  

“If there is a blow-up, energy prices will spike, causing a global recession.” – Bernama  



 

© 1995-2005 Star Publications (Malaysia) Bhd (Co No 10894-D)
Strictly Malaysia > Ombudsmen can enhance integrity
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Posted: Aug.20.2006 @ 1:56 pm

The Star Online > Nation



Ombudsmen can enhance integrity

KUALA LUMPUR: The role of the ombudsman can enhance the level of integrity in a country, said a retired professor.  

Former Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia anthropology and sociology lecturer Dr Syed Hussein Alatas said the ombudsman protects individuals from governmental injustice. 

“The office of an ombudsman does not deal with corruption as some people had misunderstood. The corruption complaints are handled by the Anti-Corruption Agency,” said Dr Syed Hussein during the 3rd National Congress on Integrity:Concept of Integrity from the Islamic and Christian perspectives yesterday. 

Dr Syed Hussein: ‘When there is much delay in action taken by the government, it affects people's lives’
Someone who has not received her pension for years because an officer had been transferred and could not sign her documents, for instance, could complain to the ombudsman and get it sorted out quickly instead of waiting for years, he said. 

“When there is much delay in action taken by the government, it affects people's lives,” said Dr Syed Hussein who had drawn up a memorandum on the need for ombudsmen in 1991. 

He said his recommendation was not taken up, but the Public Complaints Bureau was set up. 

“There may be things that the Bureau can resolve but it has its limitations. The Bureau does not have the authority to demand files from Ministers or investigate any ministries. The ombudsman has the authority to do this. Also the Bureau cannot interview the officials or call for witnesses,” he said.  

The role of the ombudsman also helps the government saves legal costs as things can be settled quickly and amicably, without going to court, he said.  

Recently, the Cabinet decided at a meeting that an ombudsman system would not be implemented in Malaysia but said other concepts based on such a system were being studied and considered. 

When one of the moderators in the Congress asked why, despite more mosques, churches and temples being built, which could be interpreted as more people becoming religious, corruption cases continue to increase, Dr Syed Hussein said the people could be influenced by the lack of integrity at the top level. 

“This is one of the most serious problems in Third World countries - the lack of integrity among people who run the country. When corruption is practised at the governmental level, it trickles down to the grassroots.” 

Dr Ravi Zacharias, visiting professor at Wycliffe Hall, Oxford University, who also spoke at the event said it was difficult for a person's moral authority to be governed by exterior factors. It has to be governed internally by the person's faith and character, or else he would lack courage when he loses a job or position when taking a stand against corruption, he said.  

 

 



 

© 1995-2005 Star Publications (Malaysia) Bhd (Co No 10894-D)

 

Strictly Malaysia > Fear keeping BN in place
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Posted: Aug.20.2006 @ 1:29 pm

 

Fear keeping BN in place
KLite in Las Vegas


I recently returned to Malaysia for a vacation and met up with a few old friends. We were talking about old times and present times, basically typical 'mamak stall' banter. I couldn't help but ask their opinions about the current hoo-ha between the PMs of old and new. We got talking about corruption and freedom of the press. My friends, being MCA ‘kakis’, gave me their opinions which did not at all make me feel warm and cosy inside.

I was asking them, ‘Don't you want to know exactly how your taxpayers monies are being spent and do you not care if the BN cronies are getting rich from contracts being awarded to them? These contracts are being paid by taxes paid to the government’.

While they did agree with some of my points, they indirectly indicated there was a need for some ‘necessary evils’ for the sake of peace between races. I do not blame them for the BN machine over the years has instilled such fear in Malaysians through the education system, mainstream media and propaganda.

My friends told me there was no way they would let another coalition party rule the country, even to see if five years made a difference. A British philosopher once said, ‘Neither a man nor a crowd nor a nation can be trusted to act humanely or to think sanely under the influence of a great fear’.

I am, however, encouraged that in recent years more questions are now being asked of ministers and BN cronies regarding corruption and suspicious business dealings. I am pleasantly surprised and happy that Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad is doing what he is doing now.

Bear in mind he could just have retired quietly and enjoyed his life outside of politics. Perhaps he now realises the nasty seeds he has sown over the years and is trying to make things right while he still can.

