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Life's Write Ups and Downs > A Love Story That Never Was
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Posted: Mar.26.2008 @ 5:31 pm

Alumni Homecoming.

  

Twenty years. Quite long. But it seems it was only yesterday when I last set foot on this same ground in my high school quadrangle.

  

Mixed emotions. I felt my tummy filled with butterflies. Bringing nausea to my senses. My heart is beating fast. So fast that it seems I will break into tears.

  

"Haaahh! Twenty years. Would my classmates still know me? Maybe. I have a couple of friends I still communicate with even right after graduation. But the rest, would they recognize me?"

  

"What changes have I been to? Just the humungous butt, more fats under my belly, in my arms and legs, and some unwanted wrinkles."

  

I became more hesitant.

  

"Argh! I have grown fatter."

  

I wasn't sexy then. The more that I am not now. I wasn't extra-ordinarily pretty then. The more that I am not now. I wasn't that intelligent then. Just an average girl. What now?

  

I asked myself, "What are my achievements so far after twenty years?"

  

"Not much. I mean, none so far I can really be proud of."

  

I started backing out. Not walking. I am more like running. Then I bumped into someone. I almost fell to the ground with my heavy torso.

  

"Maria! Maria, is that you?"

  

"Hhmmm… not bad. Somebody recognized me. But was that an interrogative statement I heard?"

  

"Myra. Yes, it's me. How do you do?"

  

"I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm in the advertising. I usually come out in commercials for shampoos, bags and garments. Oh well, the undergarments. You?"

  

There was an emphasis. I looked at her towering beauty. I closed my eyes before I can say a word.

  

"I'm a preschool teacher."

  

That's it! I blew it off! I didn't sound impressive. The more that I didn't look impressive with my jeans and plain white shirt. No accessory. Just powder and lip gloss.

  

"Come on. Let's get inside. The rest are there waiting for us. I heard there's Bless from Canada, Delia from Dubai, Glenda from London, Roa from Denmark and Tina from California (blah-blah-blah!!!). And guess who I saw early this afternoon?"

  

I didn't want to guess who she was referring to. In my heart, I knew who he is. And in my heart, though I prayed for this moment to come, I wish that I just burst like a bubble and be gone.

  

Myra noticed my silence. She didn't pursue the topic. Instead she pulled me back to where the crowd was and like in the movies, in slow motion, I was there in the middle of all the classmates I journeyed with in my four years in high school.

  

"So this is the feeling of going back." I thought to myself.

  

There were the people Myra mentioned. Some are still dark-skinned. Others fairer than before. One of them said she is a cosmetic endorser. The other giggled off, "I almost stay in the spa. Scrubbing off every dead skin cell in my body. Quite expensive though. But it's fine with my British boyfriend."

  

I laughed with them. But with jarred pent-up emotion I cannot name. 

  

Some I noticed have yellow gold all over them. Not just one in both ears. They have several in the neck, in their wrists and in their ankles. For some, they look as plain as I am though more sophisticated.

  

"Nah!" shoved off by that little voice inside me. "They only look more confident. Try leveling your chin to your shoulders. Sit, not slouch. Smile more often. Look at them in the eye when you talk or when you listen to what they are saying."

  

I did.

  

After some time, I became more comfortable. I stopped comparing myself to the rest of the group. My laugh grew more genuine now. I'm starting to enjoy myself.

  

Our conversations went on. Stories of men in engineering and architecture. Snippets of women's struggles in a men-dominated area. Tessa was one of them. Very inspiring.

  

Then came cars they own. House and lots in various points in the archipelago and outside it. Investments here and there. Stock market. Economics. Politics. Commerce. Fashion. Toners. Eye-shadows. Bags. Perfumes. Movies. Local and Hollywood stars. Name it, we have discussed them all. An hour. Two. Three.

  

Dinner was about to be served.

  

Our tęte-á-tęte seem not to reach an end. And just when I thought I am almost gaining confidence, I saw those pair of deep-set eyes. Same pair that melt my heart. Same pair that broke my heart into bits and bits of pieces. I wanted to look away. But they have their own lure that makes it difficult for me to do so.

  

He was looking to. Staring intensely. Seem not aware that he was with someone. His wife.

  

I looked down my feet. I noticed my fingers fidgeting and felt my toes as cold as ice. I felt ashamed. So awkward.

  

"Hi!" was his short greeting. Same voice I fell in love with.

  

Then I was transported twenty-three years ago along that small street to Bless's place.

  

"I will be coming tomorrow whether you invite me to your birthday or not. I don't care. My brothers already left for Manila. I asked them that I stay because I want to be with you on your special day." 

  

I felt so happy. But I didn't say a word.

  

"I'll bring you home."

  

Inside the tricycle we were so close I can feel his deep breathing and his heart beat… seems heaven to me. But I didn't say a word.

  

"Hope you liked my gift. It's not as expensive as the stuff toy you received from Eman but hope you appreciate it."

  

I smiled. I told myself, "I will forever carry it with me." But I didn't say a word.

  

"Care for another room in your umbrella?" was the chant of almost wet youngsters in the school shed.

