"A Pig of Ill Repute"

By Kate Robinson

Artwork by Kevin Scott Collier, Author and Illustrator
© 2006 Kate Robinson, all rights reserved. 

"I have a problem."

Purdue's mother whisked a bowl of muffin batter at the kitchen counter.

"Didn't you hear me? I said I have a problem."  Purdue clattered across the tile floor.

Mrs. Pigg fumbled the bowl and nearly dropped it. She spun around on a delicate hoof. "Purdue, is that you?"

Purdue's older sister Priscilla sat with her homework spread over the kitchen table. She stared in disbelief.

"It's me." Purdue almost whispered, his cheeks burning. "I have a problem."

Mrs. Pigg's face melted in a knowing smile. She put down the bowl and pattered to Purdue's side. She gave him a big hug. "And what might that be, Purdy?"

 "No one wants to play with me."

"Well, no wonder . . ." Priscilla smirked.

"Priss, I'll take care of this." Mrs. Pigg tapped the whisk on the edge of the bowl. "And why do you think no one wants to play with you, Purdue?"

"Well. Gosh. Um." Purdue's cheeks turned even redder. "Ah . . ."

"Purdue," Mrs. Pigg said gently, "You've been an oinker in Mr. Bacon's class. How many times have you had lunch detention for disrupting the classroom? And you spoiled the school play like a big ham. You've treated all your friends like pork chops."

"A pig of ill-repute gets the boot,"  Priscilla mumbled, pretending to write in her workbook.

Mrs. Pigg cleared her throat. "What will you do it about it?"

Purdue stuttered. "Well, um, ah . . . I'll have to think about it."

What will I do about it? Purdue ran back outside, where he'd been throwing rocks at birds. Sparrows perched on the clothesline saw him and flew away.

When he came back in at dusk, he went to his room and shut the door. Mrs. Pigg noticed Purdue's desk light burning past bedtime. She heard a pencil scratching on paper far into the night.

Purdue took extra care dressing the next morning. He washed his face until it gleamed and ironed his best clothes. He scarfed his breakfast – carefully - with a big smile.

"See you later, Mom!" he called, scrambling out the door.

Priscilla looked at Mrs. Pigg with surprise. Usually Purdue wore baggy clothes, slurped his juice, threw his toast crusts across the table and pulled her pigtails. Priscilla ran to catch up to Purdue.

He was boarding the school bus when Priscilla reached the road.

"Good morning, Miss Hock," Purdue said in his politest voice.

Miss Hock was speechless. Purdue usually rushed onto the bus like a whirlwind. Priscilla held up a shiny hoof and shrugged. "It's a new attitude!"

Purdue sat with his hooves to himself all the way to school. When he reached his classroom, he slid a neatly folded piece of paper across Mr. Bacon's desk just before the bell rang.

"Why, thank you, Purdue," Mr. Bacon said. "I greatly appreciate the apology. Would you like to be class leader today?"

Purdue just smiled.

When the class went to the music and drama room, he placed another neatly folded note on Mrs. Snuffle's desk.

"Thank you for your thoughts, Purdue," she said sweetly.

"I'm sorry I acted like a big ham, Mrs. Snuffle. I didn't mean to ruin the school play."

"Purdue, look at me," Mrs. Snuffle said. "Have you considered a career in stand-up comedy? You're pretty good at it!"

Purdue looked up and smiled.

When it was time for recess, Purdue proudly led the class to the playground. He pulled a big bag of snacks from his pack and shared with everyone. "I'm sorry I treated you all like pork chops." Purdue's cheeks reddened again.

All the kids in his class gathered around him. "We forgive you, Purdue. Would you like to play with us after school?"

Purdue's smile arched from ear to ear. "I'm starting off on a new hoof!"