I urge all Malaysians to keep questioning the current government engine, for as we all know there are not enough checks and balances to keep the ministers on their toes.

From Las Vegas, I wish all Malaysians a Happy 49th Merdeka Day.


 

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Strictly Malaysia > We need laws to end all monopolies
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Posted: Aug.20.2006 @ 1:28 pm

 

We need laws to end all monopolies
Ibnu Hakeem


I refer to your report Sugar shortage: End monopoly by ‘kings’

The Federation of Malaysian Consumer Associations (Fomca) is spot on to question the rationale of allowing just four companies to import and refine raw sugar, saying the system must be partly blamed for the current nationwide sugar shortage.

Its director of communications, Mohd Yusof Abdul Rahman, had said in your report: ‘We don’t see why the country should limit ownership of sugar refineries to four companies which are controlled by just two people - Sugar King Robert Kuok and Syed Mokhtar Al-Bukhary’.

But let's not blame anyone else. We have only ourselves to blame. Malaysians are still naive and we do not know when to complain. We complain only when it is too late - when the monopoly licences have been granted and we end up paying through our noses.

Dear Malaysians, other than monopolies over sugar, the government has granted one company the monopoly over the security-label packaging for medical products.

The next time you buy any type of medicine or medical product you will see a shiny plastic sticker on the packaging material. This sticker adds 20 sen to the cost of the bottle of medicine. It is some sort of quality standard, certifying that the product meets Malaysian standards. One company holds the monopoly licence over this plastic sticker.

Considering that every bottle of Panadol must also have this sticker, this company (a Sdn Bhd) is quietly making hundreds of million ringgit in profits.

But we don’t complain, do we?

The UEM group has the monopoly to import and supply medicines for government hospitals. Now the government wants the consumer to pay more for medicines at government hospitals.

Again, we don’t complain.

One private company has been given the monopoly to calibrate and check all weighing machines in use in this country. Charges run from RM7 to RM180 per calibration. Does anyone care about all this?

But Malaysians don’t complain.

The Sun newspaper recently exposed the action by the Petaling Jaya City Council (Town Council before) to grant monopolies to two companies for advertising billboards and pest control respectively in Petaling Jaya.

In PJ, if you want to put up a billboard, only the monopoly consortium appointed by the MBPJ can do it for you. The MBPJ has also granted another consortium the monopoly for pest control activities in PJ. If you are a business in PJ - any business - you must get your premises pest- controlled by this monopoly consortium. Otherwise you will not get a business licence. This monopoly consortium charges above market rates. They are also killing off the other pest control companies.

Do we complain? It’s too late.

Astro still has the monopoly over satellite TV in the country.

Do we complain? No. We are Malaysians.

The time has come for this country to legislate comprehensive laws which will ban or make illegal monopolistic business practices which burden the consumer. We also have to make illegal oligopolies and cartels.

If we don’t, more greedy pirates will appear on the scene and eat up more of our money.

 


 

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Strictly Malaysia > Mahathir’s turn to accept decisions now
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Posted: Aug.20.2006 @ 1:22 pm

Mahathir’s turn to accept decisions now
SH Huang


Dr Mahathir Mohamad wants to be remembered for mega-projects, some of which have gone sour. One glaring example is the Matrade building project. I would like to look at both the good and bad deeds of Mahathir. I would like to call a spade a spade, good or bad. Yes, he did a lot of good. But he also did a lot of unpleasant things.

For one, look at the judiciary. The former Lord President was sacked unceremoniously. And when five senior judges had an ‘emergency’ sitting on his dismissal, three of them were also sacked.

Two, Operation Lalang was used to ‘weed out’ those who were a thorn in his side. Who gave the order to lock up over 100 people. If there was proof that they did something wrong, then they should have been produced in court. If you have no proof, release them.

Any right-thinking, fair, just person would have brought the detainees to court and tried them in the truest tradition of law and justice; not using strong-armed tactics.

Three, what happened to the 18 high-profile corruption cases which had been floating from the ACA to the Attorney-General’s Chambers, back and forth for so many years. Why are they not cleared to this day?