  

I looked up my room. I saw my class adviser by the porch from whom I have promised to strive harder in the academics.

  

"No boys!" she said early that morning.

  

"No boys!" I repeated.

  

Then I walked passed him. Not saying a word.

  

"I would rather hurt myself, than to ever make you cry. There's nothing left to say, though it's gonna hurt us both. There's no other way, but to say goodbye."… goes their song.

  

I head on without looking at his direction. Not saying a word.

  

"Do you love him?" was John's question. "He's waiting for you. He needs you. His mother is not well."

  

I went on arranging the flowers for the recognition. I didn't say a word.

  

"He's with someone now." John confirmed.

  

I just stared. Moved away with tears welling from my eyes. I didn't say a word.

  

"Maria," Bless's calling my name brought me back to reality. "Miss Si wants to see you."

  

I excused myself. Thankful a bit. At least I have time to think and decide whether I leave the place or stay and hurt myself even more.

  

After a light talk with my then adviser-mentor turned colleague, I opted to just go home and call it a night.

  

I passed through the darker alley at the back gate where I usually pass through every time I escape from scrutinizing gaze way back in high school. My mind went back to its natural flow of recollection.

  

This was the alley that witnessed my tears when I learned he was with someone. I sat near the plants. I even pulled some. All my frustration, my anger and my depression poured into the innocent plants.

  

Then I heard footsteps. I turned around. I saw his penetrating eyes overpowering me – the little confidence that I have.

  

Was that pain? I wasn't sure.

  

Was that hatred? I'm not certain.

  

Was that love I see in his eyes?

  

"You have really mastered the art of escaping."

  

I just stared back. I wanted to capture that love in his eyes. I wanted to say something.  But at the last minute, I decided to keep my silence. Then I walked away.

  

If it was impossible then, the more that it is now.

  

Yesteryears, I should have said something, but I did not. That, I know is my greatest mistake.

  

But now, if I said what I should have said, I will not just destroy my life but cause so much pain to innocent people I care and love.

  

I smiled to myself. A bitter smile.

  

Then tears welled off my eyes.

  

Tears that ended a love story that never was.

  

 

A Bookworm's Review > Six Thinking Hats by Edward De Bono
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Posted: Mar.18.2008 @ 9:48 am
I arrived late in school this morning. While in the bus, I was contemplating I could conduct a follow-up interview to complete the Student’s Individual Inventory Form. But to my dismay, in addition to my being late, I forgot that today is still an exam day and the students will only be in school in the morning. So there is really no chance for me to catch them in their sleeves and ask them how much their parents earn annually or who their single parents are dating at the moment.

And like the previous frustrating events, the only thing that can bring me back from my topsy-turvy disposition is to read a book. Lucky for me, I left my current Coelho read under my pillow, so I dashed through the school library and forced Amy (the school librarian and my bestfriend) to lend me a book even when there are strict orders that this week should be “RETURNING OF BORROWED BOOKS. NO BORROWING OF BOOKS FOR INVENTORY AND CLEARANCE.” both for students and school personnel. Anyway, I promised her to return the book this afternoon (even without her permission).

I browsed through the NEW ARRIVALS SECTION of the library and saw this intriguing title: SIX THINKING HATS by EDWARD DE BONO. It says in the subtitle: THE INTERNATIONAL BESTSELLER that has changed the way the world’s most successful business leaders think.

My initial reaction was, “Well I’m not into business so why care to read this book.”

But after browsing through all the books, nothing caught my bookworm’s intuition of the best possible read for my present emotional condition. So I went back to the HATS stuff and picked it out of its shelf. Amy was shouting over my shoulders when she saw me leaving the Borrower’s Card on top of her desk despite her plea that I am not allowed to borrow a book.

“Oh well,” I told myself, “I’d rather run away with this book than spend the rest of my day grumbling over a messed-up schedule.”

Upon arrival in my office, the intercom was ringing like hell. Assumed that I might not answer the phone, Amy turned on the speaker phone and was yelling at me to return the book. I told her what I had in mind while running away with the book and as expected, my good friend lent me the HATS stuff but she asked me to swear to return the book before I go home this afternoon. And so I did with all my heart.

Flip-flapping through the book, just reading the summary for each color symbol, I finished the HATS stuff in 3o minutes. These are what I can share to you based from the book:

The Six Thinking Hats method capitalizes that THINKING is the ultimate human resource. But most of us, even the most successful people are left unsatisfied with their most important skill. No matter what we have achieved, it seems we can never get enough of the world. We want to be better.

And let me just quote:

Usually, the only people who are very satisfied with their thinking skill are those poor thinkers who believe that the purpose of thinking is to prove yourself right – to your own satisfaction.

The main difficulty of thinking is confusion .We try to do too much at once. Emotions, information, logic, hope and creativity all crowd in on us. It is like juggling with too many balls.

Argh! Got me on that!

Now what do the SIX HATS of different colors symbolize:

WHITE HAT:

Think of paper. Think of a computer printout. The white hat is about information. When the white hat is in use, everyone focuses directly and exclusively on information. It stands for facts and figures. It is for truth and philosophers.

RED HAT:

Think of fire. Think of warmth. Think of feelings. Using the red hat gives you an opportunity to express feelings, emotions and intuition without any need to explain or justify them.

BLACK HAT:

This is the most used of all the hats. The black hat is perhaps the most important hat. The black hat is the hat of caution. It is for being careful. The black hat stops us doing things that are illegal, dangerous, unprofitable, polluting and so on. It focuses on content and process. It is the past and the future.

YELLOW HAT:

Think of sunshine. Think of optimism. Under the yellow hat a thinker deliberately sets out to find whatever benefit there may be in a suggestion. Under the yellow hat, the thinker tries to see how it may be possible to put the idea into practice. It also stands for speculative-positive thinking strategies. It encompasses the positive spectrum of circumstances and of ideas. The yellow hat is also supported by reason and logic. It is for constructive thinking. Thus, it is in relation to creativity.

GREEN HAT:

The green hat is the energy hat. Think of vegetation. Think of growth. Think of new leaves and branches. The green hat is the ultimate creative hat. It is the lateral thinking of the brain. It focuses on movement instead of judgment. There is a need for provocation to encourage more alternatives. The green hat’s major emphasis is on personality and skill.

BLUE HAT:

Think of the blue sky above. Think of “overview”. The blue hat is for thinking about thinking.
(Whatever that means!) The blue hat is like the conductor of the orchestra. The conductor gets the best out of the orchestra by seeing that what should be done is done at the right time. The blue hat is like the ringmaster of a circus. The blue hat is for the management of thinking. The blue hat is for the organization of thinking. It is for process control. It gives us the focus. It provides the program design of our brain. It speaks about summaries and conclusions, control and monitoring.

After reading the summary pages, I said to myself (hope I really did), “This is a good read for my day’s drama.”

But I want to make an add to the colors of the thinking hats. May I say we also need an:

ORANGE HAT:

Think about crunchy autumn leaves
(well, we don’t have autumn in the Philippines, but there are a good fields with dried leaves) under your bare soles while you are running out in the open with friends and other people. It replenishes the spirit. The orange hat emphasizes on play. It focuses on relaxation. When the mind is set out for thinking alone – an all work without play thing, sanity would not stand for long. The orange hat also symbolizes hope that after every fall, comes the spring.

So may I then suggest that after a long day of work, stop thinking for a while. Act on impulse. Do whatever you wish to do. Say what you have to say. Speak spontaneously. (As long as you would not be hurting yourself and others.) Like when I ran away with the book without thinking about the rules. If I didn’t do so, perhaps I would end this day without a blog entry.

What do you think?
Life's Write Ups and Downs > TIME
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Posted: Mar.15.2008 @ 5:16 pm | Lasted edited: Mar.15.2008 @ 3:41 am
I always complain for having the lack of time in doing the things I want to do, especially reading my favorite books. Most of my books are still on my shelf, with plastic cover and sealed with its tag on it. Those in the open are gathering dust each day. But some lucky ones are picked from the shelf once in a while and read inside the bus on my way to work and again inside the bus in the evening on my way home.



But pondering on that, I think my whining is unreasonable, because last night, while dusting my shelves, I saw only five books left unread out of the dozen books or so I bought and the Coelho's my brother bought starting last September. So I don't need to whine over not having the luxury of time. In fact, I have all the time in the world.

 

Now this is the picture of a watch I saw from an e-shop that I intend to buy as treat for myself for having kept myself busy yet gave myself much time to do what I really wanted to do -- reading books, studying and of course, bonding with my kids and family and friends. Hope I will be able to buy this before the year ends.


I realized that I don't need an add of another twenty-four hours in a day just to do what we want to do. If our heart is into finishing a task, we can find time, no matter how busy we assume we are. To include from my list of "have done", so far this is what I can think of:

 

1. I have finished three allied courses in four years time (one of which is my MA in Guidance and Counseling -- bagging the "Best Thesis" citation), including my MA in Special Education which I intend to finish until next year.

 
2. How did I do it?
 
 
a. I review for my exams inside the bus (it really helped plus my eyeglasses on).


b. I do my homeworks while eating my snacks and lunch at work.


c. I do my reports, my thesis included at eleven in the evening onwards, when my kids are sleeping and my dogs are snoring.


d. Finishing my thesis was tough, but I managed to squeeze it in by designing a program for my school (my place of work) as output, so the administrators welcomed my study with open arms.



3. I was able to counsel 100% of the kids under my care with follow-up to those who needed extra help. With this is the Career Pathing Program and the Developmental Program for children of OFW parent/s.



4. I made friends here and there. Re-discovered some like with that of Maricel, Tatah and Issa. I strengthened my bonds with most. And just an add, I have three batch of new-found friends -- my Special Ed class (Education for Deviates) with Miss Naoe, my Geometry class of seven with Dr. Gacayan and the CHED scholars in my Graph Theory class with Dr. Quiambao.



5. I maintained my being a Special Ed teacher after my counseling hours with Rob. Now, he is about to finish his third year in high school. One school year more and he is to graduate from senior high. Not to mention I started with him when he was in pre-school.