Four, why did three of Mahathir’s former deputy prime ministers - Musa Hitam, Ghafar Baba and Anwar Ibrahim - have problems with him? Were they really that bad? If so, then his judgement was very poor indeed! Surely a man of wisdom and a man of great stature should be a good judge of people?

Five, was it not bad taste in saying that the present PM received fewer votes than the present deputy prime minister? Indeed, Mahathir has forgotten that he only received the third highest number of Umno votes for his vice-presidency?

Mahathir must accept that he made his choice and he should accept that fact. He must live with it. It is just like choosing a wife. A man must accept his choice and live with it. He cannot later turn round and say it was a bad choice. It is too late.

Six, don't we all think the present PM must be given his chance to prove his worth? He has been hardly three years in office and he is being harassed at every turn. Judge him after his term is over. Be fair and give him a chance. After all, Mahathir had his chances for 22 years.

Seven, the scenic bridge became a crooked, half-bridge and then a scrapped bridge. The whole cabinet had thoroughly discussed the whole issue and decided to scrap it, not the PM alone. It was a collective decision. The legal implications for continuing with project are many.

Mahathir refused to accept these legal consequences. Continuing with the bridge project would have been foolhardy - just like the purchase of mv Agusta which was already debt-ridden.

Eight, Mahathir forgot that he had promised not to interfere with government decisions once he stepped down. Now, it looks like he is going back on his word. A man must be true to his word. His word is his bond.

Mahathir could have stayed back in the cabinet as a senior minister or minister mentor like Singapore. In hindsight, he might be regretting for not following the Singaporean model.
Former prime ministers could give good advice and share their experiences with the younger leaders. Why didn't Mahathir do this? Was it because it would have been below his dignity? However, he is adviser to Proton and Petronas.

 


 

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ASEAN > Goodbye pluralism
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Posted: Aug.20.2006 @ 1:15 pm

 

Goodbye pluralism

By Editorial
The Jakarta Post
Publication Date: 16-08-2006
Print Article Email Article

Houses of worship are an important topic of discussion for many people, as the recent debate over them showed. The impression was that people put more importance on the buildings themselves than on practicing the good deeds taught inside them.

The heated debate revolved around drawing up new rules on church or mosque construction to replace an antiquated joint ministerial decree. If any issue reflects the nation's progress, it is this one. After 61 years as a free nation we are still fighting over rudimentary matters of religion.

Reality is following close on the heels of the debate. In Jakarta, some housing developments are being tailored to a particular religious group, an upsetting trend. Already our schools are strongly divided along religious lines. Wealthy schools in the cities further divide the rich students from the poor.

Our penchant for symbolism and intellectual banality has never waned. Ceremonies play an important part in our lives, while statements in bad taste by certain segments of the elite are rampant.

We are fond of surface values, of appearances rather than substance. A recent study by the Indonesian Survey Institute (LSI) finds that people are less tolerant of a neighbour with a different faith, simply because of the religious difference. This is especially so when one religious group dominates a residential area. People don't bother to find out what kind of person their neighbour is. There is also relatively high opposition to the construction of houses of worship of different faiths, according to the study. It is a sign that an attitude of "holier than thou" and "us versus them" prevails.

The institute also finds that the Muslim majority disapproves of efforts by minority groups to defend their rights by, for example, holding rallies. LSI rightly states that this hinders democracy.

Our gender bias is equally disturbing. According to the survey, we tend to resent homosexuals and transvestites even more than people of different faiths. But LSI is too polite in airing some of its findings. It should have been more explicit in pointing out the rise of religious conservatism. This is clear from the higher rate of support among the 1,200 respondents in all 33 provinces for such groups as the Front Pembela Islam (Islam Defender Front) and the Majelis Mujahidin Indonesia (Indonesia Mujahidin Council), which are often perceived as radical, than for the more moderate Jaringan Islam Liberal (Liberal Islam Network).

The greatest enmity, according to the study, is focused on those formerly imprisoned as communists. This is a disturbing reminder that the mystery of the 1965 putsch, blamed on the communists, has yet to be unravelled. Thousands of communist detainees, jailed for years in the late 1960s under inhumane conditions and often without trial, are now free. Yet they still face discrimination.