6. And most importantly, I was able to raise Beatrice with quantity and quality time. She is now five, will be recognized as first in her Kinder class at the end of this month. And of course, I gave birth to another girl, Gabrielle while finishing my thesis. Now she is one and a smart kid like her sister.



7. And in between, I am a wife to my Ronald for almost eight years now. I'm keeping my fingers crossed though as I'm writing this post that I have been able to provide him the warmth of love a wife could give her husband.



8. To give it a final touch, I am also a sister to my brother Jomar and to my siblings-in-law, a daughter to my mom-in-law, a grand-daughter to my grannies, and last but not the least, a child of God, my Creator, giving meaning to the life He has bestowed upon me; so that in the final bend of my TIME, He shall be proud of me.
 
 
 
 

Visit my blogsites more often: www.marjo-lifeinamirror.blogspot.com and www.blogtext.org/CABAnata

 

 

Woman: Salt of the Earth and Light of the World > Eight Lies of A Mother
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Posted: Mar.06.2008 @ 6:07 pm

Mothers always lie..........




This story begins when I was a child:


I was born poor. Often we hadn't enough to eat. Whenever we had some food, Mother often gave me her portion of rice. While she was transferring her rice into my bowl, she would say, "Eat this rice, son! I'm not hungry."


This was Mother's First Lie.


As I grew, Mother gave up her spare time to fish in a river near our house; she hoped that from the fish she caught, she could gave me a little bit more nutritious food for my growth. Once she had caught just two fishes, she would make fish soup. While I was eating the soup, Mother would sit beside me and eat what was still left on the bone of the fish I had eaten. My heart was touched when I saw it. Once I gave the other fish to her on my chopstick but she immediately refused it and said, "Eat this fish, son! I don'treally like fish."


This was Mother's Second Lie.


Then, in order to fund my education, Mother went to a Match Factory to bring home some used matchboxes which she filled with fresh matchsticks.This helped her get some money to cover our needs. One wintry night I awoke to find Mother filling the matchboxes by candlelight. So I said,"Mother, go to sleep; it's late. You can continue working tomorrow morning. "Mother smiled and said, "Go to sleep, son! I'm not tired."


This was Mother'sThird Lie.


When I had to sit my Final Examination, Mother accompanied me. Afterdawn, Mother waited for me for hours in the heat of the sun. When the bell rang, I ran to meet her. Mother embraced me and poured me a glass of tea that she had prepared in a thermos. The tea was not as strong as my Mother's love. Seeing Mother covered with perspiration, I at once gave her my glass and asked her to drink too. Mother said "Drink, son! I'm not thirsty!"


This was Mother's Fourth Lie.


After Father's death, Mother had to play the role of a single parent. She held on to her former job; she had to fund our needs alone. Our family's life was more complicated. We suffered from starvation. Seeing our family's condition worsening, my kind Uncle who lived near my house came to help us solve our problems big and small. Our other neighbors saw that we were poverty stricken so they often advised my mother to marry again. But Mother refused to remarry saying "I don't need love."


This was Mother's Fifth Lie.


After I had finished my studies and gotten a job, it was time for my old Mother to retire but she carried on going to the market every morning just to sell a few vegetables. I kept sending her money but she was steadfast and even sent the money back to me. She said, "I have enough money."


That was Mother's Sixth Lie.


I continued my part-time studies for my Master's Degree. Funded by the American Corporation for which I worked. I succeeded in my studies. With a big jump in my salary, I decided to bring Mother to enjoy life in America but Mother didn't want to bother her son; she said to me "I'm not used to high living."


That was Mother's Seventh Lie.


In her old age, Mother was attacked by cancer and had to be hospitalized. Now living far across the ocean, I went home to visit Mother who was bed ridden after an operation. Mother tried to smile but I was heart broken because she was so thin and feeble but Mother said, "Don't cry, son! I'm not in pain."


That was Mother's Eighth Lie.


Telling me her eighth lie, she died.


YES, MOTHER WAS AN ANGEL!


M - O - T - H - E - R


"M" is for the million things she gave me,

"O" means only that she'sgrowing old,

"T" is for the tears she shed to save me,

"H" is for herheartof gold,

"E" is for her eyes with love-light shining in them,

"R" meansright, and right she'll always be.


Put them all together, they spell "MOTHER" -- a word that means the world to me.


For those of you who are lucky to be still blessed with your Mom's presence on Earth, this story is beautiful. For those who aren't so blessed, this is even more beautiful.





And shall I say, painful; because this reminded me of my own Mother who was so selfless and died of Cancer, too almost four years ago.


To Maricel who forwarded me this short story, thank you. Words are not enough to express my gratitude of the gift of friendship.

 

Bagong CABAnata > CABAnata 16: Decisions
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Posted: Mar.05.2008 @ 6:36 pm

We’re in the same stage right now. I still love my work as a Guidance Counselor, but I also feel I have a heart for kids with special needs. I’m not a hypocrite though. I want to feel the snow in my palms, but just the thought of leaving my children for at least six months breaks me. I now experience doubts to pursue my American dream. My goal now is geared towards having my own home school for Filipino children with special needs. I can be an educator and a counselor at the same time. The problem now lies on where I would get my finances for that great dream for a home school.


Funny! Yesterday, I just finished reading “Who moved my cheese?” and I find myself smiling. Then laughing out loud for the coincidence and yes, the irony of life. Ironic though, but wonderful.

My choice, I’m letting the tides of fate bring me to where I really should be. Idealistic? Yes. My place under the sun.

But whatever that is, I won’t stop writing, too.





This was my comment in one of Hazel’s blog entry last week. I decided to post her entry but I failed to ask permission. So I opted not to post. Instead, I encourage you to just drop by her Filteany site to check out on her post.

I am in a crossroad.

My previous entries, I said I will resign from my present job as a Guidance Counselor and look for a teaching job as a Special Ed teacher. I resigned. I applied. But found out the schools don’t fit my personality… or moreso, my principles in life.

I handed my resignation but I took it back. Not because I feared I won’t be able to find another job (In fact, two schools – a university and a college, contacted me to be a college instructor, but I just declined. It’s not my cup of tea I must say.), but more of my principles once again.

Indeed, I am a bit idealistic. I find it hard to leave my present school because for one, the school’s vision-mission support what I too believe in. Secondly, my heart is with the kids I deal with everyday. And a whole lot other reasons I cannot verbally express.

I was just lucky I was totally honest (still am) to my principal. This I have really learned from this experience:

Honesty begets trust and respect.

For the next school year, I will still be a Guidance Counselor, handling the freshmen and kids with special cases – children with OFW parent/s, children of separated parents and single parents. In addition to that, I will also be the school’s allied Special Educator, designing programs for our mainstreamed kids who have been diagnosed with ADHD, with certain specific Learning Disabilities and of course, those with emotional disturbances (not to mention their specific cases).

Challenging?
It is. And I’m looking forward to spending another year inside my cubicle.

 

Woman: Salt of the Earth and Light of the World > A Mother's Wisdom: A Carrot, An Egg and A Coffee
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Posted: Feb.28.2008 @ 6:06 pm | Lasted edited: Feb.28.2008 @ 4:18 am

 A carrot, an egg and a cup of coffee... You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.




A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and howthings were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make itand wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.



Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water andplaced each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second, she placed eggs, and in the last, sheplaced ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.



In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placedthem in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.



Turning to her daughter, she asks, "Tell me what you see."



"Carrots, eggs and coffee," she replied.



Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"



Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sittingthrough the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.



"Which are you?" She asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"



Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?



Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a break-up, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside, am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?



Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water,the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, itreleases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level.



How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?



May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make youstrong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.



The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.



When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.



It's easier to build a child than repair an adult.



This is so true - may we all be a COFFEE BEAN!

 

A Bookworm's Review > Proposed Code of Ethics
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Posted: Feb.05.2008 @ 6:04 pm | Lasted edited: Feb.05.2008 @ 4:29 am

 PHILIPPINE GUIDANCE AND COUNSELING ASSOCIATION, INC.
Accredited Professional Organization of Professional Regulatory Commission


PROPOSED CODE OF ETHICS


PREAMBLE


The Philippine Guidance and Counseling Association, Inc. (PGCA) is an organization of helping professionals whose members are committed to the development of the well-functioning individual in a society utilizing his/her potentials to the fullest. Members of the Association are bound to uphold the dignity and worth of the individual throughout life in the following settings: educational, community, clinical, hospital, or industry

This Code of Ethics in Guidance and Counseling expresses the ethical principles and values of the Association and serves as a guide to the professional and personal conduct of all its members. It also informs the public which they serve of the standards of ethical conduct for which members are to be responsible and accountable. The Code reflects such values as integrity, competence, responsibility and an understanding of and respect for the cultural diversity of society.

Members have a responsibility to ensure that they are familiar with this Code of Ethics, understand its application to their professional and personal conduct, and strive to adhere to its principles and values. They should also be familiar with other sources of information which will assist them in making informed professional decisions. These include the laws, rules and regulations, and policies which are professionally relevant in their working environment.

Members are accountable to both the public and their peers and are therefore subject to the complaints and disciplinary procedures of the Philippine Guidance and Counseling Association. By accepting this statement of ethics, members of the Association are committing themselves to act ethically in the provision of professional services.


ETHICAL PRINCIPLES


The expectations for ethical conduct as expressed in this Code are based on the following fundamental principles:

• Respecting human rights and dignity
• Respect for the client’s right to be self-governing
• A commitment to promoting the client’s well being
• Fostering responsible caring
• Fair treatment of all clients and the provision of adequate services
• Equal opportunity to clients availing counseling services
• Ensuring the integrity of practitioner-client relationship
• Fostering the practitioner’s self-knowledge and care for self
• Enhancing the quality of professional knowledge and its application
• Responsibility to the society

 

 

CHAPTER I
PROFESSIONAL RESPONSIBILITY

1. General Responsibility. Counselors maintain a high standard of professional competence and ethical behavior thereby recognizing the need for continuing education in order to meet this responsibility.