The recent Ahmadiyah case reminds us that foes can be found even within one religion. Ahmadiyah members, regarded as heretics by mainstream Muslims, are being beaten and evicted. Thousands live as refugees in their own country. Some are applying for asylum overseas.

This low tolerance toward our compatriots reflects our failure to create a nation where people can live peacefully. It is tragic and deeply saddening that seeking differences among us appears to be almost second nature, even at the cost of weakening ourselves.

We divide ourselves not only along lines of political ideology, religion, race, ethnicity, gender, and region of origin, but also by kampong or village of origin and by the universities we attend.

People seem to have excessive energy for finding differences, for dividing and weakening themselves, eroding social trust until it almost disappears. We seem to lack the urge to seek a common ground where synergy can take place.

The many religions people practice, the hundreds of ethnic groups, the rich culture and languages adorning our nation appear to be more of a liability than an asset. This has to change, once and for all, because it subverts the character of our country and would have seemed like a nightmare to our founding fathers when they envisioned this nation 61 years ago.

Time is short but we have impeccable social capital in our hands. We believe that the tradition of tolerance and respect for each other's faith is still the underlying foundation of our social and political culture. It is a gem that has stood the test of time throughout the archipelago. It explains the nation's resilience in the face of many past crises.

It will take strong and inspirational leadership, however, to revive this tradition amid ongoing economic crises. We must do it, lest our precious treasure slip quietly from our hands.

 

Strictly Malaysia > Mahathir Puts Malaysia Back on the (Wrong) Map
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Posted: Aug.20.2006 @ 1:13 pm

 

William Pesek Jr.   
William Pesek Jr. is a columnist for Bloomberg News. The opinions expressed are his own.

Mahathir Puts Malaysia Back on the (Wrong) Map: William Pesek

Aug. 18 (Bloomberg) -- Journalists in Asia have missed Mahathir Mohamad.

The region has been pretty colorless -- leader-wise, that is -- since Malaysia's firebrand prime minister stepped down in 2003. His successor, Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, is the anti-Mahathir: press-shy, affable, soft-spoken and diplomatic.

Asia in general features a paucity of larger-than-life, charismatic leaders who speak their minds and, at times, dare to take on the global elites. Blandness often pervades the halls of power from Seoul to Singapore and from Beijing to New Delhi.

So you'll excuse us journalists for rejoicing at Mahathir's return to the spotlight. Yet many Malaysians are less than thrilled. Ditto for investors monitoring Asia's No. 10 economy.

Mahathir, 80, has returned with a passion to criticize his handpicked successor, and it's tantalizing this nation of 27 million people. Mahathir's gripe: Abdullah is reversing some of his decisions, including a massive project to build a bridge to neighboring Singapore.

``I gave him time,'' Mahathir said this month. ``I didn't say anything for two years. I was quiet. I observed his promises. I had high expectations. I expected his view to be different from me, but I don't see the government doing what it promises to do.''

The former premier's impolitic comments may prompt investors to avoid one of Asia's more under-appreciated economies. In recent years, most of the surprises in Asian markets came not from reports on growth or inflation, but politics. Asia has seen all too many market-shaking spats, scandals, disputed elections and impeachment efforts.

Slowdown Ahead?

And so Mahathir's rebukes of the prime minister are unsettling Malaysia's markets, too. ``It seems now to be having some effect on a domestic economy which is already slowing,'' Gerald Ambrose, managing director of Aberdeen Asset Management's Malaysian business, said in an interview in Kuala Lumpur.

Record oil prices are weighing on Malaysia's $131 billion economy, slamming consumer and business confidence. Add to that a slowing U.S. economy and concern about the nation's ability to compete with Asia's upstarts. Malaysia may be too affluent to outperform China; too underdeveloped to join the ranks of Japan or South Korea. It also has a public-relations weakness.

That became clear in interviews with investors in the U.S. and Europe over the last couple of months. There was, of course, huge interest in China and India. Yet in cities like London, New York and Stockholm, I found great interest in economies such as Thailand and Taiwan. In Chicago, Paris and Lisbon, folks wanted to talk about Korea, Singapore and Vietnam. In Brussels, San Francisco and Washington, it was Indonesia and Japan.