2. Respect for Rights. Counselors respect the rights of a client and uphold the integrity of the counseling profession. They participate in only those practices which are respectful of the legal, civic, and moral rights of others, and act to safeguard the dignity and rights of their clients, students, and research participants.

3. Boundaries of Competence. Counselors limit their practices within their professional competence, educational background, and personal experience as what the laws, rules, guidelines, accreditation and credential are concerned. If the counseling needs of a client are beyond the counselor’s expertise and competence appropriate referral must be made.

4. Continuing Education. Counselors must be updated with the current trends and development in the profession through active participation in scientific and professional endeavor.

5. Research and Development. Counselors must engage in research activities for the advancement of the counseling profession. They have the responsibility to disseminate such information through presentation and publication.

6. Ethical Behavior. Counselors must uphold the values and ethical principles operating in this Code.

7. Sensitivity to Diversity. Counselors must recognize and respect client’s diversity in terms of socio-economic status.

8. Equal Opportunity. Counselors must provide equal opportunity to everyone to avail of the counseling services in various setting regardless of age, gender, socioeconomic status, civil status, religion, culture, ethnicity, disability, and sexual orientation.

9. Good Quality of Practice. Counselors must provide quality service at all times.

10. They continually monitor their effectiveness as professionals and take steps to improve when necessary.

11. Knowledge of Legislative Laws. Counselors have a responsibility to read, understand, and follow Republic Act 9258 (Guidance and Counseling Act of 2004) and its Implementing Rules and Regulations. Other mandated laws protecting the interest of clients’ rights should be known to the practicing counselors.

12. Extension of Ethical Responsibilities. Counseling services and products provided by counselors through classroom instruction, public lectures, demonstrations, publications, radio and television programs, computer technology and other media must meet the appropriate ethical standards of this Code of Ethics.

CHAPTER II
COUNSELING RELATIONSHIP


1. General Responsibility. Counselors have a primary responsibility to respect the integrity and promote the welfare of their clients. They work collaboratively with clients in creating counseling that are consisted with client abilities and needs.

2. Confidentiality. The counselor must preserve and safeguard the confidentiality of the clients except:

2.1 When disclosure is required to prevent clear and imminent danger to the client or others;
2.2 When legal requirements demand that confidential matter be revealed;

3. TO BE INCORPORATED WITH RESEARCH Children and Persons with Diminished Capacity. Counselors conduct the informed consent process with those legally appropriate to give consent when counseling, assessing, and having as research subjects’ children and/or persons with diminished capacity. These clients also give consent to such services or involvement commensurate with their capacity to do so.

4. Maintenance of Records. Counselors must maintain records in sufficient detail to track the sequence and nature of professional services rendered and consistent with any legal, regulatory, agency, or institutional requirement. They secure the safety of such records and, create, maintain, transfer, and dispose of them in a manner complaint with the requirements of confidentiality and other articles of this Code of Ethics.

5. Access to Records. Counselors must understand that clients have the right to access their counseling records. Disclosure of such information to others is possible only through the clients informed consent or when mandated by law

6. Dual Relationships. Counselors must avoid personal, intimate and / or business relationships with clients that may jeopardize this Code of Ethics

7. REFER TO CHAPTER I NUMBER 8 Respecting Diversity. Counselors actively work to understand the diverse cultural background of the clients with whom they work, and do not condone or engage in discrimination based on age, color, culture, ethnicity, disability, gender, religion, sexual orientation, marital, or socioeconomic status.

8. INCLUDE CHAPTER 4Consulting with other Professionals. Counselors may consult with other professionally competent persons about the client. However, if the identity of the client is to be revealed, it is done with the written consent of the client. Counselors choose professional consultants in a manner which will avoid placing the consultant in a conflict of interest situation.

9. Relationships with Former Clients. Counselors remain accountable for any relationships established with former clients. Those relationships could include, but are not limited to those of a friendship, social, financial, and business nature. Counselors exercise caution about entering any such relationships and take into account whether or not the issues and relational dynamics present during the counseling have been fully resolved and properly terminated.

10. REFER CHAPTER 2 NUMBER 8Sexual Intimacies. Counselors avoid any type of sexual intimacies with clients and they do not counsel persons with whom they have had a sexual relationship. Counselors do not engage in sexual intimacies with former clients within a minimum of three years after terminating the counseling the counseling relationship. This prohibition is not limited to the three year period but extends indefinitely if the client is clearly vulnerable, by reason of emotional or cognitive disorder, to exploitative influence by the counselor. Counselors, in all such circumstances, clearly bear the burden to ensure that no such exploitative influence has occurred, and to seek consultative assistance.

11. Termination of Counseling. Counselors must terminate the counseling relationships when it is deemed necessary. More specifically terminating the counseling relationships should be done when

11.1. goals of counseling have been met.
11.2. clients condition is beyond the counselors expertise.
11.3. transference or counter-transference issues are evident.