Politics to Blame

Oddly, Malaysia didn't come up unless I mentioned it first. Given its rich resources, technology industries and unique status as a moderate, predominantly Muslim nation, you'd think Malaysia would be a bigger blip on investors' radar screens. It's not, and politics bear some blame.

In his 22 years in power, Mahathir morphed a tropical backwater into an Asian tiger. While it doesn't excuse him for bizarrely blaming Jews for Malaysia's troubles in the late 1990s, Mahathir had his economic successes. Yet Malaysia has been too slow to boost entrepreneurship and move beyond manufacturing and resource-based industries.

Whether it's wounded pride, an attempt to look out for associates hoping to profit from his mega-projects, or anger at the release from prison of his former rival, Anwar Ibrahim, Mahathir is back with a vengeance.

Mahathir has a point on at least one thing: Abdullah can be painfully indecisive. Many Malaysians are disappointed by how timidly Abdullah has attacked corruption and policies giving preferential treatment to the ethnic Malay majority. Abdullah also should go further to convince Malaysians his family hasn't benefited from government contracts, as Mahathir has alleged.

Bite Your Tongue

Many of Mahathir's other protests are weak, at best, relating to mega-projects that seem more about pride than necessity. If the former prime minister is upset that Abdullah is unilaterally scrapping his initiatives, he has himself to blame. It was Mahathir who masterminded the centralization of power that Abdullah wields. In Malaysia, for example, one man acts both as prime minister and finance minister. It's an awkward arrangement that should be reconsidered.

Even if Mahathir's concerns are legitimate -- and one certainly meets businesspeople who share them -- he needs to learn to bite his tongue for the good of Malaysia's economy.

``It might be difficult to swallow at first, but for the sake of keeping his dignity intact and sparing us unnecessary embarrassment, he should disabuse himself quickly of any notion he might continue to harbor about his indispensability to the Malaysian body politic,'' Tunku Abdul Aziz, a former head of Transparency International Malaysia, wrote in the New Straits Times on Aug. 16. Mahathir must learn to ``eat humble pie once out of office,'' he said.

Rattling Investors

Mahathir is anything but a spent power. He still has charisma to spare, and retains a clear vision of where Malaysia should be in 2010, 2020 and beyond. Yet along with tarnishing his legacy, his tirades could unnerve investors and dent the government's credibility abroad.

Fair or not, Malaysia still has a lot of work to do on its public relations. The economy deserves more attention from international investors than it receives. It won't get much -- at least not the kind it wants -- with its present and former leaders trading barbs.

(William Pesek is a Bloomberg News columnist. The opinions expressed are his own.)

To contact the writer of this column: William Pesek in Kuala Lumpur, or through the Tokyo newsroom at wpesek@bloomberg.net

Last Updated: August 17, 2006 15:51 EDT

info in Chinese > 研究表明澳洲大陆是由3块大
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Posted: Aug.18.2006 @ 9:50 pm

研究表明澳洲大陆是由3块大陆冲撞而成(图)
◇字体:[ ]  发表评论 来源:广州日报(06/08/18 08:36) 

美丽的澳洲大陆

  澳大利亚学者17日公布的最新研究发现,澳大利亚大陆是由16.4亿年前3块大陆冲撞而成。这一研究促使人们期待澳大利亚内陆地区发现新的矿产资源。
    “澳大利亚北部、西部和中部原本属于不同大陆,”研究发起人、澳大利亚阿德莱德大学在读博士凯特·塞尔韦说,“如果你16.4亿年前站在(澳大利亚中部)艾丽斯斯普林斯往南看,你将看到一片海洋……3块大陆冲撞产生的巨力生成火山,火山帮助产生澳大利亚中部地壳。”  
 

    通过探测澳大利亚中部的地质结构,塞尔韦发现一个冲撞区。她沿3块古代大陆边界测量地表几百千米以下地质结构的导电性,发现澳大利亚北部比中部导电性更强,两者间边界深度至少为150千米。

info in Chinese > 美国“魅力学校”教“害羞男”学搭
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Posted: Aug.18.2006 @ 9:46 pm