12. Computer Use. When computer applications are used as a component of counseling services, as in testing or assessment, counselors must ensure that: (a) client is capable of using the computer application; (b) the computer application is appropriate to the needs of the client; and (c) the client understands the purpose and operation of computer application. Pertinent records stored in the computer such as counseling transcription, test data and personal information data must be kept with confidentiality. In any case, computer applications do not diminish the counselor’s responsibility to act in accordance with the PGCA Code of Ethics, and in particular, to ensure adherence to the principles of confidentiality, informed consent, and safeguarding against harmful effects.

 


CHAPTER III
CONSULTING AND PRIVATE PRACTICE

1. General Responsibility. Counselors provide consultative services only in those areas in which they have demonstrated competency by virtue of their education and experience.

2. Undiminished Responsibility and Liability. Counselors who work in private practice, whether incorporated or not, must ensure that there is no diminishing of their individual professional responsibility to act in accordance with the PGCA Code of Ethics, or in their liability for any failure to do so.

3. Consultative Relationships. Counselors ensure that consultation occurs within a voluntary relationship between a counselor and a client, group, or organization, and that the goals are understood by all parties concerned.

4. Informed Consent. Counselors, who provide services for the use of third parties, acknowledge and clarify for the informed consent of clients, all obligations of such consulting relationships, including the purpose, entitlement to information, and any restrictions on confidentiality. Third parties may include public and private institutions, funding agencies, employees, and so forth.

5. Accurate Advertising. Counselors, when advertising services as private practitioners, do so in a manner that accurately and clearly informs the public of their services, areas of expertise, credentials such as licensure and accreditation in an accurate manner that is not false, misleading, deceptive, or fraudulent.

6. Respect for Privacy. Counselors limit any discussion of client information obtained from a consulting relationship to persons clearly involved with the case. Any written and oral reports must be restricted to the purposes of the consultation and, every effort is made to protect client identity and to avoid undue invasion of privacy.

7. Cooperating Agencies. Before sharing information, counselors must make efforts to ensure that these other agencies have defined policies that serves the clients interest other agencies serving the counselor’s clients that effectively protect the confidentiality of information.

8. Conflict of Interest. Counselors who engage in consultation avoid circumstances where the duality of relationships or the prior possession of information could lead to a conflict of interest.

9. Professional Fees. Professional fees are based on standards prescribed by the existing laws, ordinances, promulgations, and resolutions. Counselors consider the financial status of clients and locality in establishing fees for professional counseling services.

10. Pro Bono Service. Counselors render professional services in the community or society for which there is little or no financial return (pro bono).

 

CHAPTER IV
RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER PROFESSIONALS

1. General Responsibility. Counselors must maintain harmonious working relationships with their colleges and other professionals in their work setting and affiliated organizations.

2. Roles and Functions. Counselors must set the parameters and levels of their professional roles and functions.

3. Working Agreement. Professional relationships must be conducted with mutual respect and adherence the professional standard.

4. Evaluation. Counselors must be open professional review and evaluation by their employer and peer.

5. In-Service. Counselors must participate in in-service training for professional growth and development.

6. Damage Control. Counselors must alert their employers to conditions that may be potentially disruptive or damaging to the counselor’s professional responsibilities or that may limit their effectiveness.

7. Supervisory Relationships. Supervising Counselors must treat all colleagues fairly and must foster good working relationships and system of community.

8. Client Advocate. Counselors strive to reach agreement with employers as to acceptable standards of conduct that allow for changes in institutional policy conducive to the growth and development of clients.

9. Coordination. Counselors maintain proper coordination with fellow professionals in relation to counseling services and programs implemented in their workplace.

10. Networking and Linkages. Counselors establish a good system of networking and linkages with other sectors to promote public and social awareness as well as for the enhancement of the profession.

11. Professional Conduct. Counselors have a responsibility both to clients and the institution within which services are performed to maintain high standards of professional conduct.

CHAPTER V
EVALUATION, ASSESSMENT, AND INTERPRETATION


1. Test Selection. Counselors must have adequate training in the selection of psychological test and other assessment tools following:

(a) appropriateness of the test to the purpose of testing (b) reliability and validity (c) appropriateness of level of difficulty to clients (d) appropriateness of norms

2. Test Administration. Counselors must have adequate training and competence in test administration.

3. Test Data Utilization. Counselors must use assessment data by taking into account various factors and characteristics of the person must be derived from integrated profile including the battery test results
3.1 In the utilization of test data, counselors must observe the principle of confidentiality.

4. BIG ?Obsolete Tests and Outdated Test Results. Counselors do not base their assessments or recommendations or decisions on data or test results that are outdated for the current purpose.

4.1 Similarly, counselors do not base such decisions or recommendations on tests and measures that are obsolete and not useful for the current purpose.

5. Maintaining Test Security. Counselors make reasonable efforts to maintain the integrity and security of tests and other assessment techniques.

CHAPTER VI
COUNSELOR EDUCATION, TRAINING, AND SUPERVISION

1. Counselor Educators and Trainers. Counselors, educators and trainers must have the necessary qualifications and skills as are as to conduct counselor education and training programs.

2. Description of Education and Training Programs – Counselors responsible for education and training must ensure accurate description of the training goals & objectives, course content, outline, and requirements of the program.

3. Evaluation – Counselor, educator and trainor must ensure a fair, accurate and honest appraisal of students, supervises and trainees.

4. Teaching Ethics. Counselors and Practitioners must perform their functions in ethical manner and must serve as role models for professional behavior.

5. Contribution to Research. Counselors give credit to students and supervisees for their contributions to research and scholarly projects in the field of guidance and counselling.


CHAPTER VII
RESEARCH AND PUBLICATION

1. Research Responsibilities. In planning any research activity dealing with human subjects, the counselor must observe ethical principles and standards of good practice.

2. Informed Consent. All research subjects must be informed of the purpose of the study except when withholding information or providing misinformation to them is essential to the investigation. In such research, the counselor must be responsible for corrective action as possible following completion of the research.

2.1 Voluntary Participation. Participation of identified subjects in research must be on a voluntary basis.

3. Confidentiality of Information. Information gathered from research participants is confidential.

4. Reporting Accurate Results. Counselors conduct, report and make thorough discussion of research with accuracy and avoids bias and misleading results.

5. Publication. Counselor must give due credit through joint authorship, acknowledgment, footnote statements, or other appropriate means to those who have contributed significantly to the research and/or publication in accordance with such contributions. (AACD Sec. B, p 480 no. 2, 5, 6, 11, 12)

5.1 Counselors who review materials for publications must respect the confidentiality and propriety rights of those persons who submitted.

 

Reference:  http://pgcaweb.com/code.htm

Woman: Salt of the Earth and Light of the World > What do Women Really Want?
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Posted: Jan.23.2008 @ 6:25 pm | Lasted edited: Jan.23.2008 @ 4:36 am

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur, would have a year to figure out the answer. If, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.


The question was: What do women really want? Such a question would have perplexed even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Since it was better than death, however, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody; the princess, the prostitutes, priests, the wise men, and the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high as the witch was famous for the exorbitant prices she charged.


The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her price; the old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified, she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like a sewer and often made obscene noises. He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and to have to endure such a burden.

Gawain upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question.

What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life.


Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it went. The neighboring monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total freedom.

What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable. The wedding night approached: Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she'd been a witch, half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self. And the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. Which would,he want her to be during the day and which during the night? What a cruel question! Gawain began to think of his predicament.


During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments.

What would you do?

What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read until you've
made
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Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.

What is the moral of the story?

The moral is that it doesn't matter if a woman is pretty or ugly, smart or dumb. Underneath it all, she's still a . . . . . witch!!!

- Author Unknown


 

I think this story is funny yet inspiring to all the women out there. This is an "icebreaker" from my usual entry on Woman: Salt of the Earth and Light of the World.

To the men:

Call us witches but in the end you will realize "You love us more than you realize you can love someone else... other than the witches in us."

Girl power?

Woman empowerment!!!

Arozcaldo for the Soul > Risk
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Posted: Jan.23.2008 @ 6:20 pm

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams, before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken.
Because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
If you risk nothing and do nothing, you dull your spirit.
You may avoid suffering and sorrow, but you cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, and live.
Chained by your attitude, you are a slave.
You have forfeited your freedom.
Only if you risk are you free.

by: Leo Buscaglia


Hope this would give a little lift from that surrendering state...

Have a happy day!

Bagong CABAnata > A Wise Woman's Stone
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Posted: Jan.22.2008 @ 6:41 pm
A wise woman who was traveling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But a few days later he came back to return the stone to the wise woman.

"I've been thinking," he said, "I know how valuable the stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me something more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone.

- Author Unknown

I was searching for some short stories for Ma’am Nora Gundran, the Coordinator of Student Behaviors in our school which she will use in her pep talk two weeks from now when I landed on http://www.yuni.com/library and saw this story.

Before I go any further, Mommy G is not just an ordinary personnel in school, but she is one mother I consider like my own, too. We have shared a lot of fun times together, so are tearful moments. This school year is her last year as a teacher because she’s about to retire. This school year is also my last school year in the institution I consider my home because I shall seek a teaching career in special education in another institution, of which I hope would be as warm as the home I have with my present school.

After reading this short story, I can hear myself sobbing like a child whose balloon has flown with the wind – no returning.

I am heading off too. Away from the school that has taught me a lot of things -- from professional skills to work ethics to being human.

“Solid Christian foundation, imbued with a sense of mission and service orientation.”

This is always the beginner’s quote I utter everytime we conduct admission promotion outside the campus. I shall no longer say this in the same event, but I will say this a million times in my thoughts and teach my children, grandchildren and other’s children about the essence of being alive.

Indeed, I will be bringing these precious stones with me, but I know in my heart, the core of the wealth is not in the teachings and ideals I have gained with the school. The real wealth is within each people that make up the institution -- their own humanity that they share with one another, to the school and to the community.

I seal this entry with my tears and my hopeful heart, that wherever I may be, I can share the untarnished wealth the good Lord has endowed me, polished in the school I consider my home.
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