 

美国“魅力学校”教“害羞男”学搭讪
◇字体:[ ]  发表评论 来源:新民晚报(06/08/18 10:13) 

  有不少男士因为不懂得如何与心仪的女性攀谈而错失一段好姻缘。据路透社近日报道,为了帮助这些“害羞男”迈出勇敢的第一步,一所“魅力学校”在美国应运而生,并在短短数年时间内将业务扩展到3个国家的数个城市。

  “顽症”患者众多     23岁的纽约纪录片制片人本恩经历了一个令人难堪的周末之夜:在某酒店的周五派对上,他的邀约接连被两个金发美女毫不客气地拒绝了。据他自己说,这已经不是他第一次被女性拒绝了。   患上了“交友恐惧症”的本恩无奈之下只能求助于纽约一家名为“魅力学校”的交际老师。这个学校向本恩这样患上“顽症”的单身男性提供为期3天的交友速成班。   “魅力学校”的创始人安·阿尔伯说,本恩不是这个国家里唯一一个与女性交谈时充满恐惧的男士。这也就是为什么这个从密歇根“发迹”的学校会迅速走红并在纽约立足的原因。“在纽约,有许多男士因为公事忙碌或自身性格原因而缺乏‘女人缘’。而我们可以向这些男士提供专业的意见并实地指导他们如何在社交场合主动认识心仪的女性。”阿尔伯说。   “有人认为我们是在教坏男人们,”“魅力学校”的另一位创始人怀恩·艾利舍辩解道,“其实不然。我们只是指导一些对自己没有信心的男士如何在一个不自然的氛围中,克服羞怯的天性,以一种自然的方式展示自我表达自我。”   迄今为止,这个学校已经在纽约、洛杉矶、旧金山、伦敦和悉尼开班授课,其他地方的学员还可通过网络接受指导。   先“模拟”后“实战”   本恩和另外5名男士在8月初每人交纳了1600美元的“学费”,成为“魅力学校”的学生。他们的课程从周五下午开始,第一天的上课内容是在老师的指导下了解一些基本的“魅力展示法”,然后6人分成3组进行“模拟训练”:将对方当作女性,将之前所学的“魅力展示法”付诸实施。晚上,他们被带去一家酒吧,先观摩后实践,尝试将下午所学的内容运用到“实战”中,而老师则在一旁记录每个人的表现。   第二天一早,6名学员和4名老师在联合广场附近的快餐店集合,先由老师将昨晚各人的表现作一番点评,并就不足之处提出改进意见。然后,6人继续“搭讪”实践,不过这一次,前一晚表现仍然不佳的本恩被安排先“观摩”其他同学。   40分钟后,本恩按照老师赛芙耶的要求,走进一家书店尝试与一名正在看书的女顾客搭讪。本恩悄悄地走近“目标”,并从她身边的书架上取出一本书,可是她压根没有注意到他,不一会就走开了。   为了缓解本恩的压力,赛芙耶让他找书店男店员搭话,使自己重新恢复到自然放松的状态,然后再找另一名女性攀谈。这一次,本恩还是被“目标”忽视而再尝败绩。   在这一天课程结束时的“检讨会”上,赛芙耶“一针见血”地指出了本恩的“致命伤”:“他还没开口就已经认定了‘目标’对自己没兴趣,这种假设使他害怕开口攀谈,即使开了口也是处于一种战战兢兢的状态。”   迈出成功一步   本恩在交友速成班最后一天的课程从“针对式特训”开始。他被老师带去参加一个屋顶派对,而特训的内容就是如何引起别人的关注,进而与之攀谈。克服了心理障碍的他到深夜时分已经成功地与4名女性搭讪,并要到了几个电话号码。   “一开始,我还是觉得有点不自然。不过一想到既然来了,总要有点收获,所以硬着头皮找人聊天。没想到第一次成功以后,自信就回来了,那些‘魅力展示法’用起来突然得心应手了。”本恩显然对自己的进步十分满意,“万事开头难。‘魅力学校’帮助我迈出第一步,接下来我只要展示出真正的自己就可以了。” (卫蔚

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